921: From Another World – Chapter 41Posted: December 30, 2014
Title: From Another World
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
URL: Chapter 41
Critiqued by Erttheking
E: So how badly damaged is the engine?
C: Saying that it’s damaged implies that there are still bits of it left. And that’s not really the case.
N: Well crap. Princey is out cold too. Whatever Manus hit him with must’ve done a hell of a number on his healing factor.
E: Anti-stu spray? If we ever get out of this, remind me to have Goeth look into that.
N: I will.
C: Well, what do you say we all kick back, relax and rift the shit out of EP’s latest failure? Not like worrying will do anything.
E: Fine by me.
Chapter 41 Mars and the weapon.
E: Oh yeah by the way, we’re gonna be doing something for just this chapter. We’re gonna be including a one-off buzzer. At the end of the chapter it’ll be melted down for whatever Crunchy is cooking up, but right now we’re going to be keeping track of the number of firefights there are in this chapter. Remember when EP said he was playing the games and taking notes? Remember how that almost sounded like research? Turns out he was focusing on the gameplay and all of the times you fight people in game. And…well you’ll see.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 0)
“Commander we have to go back.” James said as he walked after Shepard.
Ash was checking out the weapons and armour listening to the two.
C: New from the lines of the Haribon Military Industries, firearms and armor that are capable of hearing.
“Vega your out of line.” John said.
N: Vega has an out of line? I always wanted one of those as a kid.
“So? The Reapers are attacking earth and we are just…”
“DON’T YOU DARE FINISH THAT SENTENCE.” John yelled. “It’s just as hard for me I want to stay and fight too but we have a more important job to do! So don’t you dare say anything about the fight on earth. If you want to stay so bad get on another ship.”
E: Ah, nothing quite like John throwing a temper tantrum when his orders aren’t treated like the gospel. He’s right, but he’s acting like a twelve year old.
James stared at the commander wide eyed. He had never heard of the commander losing his wick like that.
E: Don’t know where you’ve been Vega but Shepard here has…lost his wick…plenty of times before.
It almost seemed as if the commander was trying to restrain himself.
N: HA! Stupard 2.0. Showing restraint. Good one.
At that moment the vid comm bleeped and Hackett came on but the transmission was garbled.
C: Oh for God’s sake people! Military channels are not to be used for phone sex! First Ms. Chambers, now the Admiral. I swear, some people have no self restraint.
“Commander.” he said.
Shepard walked over to the comm. “Shepard here.”
“Commander I’m seekssckass casualty’s the reakssckrce ksscko overwhelming I have Ikssckority missionkssck. Go too the Mars ArckssckT’soni has something. A way to stop the Reapers… the only way to stop them.”
E: I’m sorry, wot?
C: He’s trying to simulate static. *Buries face in hands*
E: And what’s wrong with using ellipses? I know it’s been pointed out here on the library that they can easily be overdone, but I’d think that with a static spewing radio it’d be fitting.
The transmission was cut.
“Joker set course for Mars.” John said.
“On it.” Joker said through the comm.
John walked over to his armour and started to put it on.
N: When did he take it off? The only reference I ever saw to armor in this chapter was the magical hearing armor.
“This is loco.” James complained.
C: I agree with Kaiden 2.0.
“Mars… why send us there?” Ash asked.
“Got to be something related to my ancestor and her plan. If anything she may have placed the info in the archive knowing someone will find it.” John said. “Ether way well find out soon.”
E: How wonderfully narcissistic of you John. To assume everything comes back to you somehow. And I thought Ash’s ancestor was the one who went to Mars. Either EP forgot that or…AHSOHTIAEHTIHETIHIREGTIWPETGNPIGTIQEGIQHEGT)IHQGH$QTYW$YHW$IYH
The Kodiak flew into the atmosphere and landed on the red surface. They spent a few minutes trying to hail the outpost but nothing came from it. The trio then gout out and looked around.
N: Uh. You can hail the outpost from space you know.
There was nothing out of the ordinary but why was there no communications. As they walked Ash noticed a sandstorm on the way.
“We better hurry, Martian sandstorms are a nightmare.” she said.
