929: Jasmine cumslut – Chapter TwoPosted: January 8, 2015
Title: Jasmine cumslut
Media: Movies/Video Game
Topic: Aladdin/Mass Effect/Street Fighter/Star Wars
URL: Jasmine cumslut: Chapter 2
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck, Crunchy, and Sura T’Lenya
WARNING: This fic contains extremely graphic references to sexual acts that may be considered deviant by some people: thus, this snarking is NSFW. The entire plot of the fic is also about human trafficking: because of the way the subject is treated in this fic, those who are sensitive to the subject may wish to (and probably should) skip this riff entirely.
Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back with this crap.
Sura: Are we really going right back in?
Unfortunately, yes we are.
Crunchy: I have told the Darkwraiths to prepare the brain bleach baths for our dear readers.
Yeah, good call there, Crunchy. I get the feeling we’re all going to need it after the horrors that will follow this chapter.
S: Tell me about it. I’d rather bathe in xenomorph blood than read this fic any further.
I didn’t think you knew what those were.
S: Never underestimate Xerxes on Halloween.
Fair enough. Let’s get to it, shall we?
We start the next chapter with this:
Err if you guys what to know the background of the story and setting just ask and I’ll post a timeline or just a short brief of the background.
C: Ah, typical fanfiction laziness. Why attempt to establish information like this in the body of your fic when you can tell your readers to ask you for it?
Because it’s EclipsePheniox the Lazy Halfwit, that’s why.
S: You sound a little angry right now.
Trust me, Sura, I’ve tried talking sense into him several times. I’d compare it to talking with a brick wall if that comparison wasn’t so overused as it is.
S: Doesn’t make it any less appropriate, it seems.
No, but then again most brick walls don’t punch back, now, do they?
Anyway, after that disingenuous author’s note, we go on to the story itself:
Jasmine was lead into a basement by the mistress. The other two slaves wondered off for something else.
C: Presumably, they found a good time to escape, meaning that this “mistress” is incompetent at keeping her slaves where they cannot escape.
Well, that’s a good thing, isn’t it?
C: I will not complain. Should I send in the Darkwraiths to bring them out?
Yeah, go ahead. They are nameless characters, but fuck it: they’re in a sexual slavery ring, I’ll make an exception for those two.
C: Good. Excuse me while I make preparations. *leaves*
S: Well, I wasn’t expecting a Sith to have a heart for once.
Well, as much as he likes to pretend he’s an Awesome McEvil, even Crunchy has standards, you know? There’s a reason Swenia is in this place instead of whatever concentration camp Buster sent her to.
S: Fair enough. This’ll be an interesting tale for the boss when I get home.
The mistress held her leash and quite tightly as well.
Please hold it a little less tightly. It’s less time that Jasmine gets to spend as your captive.
If she did this just right she could escape, as the mistress stopped in front of a door Jasmine gave a powerful tug.
S: Or evidently, this mistress has what you people would call “butterfingers”.
Yep, that looks about right. Run, Jasmine, run! You can make it if you—
The leash came from the mistress’ hand letting Jasmine run up a few steps before an electric shock from her collar sent her falling down the steps. The mistress just looked at Jasmine.
“I forgot to mention your collar has a special chip in it. It obeys only me, if you try to run you’ll be electrocuted this will continue until you submit or die.” she said taking Jasmine’s leash once again.
Of course it wasn’t that simple.
S: Well, what were you expecting from a slaver outfit that I confused for batarian slavers?
Hm… Fair enough, I suppose. I just don’t know, though…
S: What’s up?
I mean… look at this! This slaving outfit does the same thing batarian slavers do to keep their slaves in line. They have implants that shock you! I bet there are more mind-based shenanigans, and if they do have that… Hm…
You know what? I guess we’ll just have to see how the sex is written.
S: You really want to read this guy’s sex?
Hey, I’ll have no other way to confirm what I’m now very afraid is happening here. I’ll need to see where the heck stuff is. Anyway, on with the story!
This time Jasmine didn’t resist, but her mind buzzed on what to do. The door opened and they entered. As they did Jasmine’s eyes widened as in front of her was a Chinese woman on her knees sucking a man’s member. The woman wore nothing except for two hair buns and chains around her wrists and ankles.
A Chinese woman? Huh… I’m not sure why he went with that description.
