933: Magus Trigger – One ShotPosted: January 12, 2015
Title: Magus Trigger
Media: Video Game
Topic: Chrono Trigger
Genre: Drama / Romance
URL: Magus Trigger
Critiqued by Lyle
Hello everyone! I know that I said we’d be looking at the next chapter of that Wheel of Fortune fic, but I’ll get to that next week instead. Now that “of wolf and woman” is done, I decided to go looking for a one-shot. I haven’t done any one-shots in a while. Having just finished replaying Chrono Trigger recently, I gravitated toward that section of fanfiction.net. We’ve only had one CT fic thus far, so it is a relatively untouched topic here in the Library.
For those who need a reminder, CT is about a guy named Crono and his troupe of friends that have to save the world by zipping back and forth in time. Along the way you have the potential to pick up a total of seven party members. Three of those are from your own time. One is from the stone age, one is from medieval times, one is from the future, and the last one (an optional character, you can chose to kill him instead, although you’d be a dumb-ass not to want him in your party) is technically from a time between medieval and stone age, although due to events that you’re actually part of, he ends up stuck in the medieval time from the point of his childhood until his mid-adulthood.
This story, “Magus Trigger” is supposedly what would happen if that optional character – Magus – were actually the protagonist of the story. It’s not a horrible concept. But this story, being a badfic, is a horrible attempt at said concept.
As I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, one of the first things I look for when sorting through the archives of ff.net is a summary that exudes some element of suck. In this case, it spoke for itself.
How Magus Trigger which is how it shud be called shud ve ben.
Yup. I knew I had a winner. I checked the author’s profile but found absolutely nothing there that pointed at an age or gender of the author. This is the only fic they wrote, and it was published back in October of 2013. It appears to have been meant as a multi-chapter story, but the author gave up after three paragraphs.
And for that we are eternally grateful.
Anyway, we start off with an author’s note as poorly written and misspelled as the summary.
AN I do not own Chrono Trigger if i did it wuld be called
Magus Trigger lol so tats wat my story is called an if u
dont liek Magus then get the hell out of here
What the hell is it with Chrono Trigger fanfics with abnormal formatting?! The one that Taco did also went all funky on the formatting.
Now I can’t speak for everyone, but Magus has always been one of my favorite characters in CT, along with Ayla. Despite his questionable fashion sense –
– he’s quite a powerful character, especially with magic. He can do some decent physical damage with his scythe, too, if you have the right accessories equipped and pump him full of the CT equivalent of steroids: Power Tabs.
So, my point is that I don’t see why people wouldn’t like Magus, at least as a solid addition to the party. I guess some people might be all pissy about him having killed off Frog’s mentor and turned Frog into a frog. Plus he’s not exactly the nicest guy. He’s totally emo-angsty, too. Tragic backstory champion. But at least he isn’t whiny.
Anyway, let’s get to the meat of fic, shall we?
Thank goodness it never made it past this number.
I was at the melenim fair just like Crono and Marle and
whatever all the stuped preps but who carew when Lucca
opened the tepelorter to sow everybody she told me not
Crono because hes a stupid prep and hes to studpid to even
talk or nething and marle is a total cherleader slut and
this totally isn’t about them ok becaus i lucca is ny best
What the fuck did I just read? *rubs her eyes with the heels of her palms*
Did maguslover just channel the spirit of Tara Gilesbie?!
So our first-person narrator was at the fair that starts the game off. Why do I keep doing fics written in first person? *groans*
Anyway, Lucca, the inventor, has been claimed as our POV’s best friend. POV hates “preps” and thinks the main characters of the game are stupid. It makes me question their true liking of the game if they hate the main characters. Did they play it only for the ten hours worth of having Magus in the party? Seems a bit of a stretch.
neway. so lucca called me like hey get over here
gurl i need a modle for our show because lucca is smrt and
so am i and we beult teh teleptrer togetrher but she loks
like a total nerd but i am hot at least thats what everyne
tels me but i never would say so.
Well, I guess that word-barf clears up that our POV isn’t Magus. It’s a girl that is apparently “smrt” and hot. The writing speaks for itself on how “smrt” she really is.
And if you’d never say you were hot, then why did you say you’re hot? We’ve run into a classic “hot-character-that-is-so-not-hot-but-is.” It’s not quite a Pretty Ugly Girl, but close.
so anteyway we agreed i
wodl do the modellin for the show so everone wuold com an
What in the world would need to be modeled for the demonstration? Is she dressed like a teleporter?
In the game there was no need to use sexiness to draw a crowd to Lucca’s teleporter invention. The town was all very aware of Lucca’s penchant for inventing. That in itself was the draw… for all three people that showed up.
For the millineum fair i wore a shrot black lether
miniskrt wht thigh hig lether boots that wer all coverd in
strasp and buclkes and zippesr and others badass looking
goffik stuf f an the boots have 6 inhc heel but i am real
good at walkin in heels ok?