They moved forward and dropped down onto a ledge then began moving before Shepard pushed them back. He looked around as a laser blast sounded. His eyes widened as he saw several people in white, black and orange armour. Each one of them held weapons that seemed to resemble Tiberian pulse weapons which thy used to execute Alliance soldiers. But the mark on them he knew all too well.
C: They SEEMED to resemble them? Either they resemble them or they don’t. And when did Cerberus have time to give all their new weapons paint jobs?
E: One more thing.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 1)
E: This thing is gonna be broken by the end.
“Cerberus.” he said.
“Now we know why the outpost didn’t answer.” Ash said.
Just the they jumped out and opened fired on the troopers. The first few shots didn’t do anything and made the trio get to cover. They had upgraded with Tiberian tech and that pissed the commander off as he was just taking more of a risk getting shot.
C: You know, frankly it’s a miracle that it took as long as it did for Tiberium tech to be thrown around like candy. Considering how lightly guarded it was way back when with the Noveria mess. So don’t get pissy John.
As one of the troopers fell John then launched a heavy concussive blast. It had little effect as the troopers armour was too strong.
N: That’s because concussive blasts are meant for NON-LETHAL TAKEDOWNS!
Gritting his teeth as his pulse rifle ejected a clip. Ash saw that he was getting fired up.
E: Glad you can, because we have to take your word for it.
She moved out into the open she charged up a warp ball and threw it at the troopers.
The troopers floated in the air allowing the three to finish them off. They then moved to the entrance to find six troop carriers parked.
“That’s strange if this is all they had then someone on the inside must be Cerberus. Otherwise you need a lot more fire power and men.” Ash said.
C: I’m gonna assume what you said makes sense in the context you aren’t establishing.
“Lets go.” Sheppard said.
They entered the main entrance lift. Sheppard pressed the buttons and began the airlock cycle the lift went up to the main docking area. Their weapons where out as they looked for trouble. Just then firing and clattering from a vent.
N: Firing and clattering from a vent what?
They stared at it fore a few moments before an Asari in white gear jumped out and threw a warp at where she just came from. Two Cerberus soldiers came out only to be caught by the warp. They hovered as the Asari took them out with a few hots from her pistol.
E: That isn’t a Warp, that’s a Singularity. Fuck’s sake EP.
“Liara.” Ash said.
Liara turned to see her friends standing there.
“Commander, Ashley it’s good to see you both again.” she said as she approached. “By the way Ash I met your sister earlier. We got separated.”
C: Oh yeah, Ashley’s sister is here. Glad to see that EP is keeping up his tradition of changing everything yet somehow copy pasting everything from the game. It’s a talent I tell you.
Ash didn’t seem to worried however. “Don’t be too worried she can handle herself. She’s nicknamed Amazon for a reason.”
N: Because EP has some sort of obsession with the word. Don’t kid yourself, that’s the only reason.
“From what I seen she’s earned that name. But why are you here?”
“Hackett said that you know what’s going on.” John said.
“Yes.” Liara said as she approached window.
“Halauya some answers.” James said.
“Maybe what I found is a Prothian device one that can take out the Reapers.”
C: Uh, who said that? John or Liara?
“In the Archives?” John asked moving up to Liara with the other two following him.
E: Ah, Liara.
N: Be quiet Vega!
“I’ll believe it when I see it. How do we find it?”
“It’s plans for a weapon.”
“Well it’s better where do we get it?”
“We need to use the tramway to get there. If Cerberus Hasn’t locked it down.”
C: I have no idea who’s talking.
“Why are they here?” James asked.
“They want the weapon what else? The Prothians came close to defeating the Reapers…”
E: They did? First time that’s ever been established.
“And anything that is capable taking out the Reapers is something Cerberus may want.”
Before anyone else could say anything the sound of gunfire came from a door on the forward catwalk all four their weapons out ready for the fight but John needed to plan for contingency. He turned to James.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 2)
“Vega get back to the Kodiak.” John said.
“But Commander…” James tried to say but was interrupted.
“James if Cerberus beats us to the Archives I need all exits covered.”
N: Sorry Vega, happened in game, you gotta obey it.
Being hesitant James did as he was told and hoped back on the lift. As the gunfire came closer so did screaming in fear.
C: Who the Hell is screaming in fear?