S: Does Jasmine even know what a Chinese person looks like?
I know that Jasmine and Aladdin had a conversation on a roof at a Chinese New Year-looking festival right after A Whole New World, so she might recognize this random woman from sturff. That said, though, I don’t think either of them knew the name of the nation, so…
S: Ah, well, it’s a petty detail. After all, this woman won’t be important to much, right?
Probably not. She’ll probably just be dismissed like the asari slave from earlier. *sips sangria*
C: *returns* So you know, the two slaves are now—
“Chun li.” the mistress called.
*spittakes on Crunchy*
C: … Safe.
WHAT THE FUCK!?!? WHAT THE SHIT IS CHUN LI DOING HERE!?!?
S: Chun Li?
As in Street Fighter Chun Li! I just… this can’t be right!
C: Be quiet, monkey. I am sure you just imagined it.
… Oh hi Crunchy, didn’t see you come in.
C: You spat on my face, how did you not see me then?
I don’t know, maybe for the same reason that Chun Li just randomly showed up?
C: I am sure it was nothing. Perhaps you just saw things.
I hope I saw things. I just… please tell me you’re not talking about that Chun Li.
Jasmine stared at the Chinese woman wide eyed, Chun li was an Chinese imperial solder one of the best but turned traitor and went missing. But it seems that she had become a slave.
S: It’s not the same Chun Li, is it?
If it is, EP sure did a bang-up job of fucking up her backstory. Seriously, not only was she not born during the days of imperialist China, but she also was an Interpol officer rather than a soldier in the Chinese army. And anyway, Chun Li would not have been born at the same time as Jasmine, and yet here they are. So why the fuck is a princess from a Vegas-ized ancient Arabia hanging around with someone from the People’s Republic of China?
C: You forget this is EclipsePheniox you are dealing with, monkey. This stupid monkey is capable of much dumber things.
Yeah, that’s true. He did think that trying to steal Parallel Realities was a good idea, and then there was that whole bit with the mother farting her child into another dimension that was millions of years into the past.
S: Frankly, I don’t even want to know what drugs EP is taking for him to think that that kind of twist was a good idea.
C: For once, you and I agree, blue something. At any rate, we have tarried long enough. The slaves have been rescued, Herr.
Oh, good! You sent them straight to the med clinic, right?
C: Of course, though I doubt it would be wise to let Ishi-Sensei get close to them. He will not stop with the leeches again.
I’ll call Fraug in to do his thing once we’re done with the riffing. Hey, I’d rather have him do it than to leave it to Ishi or Doc. No offense to either.
Chun li heard the mistress and stopped sucking on the man and his dick slid out of her mouth. Still on knees she turned to face the mistress. As her face and body came into view Jasmine’s eyes widened.
“Oh my goodness, how did she turn like that?”
Chun li’s body was covered in a white substance, her nipples belly and clit had been pierced. How someone could do that to her body she had no idea.
S: Well, you see, Jasmine, when there are people out there that want to modify their bodies like that, they can.
I get the feeling that those piercings were not Jasmine’s choice.
C: Neither do I. Why did I agree to look at this with you, monkey?
Because Victor Tarsus, Crunchy.
C: Ah, right. *shudder*
“Chun li this is Jasmine your new apprentice.” the mistress said indicating to Jasmine. “I want her to be a cum-loving-slut like you.”
I’ve got a real bad feeling about this, patrons.
Chun li bowed without a word before standing. She then took Jasmines leash and lead the new dark skinned slave away.
And the fic just pulled a random slave from out of nowhere, didn’t it?
S: Jasmine did have something of a tan, though, didn’t she?
She did, but I’m pretty sure that most people don’t use “dark skinned” to refer to people from Islamic countries. I mean, their skin tones aren’t exactly light, but their skin isn’t that dark to qualify for “dark skinned”.
S: So you’re saying that he’s being racist now?
I wouldn’t say that: as you said, people from that part of the world do have slightly darker skin.
C: But he just never thinks about it.
I get the feeling that the day EP actually thinks about the content of his stories will be the day that someone destroys the Empire State Building with a kalimba.
While this happened the mistress fell to her knees and started sucking on the man’s dick.
Huh. Well, at least this “mistress” is an equal opportunity slaver?
S: Doubt it. All the guards have been implied to be male so far, and all the slaves have been implied to be female too. It’s more likely he just works for her.