Is it bad that I can read through all this with perfect clarity? Fucking My Immortal.
No one was questioning your ability to walk in stripper boots, Nameless Gothic Sue. I can walk in boots in 6-inch heels if I wanted to, but my arches would hate me. I usually top it off at about 4-inch heels.
I also wor a black lether bra
That sound incredibly uncomfortable. Can you imagine the boob-sweat?
wth cainmail over top of it becua se i am th best fighter
in the while vilage so i m alwasy redy to figt.
What-the-hell, indeed. You’re wearing chain mail over a bra? Do you realize how much pinching and chafing that is going to cause? Your boobs will be protected by the leather, but the rest of your upper body is going to hate you.
black lether gloves that go althe way up my arm an have
claws on them.
You wear this all the time? The fuck is wrong with you?! You realize how hard it will be to function with claws on the end of your gloves? I had to wear long, fake nails for a friend’s wedding a couple years ago and I was useless until I was able to pull them off.
all teh black clthe s look really good
aganst my pale white skin and my black hair is so balck
tath it shiney in the sun but i like it better int he dark
Shit. They found the redundancy in that? I was hoping it would be too non-nonsensical for them to notice. Welp, let’s get down to business…
*grabs her sledgehammer and heads out the door*
HAPPY NEW YEAR, MOTHERFUCKERS!
oh an my eyes are brug ht purple which is why my
name is Amythest liek a presus gem my mom named me that
befure she died an thas why me an lucca are fruedns ecause
w e both have dead moms and are supre smart.
*hefts the sledgehammer*
Have you ever even played the fucking game?!
Lucca’s mother’s name is Lara. If you even had an ounce of RPG-ability, you’d know that if you’re playing a game, especially one you’ve never played before, that you explore every.fucking.place accessible to your character. In Chrono Trigger, that would include Lucca’s house. And if you bothered going up the right-hand stairwell in her house, you’d find, guess who! HER. MOTHER. Who is not dead. At all.
Lara’s mother is a paraplegic. She is unable to walk due to an accident when Lucca was a little girl. But she’s still alive and well, if depressed by her inability to get around on her own.
There is even an optional side-quest you can do (it will potentially change the end-scene depending on which ending you get [there are 12 of them. And yes, I did just use a parenthetical inside a parenthetical]) that will send Lucca back in time to the day of her mother’s accident. If you input Lara’s name into the machine, it will save her and she’ll never lost her ability to walk. The only thing it alters is that Lucca’s mother will be at the party at the end of the game instead of still sitting at home. But it does give you a warm, fuzzy feeling that you’ve improved an NPCs life.
She was never dead.
so lucca called me and told mecome ovr now and so i did
but first i stoped and bugjt the badass swurd fron the guy
fron a difere nt tim cause i ben in so nany fights an i
awyas won so i had a lot of gold so i can buy whatevr i
How did she call you? There are no telephones in Chrono Trigger. Did she just stand on her porch and holler?
Now, having played the game I know that “the guy fron a difere nt tim” means Melchior. He’s one of the “gurus” from Magus’ time (12,000BC). He was sent forward in time to 1000AD (current time in the game) when Magus was sent to 600AD, in the event I alluded to earlier in this riff. With no way to get back to his own time, he set up shop as a maker of fine swords and was at the fair at the beginning of the game, selling an okay-quality sword that is nothing compared to what you’ll get later on in the game. If Amythest is such a good fighter and has so much money, why is she wasting it on a mediocre sword?
so i ptu on my new swrd and i wen t to the
teleprtos an did NOT sotp for candy cus that is so studpd
and only dumb props an cherleders stop for candy
A brief mention of this since those who haven’t played the game are going to be like, “WTF does she have against candy?”
In the game, you run into “Marle” at the fair and agree to show her around, since she’s not exactly from around there. As you’re about to head to Lucca’s teleporter demonstration, she asks to stop for some candy at a vendor. You get to stand there for 30 seconds while she makes her selection. This is important in that trying to walk away makes you look bad when you’re later put on trial for kidnapping her. I’m guessing our author is annoyed because she failed the simple task of “not being in such a goddamn rush” and was found guilty of kidnapping.
Not that it really matters… even if you get the perfect score from the jury (I’ve done it before, it’s possible to be found unanimously innocent) you’ll still get put in jail and sentenced to death because the chancellor is actually a creepy multi-legged hamster who is just a dick.
hi to Lucca nd her dad and he was freked out like usal
cause he has add or sometin an he alwaus run arund and
sounting but lucca hugnd me luke heyg url aryou ready liek
evrybudy fron the hole town is her. an i huged he back
like hel yeh gurl les do ths!
Wow… way to make Lucca sound like an empty-headed ditz.
AN i hope u lik my story so far i will write mroe soon lol
pls reviw thaks
Oh thank god! I don’t think this will ever be continued since it seems to have been composed by a parakeet on a keyboard. At least it was gloriously short. Until next week!