The trio lowered their weapons a bit. The door then opened and two Cerberus troopers flew over there heads and hit the opposite wall with an audible thud. Eyes wide they watched as several more Cerberus troopers getting thrown to the opposite end of the room.
A tanned woman walked into sight with a wide smile on her face. Ash just face palmed herself.
E: Yeah, fuck you, that doesn’t happen.
“Abbey you just had to show off.” she said.
“So? You’ve already got a man what am I supposed to do until I get one.”
C: *Throws arms up into the air* Even when the women get bullshit Mary Sue moments in this story it comes back to their desire for penis somehow. Don’t ask me how, it just does.
John just gave a slight snigger with Liara while Ash just gave her sister a really bad look.
“Anyway come on we need to get to the archive.”
E: Yes, come on children. The anime comedy hour is over.
The three then got on a lift that took them to the catwalk. They then moved into the room where Abbey came from only to find a scientist getting shot the four moved up to cover as two Cerberus trooper came into range. As soon as they did Liara threw a warp allowing all four of them to take them out. But as soon as they left cover two more troops unleashed laser fire on the squad making them take cover again.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 3)
E: Yeah, I told you we’d be using this thing a lot. EP really isn’t trying, he’s just saying “here fight, they fight now. Amazon, Prince, lesbians, penis penis penis”
Abbey looked to her sister and nodded. At that moment both Ash and Abbey ran at the troopers and kicked them square in the chest sending them into a wall allowing the sisters to fire at them at point blank range. Liara and John came running up to the two. Just smiling they then entered the security room.
N: Seriously, can we cut the shit with the anime tropes? They’re wearing out their welcome fast.
“We need to gain access to the ped way.” Liara commented as they approached the Security office.
Walking in Liara t when strait to the command console. “Damn someone’s tampered with the system. Shepard see if you can gain access to the ped way.” she said pointing out a terminal to Shepard.
C: This security officer could be at the bottom of the ocean for all I know. You don’t need to describe every room in loving detail, but fucking SOMETHING would be nice. Or at the very least you could have something going on with the narration to take my mind off of it. And what the shit is a ped?
John sat at it and started typing. Liara meanwhile tried to access the security terminal.
“I can’t seem to get access to the live feeds but..” however Ash interrupted her as she saw a woman on one of the monitors.
“Hey you see that? Who’s that woman in the vid?”
“That’s Doctor Eva Core.” Liara answered as she got up. “She started to work here just a week ago. Any luck?” she then said as she walked to Shepard.
“Ped way’s been locked out.” John answered.
N: A ped. WHAT IS IT!?
“Ok looks like there’s construction nearby we can get out onto the roof. We can find a way from there.”
“Ok lets move.”
E: There’s bleh nearby, this will somehow help.
C: “Ok” said some random person.
The four of them then walked to the airlock and stood there as it did it’s cycle. Ash’s and John’s helmets then unfolded around their heads as Liara and Abbey placed breathing masks on. The door then opened and a powerful gust of wind hit them.
“Storm’s getting closer.” Ashley said as John started to go down a ladder.
N: They were on an upper floor? You see EP, this is why you describe shit. That way people don’t have to piece together what the scenery is through context clues.
Once he made it down they then noticed lights coming from the trams assuming the alliance was still putting up a fight they continued on but just then James came over the radio.
C: Do we have to start taking radio privileges away?
“Commaksscko you read me?” James said.
E: Commakssco? Who is…oh right. EP trademark static.
“Barely storms effecting your signal.”
N: It’s called a comma EP, it won’t hit you.
“Cannot kssckntact the kssckandy what’s ykssckposition?”
But all John got was static cursing he climbed up another ladder and hopped over a gap with the other three following. He stood on the platform looking at a open airlock.
C: Wait, they went down a ladder then up a ladder? WHERE ARE THEY!?
“This airlock shouldn’t be open.” Liara said.
“It looks like it wasn’t forced.” Abbey said.
“No you have to overwrite security protocols.”
E: Well, that established nothing useful.
Deciding to leave it for later they entered a large dark room making them turn their flash lights on. They moved around the windows and down the stairs before seeing corpses on the floor.
“Someone vented the air from the room while they where still here.” Liara said in horror.
N: And you can tell that how? Oh wait we’ll just take your word for it. Again.