C: Hm, use sex to draw in a workforce. As far as evil plans go, that does sound interesting.
You wouldn’t use it though, would you?
C: When you monkeys are my workers? I would sooner take slaves than debase myself by lying with one of you monkeys.
The feeling’s mutual, as far as the rest of the human race goes.
Unlike some other mistresses she was once a slave and knew how to pleasure men and women.
S: She was once a slave, and she is now the leader of her own slave operation?
C: She could have been introduced to this life, and thus knows nothing else.
To be quite frank, Crunchy, that is a load of bullshit. I imagine that the only scenario where something like this could happen was if she were also a total psychopath as well.
And great, it’s about to go into a random piece of porn, now, isn’t it?
As she sucked in the man’s dick she massaged his balls with one had while she used the other to take the cups of her corset off her breasts.
Her tongue danced around as she sucked on the long member. Soon another naked male came up behind her and pulled up her ass before pulling her panties down. Her wet pussy glistened in the light as the man behind her rubbed his dick on her pussy. Unlike many other slaves she was one of the few who wasn’t pierced. Still the man behind then slid his dick into her ass making the mistress squirm in a mixture of pleasure and pain. The man who she was giving the blowjob to stood and began thought fucking her.
As they did this the mistress still tried to pleasure the two with her on techniques.
C: What is “thought fucking”?
I don’t know, I don’t care, and I think we’re going to see more examples of actual “thought fucking” soon enough anyway. Either way, we’ve hit the first sex scene, and it came out of nowhere to boot; this means we’re supposed to see this scene as arousing.
S: Right after it just made casual mention to something that should be a defining character trait. I suppose that is what makes a good enough writer that he does not need to listen to anyone else.
I know, right? And then he bungled up the psychology of it, too! I just… seriously? A former slave would want to perpetuate that cycle?
Well, Crunchy, Sura, brace yourselves: I’m going to bring in an obscure part of the internet into this discussion. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s talk about the FBA.
S: The FBA? Is that some kind of sex club?
No, actually. It stands for “Furry Basketball Association”. To make a long story short, it’s essentially a shared RP universe that takes place within a multinational, co-ed version of the NBA. Here’s the twist: it’s also inhabited entirely by furries.
C: Furries? And you keep up with this universe?
Yup, that I do. In fact, I’ve taken a kind of… active role in that community as of late, what with doing a Twitter RP and forming up a potential athlete for the universe.
C: Then I suppose it was a good thing Taco did not blast furries at the beginning of Jedi’s Destiny.
S: I see. That’s all fine and good, but what’s it got to do with this story?
Well, because one of the more popular characters there right now just happens to have had a backstory of “I was once a sex slave”.
He’s an Asian palm civet from Bali who happened to be pulled into a human trafficking ring when he was a young child. Now, he had it relatively lucky, because he was given special treatment what with his fur being a rare shade for Asian palm civets.
S: “Special treatment”?
Essentially, they forced him to keep in shape so he could be seen as desirable. Actually wasn’t such a bad thing when it turned out that one of the ways he was kept in shape was that his handler taught him some Indonesian martial arts as well as basketball. Gave him an outlet to vent his frustrations, you know what I’m saying?
C: I assume from that basketball uniform that he eventually escaped.
Well, “freed” would be the more appropriate term, considering that he wasn’t able to escape that life until a local police force cracked that cartel. But yes, he did get out of that life.
S: I’ll assume you’re bringing him up because he didn’t get the urge to start keeping slaves like this bitch that EP is writing.
Yep, that’s about right. First off, he joined the Singaporean military for a time before he submitted his name in the FBA Draft. One of his missions that happened during the period before Draft Day? Well, his unit had to find a human trafficking cartel and dismantle it. Which he did, while bonding with a gem-faced civet who faced the same thing he did. And then there’s the whole fact that part of the reason he submitted his name into the FBA Draft in the first place was to give hope for people who’d shared his backstory.
S: Hm… That sounds pretty consistent to what human trafficking survivors talk about when they’re interviewed, right?
Yeah, some of them become advocates to stop human trafficking, others withdraw into an intensely private life, but no matter what, it always changes their life, and almost all of them have it in such a way that they want to keep the same thing from happening to anyone else. Point is, I don’t think there would ever be a victim of a human trafficking ring that would ever do the kind of shit that the human trafficking ring did to them unless they were a total psychopath or something.