“Looks like they died trying to claw their way out.” Abbey commented.
“This is brutal even by Cerberus standards.” Ash said.
“Look at the Infection.” John said.
E: I’m sorry, WHAT INFECTION!? FUCKING! ESTABLISH! SHIT!
Just then the window shutters started to come down making the four take cover and turn off their flash lights. They Cerberus troops talked about an alliance force being in that room.
C: Ok, can anyone fluent in EP please translate? Also
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 4)
At that moment John came out from behind cover and fired a heavy concussion round at the troops. The window broke allowing the air to be vented made John curse but he fired on the troops. Ash and Abbey popped up assault rifles in hand and fired at the troops while Liara was just finishing them off with her pistol.
N: John Shepard. Has access to advanced laser weaponry. Keeps trying to kill people with the future equivalent of rubber bullets.
As soon as the final trooper fell the four went over the broken window into the next security room. They walked over to the office and pressurised the room allowing them to get their helmets and re-breathers off.
“We have access to the labs they can take us to the tram station from there.” Liara said.
“Hey looks like there’s a recording of what happened here.” Ash pointed to a terminal that was still on Shepard turned the vid on.
“Security station?” The soldier said. “We’re seeing some odd activity down here.”
E: What soldier? I need more specification than “the”.
Liara then put the vid on all the office monitors.
“Our security protocols just kicked in everything’s locked down.”
N: Said Shepard’s penis.
As he finished the sentence Doctor Eva entered. The soldier turned to see her before turning back to the screen. As he was saying something Eva pulled out a pistol and shot a soldier who was near a wall and the soldier who was sitting at the desk. Much to Liara’s surprise and horror. Eva then walked up to a terminal and started typing. Alarms sounded on another screen making everyone’s eyes turn to see the air venting from the previous room they where in.
“Guess we know how Cerberus got in.” John said turning off the monitors.
“I should have noticed when I met her. I was just so focused on stopping the Reapers.” Liara said.
“Stopping the Reapers is the only thing you guys should be focused on. The JFU should be focused on Cerberus and the Reapers. It’s not your fault.”
C: If the JFU is supposed to be focusing on Cerberus, then they’re doing a shitty job. Just like with everything they do.
“What if we’re wrong? What if there’s no way to stop them? What if these are our last days and we screw around trying something we cannot fix?”
“Come on Liara.”
“I know I shouldn’t think that way.”she said as she faced Shepard. “But your Tiberian. Your race thrives on war you keep calm in the most terrible of situations. How do you do it?”
E: Thrives on war? Stays calm? They’re a shadow of what they used to be as a result of their last war and Stupard throws tantrums on a regular basis. Then again I supposed characterization is impossible if you have Aspergers or some crock of shit..
“We think on what I would lose if I didn’t.” John said looking at Ash.
“That’s a terrible burden to carry.”
C: Yeah it’s a fucking Herculean task.
“We’ll stop then Liara together.”
“I want to believe you.” she said as she turned to a terminal and typed a few keys.
“Ok door’s open we can get to the labs and tram station.”
“Good lets move.”
E: That was character development. I think.
The Squad the moved through the door and went up a flight of stairs only to be met by Cerberus troops. As soon as they where spotters the troopers began firing at the Squad making them take cover. Once they where in Shepard took out his scatter pulse and fired on close range targets wreaking them and allowing Ash to take them out, while Abbey used her sniper rifle to take out the troopers at long range with Liara’s help.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 5)
N: I think this is the first time I became aware of the type of weapon that Abbey uses. And what did Ash do to ‘take them out”. EP just assumes his readers will fill in the blanks for him.
As Shepard took out the final close range trooper he and Ash then moved up closer to get better shots at the other Cerberus troopers. However some re-enforcements came out with riot shields that stopped laser fire.
Cursing John took out a grenade and threw it that the troopers. The resulting explosion took them out allowing he four to move up to the corner.
E: Fuck tension
But as soon as they made it they had to take cover as laser fire streamed past them.
Shepard then threw a warp ball at the closer ones before picking them off and Liara threw singularity knocking them back. But as Ash and Abbey took them out the door on the other side opened and more Cerberus troopers flooded in. the squad just unleashed round after round of laser bolts at the troopers and moving up to the next part of the corridor. As the last laser bolt hit the final trooper they walked up to the final section of labs and being met with a foul smell.