S: Is he affected by what happened as a child?
Well, he’s actually pretty well adjusted all things considered, but you can tell it affects him in some of the stories following his character. But I’ll talk about that at a different time, seeing as how that’s relevant to an entirely different problem with what’s going on here.
C: I do not suppose it will end in a rant?
It just might, Crunchy. It just might.
After that random porn, we get the weirdest scene break I’ve ever seen:
S: Well, EP, I knew you got off to this stuff, but did you really have to write your moans of pleasure into the story?
Yes, because it’s EP. Let’s move on to the next scene, shall we?
Jasmine was lead to a large room with a large medical bed in the centre.
I wanted to dock him for spelling “center” that way, but then I remembered that he’s actually British and they would spell “center” in that way.
C: This imbecile is British?
I know, right? Don’t you love how the internet has a foolproof way of rooting out the crazy in any one country?
Two Asari slaves in leather harnesses unlocked the cuffs on the bed as Chun li lead Jasmine closer and closer to the chair.
C: First it is a bed, then it is a chair. I did not know that this “mistress” kept morphing objects to suit her whims.
Knowing EP, he probably stole it from Bifocals or something.
The two slaves took hold of baton like devices.
S: Cattle prods?
C: Mr. Crowbar?
… Oh shit! Ninjas, we need an in-fic extraction, pronto!
Jasmine just stared at the devices in fear. Soon she stood next to the chair and Chun li removed Jasmines clothing and cuffs excluding her collar. Jasmine was so scared to do anything else.
*stores in the grab bag of quotes*
S: I guess we’ll see why you picked that up?
That you shall, Sura. That you shall.
Soon she was completely bare and Chun li lead her to the chair.
She was completely bare… in spirit?
S: I think the fic meant that she was bare as in “naked”.
Well, he didn’t just fucking come out and say that, now, did he?
S: No, I don’t think he did.
“Sit.” Chun li said.
Jasmine laid on the chair
C: What kind of chair exists that requires you to lay down on it to sit in it?
It certainly isn’t any chair in the real world, I’ll tell you that much.
as the two Asari put their batons away and strapped her in.
Wait, so if they didn’t end up using those batons, why the fuck were they even brought up in the first place?
Chun li fastened the cuffs around the wrists while the Asari fastened the cuffs around her ankles. The former princess felt so vulnerable, soon the Asari and Chun li disappeared.
*stores this quote too*
C: You have stored more quotes than anyone in the Library ever has, monkey.
I know, Crunch. Trust me, the fact that this fic is so fucked up that I have to do this is fucked up on so many levels…
The room darkened but suddenly her eyes slowly shut as a light shined over her. Her mind drifted back to her home burning. The city fell as lasers and missiles hit the Arabian style sky scrapers. Robotic soldiers coloured in red and black slaughtering her own soldiers.
Jasmine watched the assault in horror. Soon news reached her that Aladdin her husband that he just died. She fell to her knees in tears as robotic soldiers came in and took her away. Soon the images started to fade, Aladdin on her wedding night soon faded.
Oh hey, we finally have some idea of how Jasmine wound up in this situation! And as it turned out… she was captured during an all-out assault on Agrabah.
C: Ah, this is more like it! Destroy an entire city and its population for the sake of acquiring one person! Our mistress has finally graduated to the level of Awesome McEvil!
S: Yes, go ahead and celebrate that. Because celebrating the existence of a slave mistress who regularly stages invasions to acquire new wares is obviously a great idea.
C: Do not mistake my elation for support, blue something. This mistress is still far too much of a brute for my taste. She at least can claim to be evil, however.
What I’m pondering is why the universe still hasn’t been established yet. I have yet to know a single goddamn thing about this universe and how you can get an Aladdin/Street Fighter/Mass Effect crossover in the same fucking fic.
S: Do you really think he’ll do that?
No, but it’s a nice thing to dream that he will, you know?
Her eyes stared to open
C: I was not aware you monkeys could open your own eyes by staring at them long enough.
Neither was I, Crunchy. Neither was I.
to find herself chained to a wall and her wrists cuffed above her head. Her clothing had changed from a leather/ latex combination to a harem slave outfit.
So it changed from known fetish gear… to this:
S: Well, at least she can’t be hypersexualized.
She wore harem trousers with the bit in between her legs was missing. She had no bra but her breasts had grown in size to ddd’s. Her nipples had also been pierced with a chain connecting her nipple rings to the back of her collar. Her hair had been cut as well, around her upper arm was a snake armband and bracelets around her wrists. Around her ankles where two ankle bracelets and bell anklets.
S: … *headdesk*
Really, Sura, I’m not so sure why you thought he wouldn’t hypersexualize Jasmine in this situation. I mean, this is fucking EclipsePheniox you’re talking about here. If he didn’t turn his female characters into fuck toys to be desired at some point, then he’d actually be trying to be a good author.
C: Never mind that. Did these slavers perform plastic surgery on this woman without her consent?
Yes, Crunchy. Yes they did.
C: These people are not simply brutes: they are barbarians. Do they not understand that a proper Awesome McEvil never torture their victims while they are sleeping? It defeats the whole purpose of the torture.
She felt so defiled that she wanted to die but as soon as dying came to mind an electric shock shot through her. It was painful even though it lasted for a moment.
*stores quote for later*
Jeez, we’ve already got four fucking quotes to use later. This is gonna be fun when I finally get to show why it’s all relevant.
C: This slaver constructed a device that can read the minds of the people it attaches itself to? What sorcery is this?
S: You’re a Sith Lord, shouldn’t you know that?
C: The Sith would kill to have a device similar as that. It would make interrogations go much more smoothly, and without the barbaric side effect of torture.
S: Even though this device electrocutes people when it reads their thoughts?
C: And that is why I said “similar”, blue something.
Just then a door in front of her opened and Chun li entered wearing a blue Chinese dress with holes for her breasts to hang out and the lower part being transparent showing off a vibrator in her pussy.
S: Wait, that vibrator has been in her vagina for… how long, exactly?
I don’t know, the fic doesn’t tell us, and no matter what having a vibrator in her vagina for long periods of time can’t be pleasurable after a while.
C: Also, this fic has confirmed that this is, in fact, Street Fighter Chun Li.
Is there any other notable “Chun Li” in fiction I’m not aware of?
Then there it is.
Jasmine just admired the sight, her pussy started to become wet she mentally cursed herself and was immediately electrocuted.
*stores quote for later*
Oh, I’m gonna have a field day with EP, I really, really am…
Chun li just smiled.
Jasmine just stared at the Chinese slave.
“Like what we’ve done to you?”
What Jasmine should say: “Um… no?”
What she actually says:
Jasmine still stared.
S: And that’s what happens when you electrocute a woman to be your sexual servant.
C: Well, I guess it would be logical.
Yep. So, Chun Li, what did you do to Jasmine?
“We have enlarged your breasts obviously, we have also modified your digestive system. You can only have sperm and pussy juice from now on. Your memories are also slowly being erased.”
S: *sigh* All right, who do I have to arrest to stop these motherfuckers?
I don’t know, but I’d like to know that too. I mean… what the fuck? They also modified her digestive system while she was out like a light? And she can only ingest sexual fluids from now on?
C: How is such a thing even possible? I know medicine is capable of great things, but that… not only is that absolutely barbaric, it makes very little sense.
I know, right? How does one modify Jasmine’s entire body to do without the vitamins and minerals that sexual fluids completely lack?
C: Never mind that! Why would they do that?
S: And they’re erasing her memories, too. Which means they’re probably brainwashing her.
C: You have to give them credit: it is very difficult to come up with a name for brainwashing that is somehow even worse than “brainwashing”.
S: I especially love how they don’t even try to hide that it’s a form of brainwashing.
C: As do I. These slavers are really quite amateurish at what they do. It is almost pathetic, really.
Yeah, it really is.
That last bit scared her, her memories slowly being erased. She didn’t what that to happen but what could she do.
You can allow me to store the sixth quote I’ve saved for later, Jasmine. You can do that, at least.
*stores quote for later*
“Your fertility has also been increased, once you are pregnant you will have that child.”
S: So is it a human trafficking outlet, or a harem?
Hm… It does seem to read much closer to a harem, and you could acquire concubines by attacking places.
C: Harems served to create heirs, though, did they not?
That’s actually true. Hm… Let’s call it both for now. ‘Sides, no matter how you look at it, it’s still sexual slavery, and it’s still fucked up anyway.
Chun li then approached Jasmine holding a red gem. Jasmine became more and more afraid as Chun li came closer. The Chinese slave then placed the gem in her belly.
I thought Jasmine couldn’t ingest anything other than ejaculatory juices! Why the fuck is Chun Li shoving this red gem into her belly?
C: Perhaps it is composed entirely of semen?
S: And there was a mental image that I desperately needed. Do you also perhaps have a lightsaber that I can stab my eye out with?
Suddenly Jasmine felt her body moving involuntary as her legs spread open. She smiled as Chun li knelt down in front of Jasmine and began [Censored]. Jasmine moaned in pleasure but her mind buzzed in protest. She liked other women but she would never have sex wit then but know a Chinese woman was [Censored].
Wait, so… the red gem is mind controlling her.
C: Classic Awesome McEvil tactic there. I just wonder why they then bothered with the process of erasing her memories. Redundancy is a special talent of Awesome McEvils everywhere, but one would think that they would deal with the mind control at the same time as they removed her memories. Much cleaner that way. So why did they not do that?
Crunchy, it’s an EclipsePheniox fic. Are you really expecting anything these people do to make any sense?
C: No, but we are dealing with an Awesome McEvil faction here. It is simply that it makes less sense than most Awesome McEvil factions.
Again, dude: EclipsePheniox. It’s kind of his modus operandi to have mind-numbingly stupid ideas in half his fic.
Her mind slowly accepted the pleasure and her back arched in pleasure.
What the fu—
C: Darkwraiths! Unleash the 3DS cannons!
*opens the door*
S: Are these…?
Used 3DSs. Huh. I never thought you could weaponise a 3DS in this way, you know?
C: Do you not remember the first rule of dealing with the DRD? Anything can be weaponized with enough imagination.
Ah. Yes, thank you for reminding me of that, Crunchy. Well, let’s keep going, yeah?
She screamed as she suddenly came. Chun li then stood as Jasmines legs lowered. The former princess breathed heavily as Chun li uncuffed her wrists. Jasmines mind tried to get her body to get out but her body didn’t move as Chun li placed a red veil on her face that covered her noise downwards.
That covered her noise downwards? So these slavers have sound dampeners as well, and they were able to embed them into a veil?
C: That is perhaps one way to muffle their cries of anguish.
S: I could just arrest you right now, save us all the trouble of having to deal with you later.
C: Would you not have to fill out more paperwork, then? And besides, that would give away where you have been.
S: You’re so lucky Star Wars has not appeared yet. The second Star Wars appears, I will be authorized to arrest you.
C: It will not come to that, I am sure of it.
“Follow me.” Chun li said.
Chun li then turned and lead Jasmine to a circular room where two slaves dressed like Jasmine where dancing. One of the slaves was a Asari, the other was a green woman with two long tails on her head. Jasmine had heard about this race as well. Twi’lek’s where from a distant world who where once enslaves by another space empire but interestingly it’s rare to see a male Twi’lek outside of working in quarry’s. Both slaves where dancing to men and women.
S: Well, I suppose that settles it, then. Hold your hands out in front of you. You have the right to remain—
Oh shit, incoming!
*Eliza runs in, bowling Sura over*
S: *sits up* What in the name of the Goddess was that?
Eliza. Who’s very protective of Crunchy, apparently.
C: Thank you, Eliza.
S: Clever gi—
*Eliza bowls Sura over again*
Jasmine entered the room at the protest of her mind as she began swinging her hips and moving bother her legs and arms in a snake like fashion. She was belly dancing, something that she was planning for Aladdin but that never happened now she was dancing to a room of men and women she didn’t know. In her mind she began to cry.
Well, it’s official: Jasmine has been indoctrinated, and part of her mind is fighting it but is not making any headway in that department. And the worst part? She didn’t even have to deal with the Reapers!
S: That’s a very, very disturbing thought. I’m going to assume it only gets worse, doesn’t it?
C: You are in the Library, blue something. It always gets worse.
S: Oh Goddess… Well, we better strap in then. And remind me to bring my gun next time.
Trust me, you’ll need it. After all, next chapter clinches this fic’s place as one of the absolute worst fanfics I’ve ever had to read for the Library.
So we’ll see you guys next week, patrons. Bring a helmet: every last one of you poor unfortunate souls will need it.