N: Anyone else keep reading this with the voice of the narrators from the Full Life Consequences videos? It’s the only way I can do it without my brain trying to self-destruct.
“What’s that smell?” Abbey asked.
“Cerberus activated decontamination.” Liara answered pointing to a lab.
“With the scientists still inside?”
Shepard walked up to one one of the terminals near a window and tapped it. The decontamination stopped allowing the four to enter. As they entered Ash was curious about what they where doing here.
“What where they researching in here?” she asked.
C: Ash was curious “I’m curious.” Ash was hungry “I’m hungry.” Ash wanted to fuck Shepard. “IT’S TWU WUV!”
“Relics from earth.” Liara answered.”
“What did they find?”
“More than I can say in a short conversation. And they only scratched the surface.”
They walked through a door at the far end to see the tram line.
“That’s the tram line no doubt Cerberus has it locked down. We can overwrite it at the sercraty station. It’s just through here.” Liara pointed.
They walked to where Liara pointed and then moved into a hallway but immediately took cover as a laser turret started to fire at them. Guessing that Cerberus upgraded it Liara decided to make use of her cloak.
E: Wait, WHAT!? When the Hell did Liara get a tactical cloak?
She activated it and ran to the control room. Four Cerberus troopers stood there unaware of her.
Moving to the nearest one she grabbed his head and twisted it till his neck snapped.
The trooper fell to the floor with a loud thud. As the others came to investigate Liara placed a proximity grenade on the body before moving to cover. As the other three approached the grenade exploded in their faces instantly killing them. She disengaged her cloak ran to the control room and disengaged the turret. The other three then moved up to her location.
C: Fuck it, that counts.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 6)
They moved to the main terminal an activated the camera feed for the other side. Eva and a Cerberus soldier appeared on screen.
“Set up a perimeter no one comes across.” Eva ordered.
“What about the teams on the other side?” the trooper asked.
“No one. And shut down those cameras.” Eva said before shooting the camera losing the vid feed.
E: I guess she just magically saw it and shot it without looking at it. Just like how Shepard magically found that computer.
“Looks like they made it to the Archives.” Liara said.
N: How. Do. You. Know. That.
“And it doesn’t look like they’ll be sending a tram any time soon.” Ash said.
“Is there anyway to overwrite?” John asked.
“Negative the Archives are on a separate network we’re completely locked out.” Liara said as she looked at the monitor
“Not totally what if we find a short range radio. Helmet to helmet we can contact the others at the Archives and say that the alliance have been taken care of.” Ash said.
C: And they’ll buy the person that they’ve never heard before because plot.
“Good idea see what you can find.” John said.
Ash walked off to find something while John felt eyes on him and turned to Liara.
“Ashley has become very capable.”
C: By this story’s shitty standards maybe.
John smirked and looked at his ring. “Yes she has.”
“John found something.” Ash yelled.
E: He’s talking to Liara for God’s sake.
John opened a side door to see her crouched down by a Cerberus trooper.
“What is it?”
“There a transmitter in his helmet if I can…” she said pressing a release button on the side.
The helmet opened up to show a man but with husk like features.
“Oh spirits.” Ash said backing away. “He looks like a husk.”
N: Name a spirit EP. Name a single fucking one and explain to me why Ashley worships them.
“Yeah but no quite.” John said walking up and crouching down to get a better look. “They’ve defenetly done something to him.”
E: Thank you for the in depth in-put Shepard. What’s next? He defiantly looks weird?
Ash looked away in discussed before remembering those two years. “John that’s why I’m worried about you.”
C: Well that came out of nowhere.
John stopped in his tracks as he held the Cerberus transmitter in his hand. He stood up and turned to Ash.
“Those two years you where away I was not only alone but I was afraid. Fear that you may not be who where, fear that you might be someone different and not the boy who saved me.” Ash turned to John tears in her eyes. “Even now there’s something missing from you. I feel it when I’m close to you.” She said as she walked up to him and placed her hand on his heart. “I know you’re not all there but you are there.”
N: Yeah, Ash, this shit should’ve been brought up on Horizon, but you were a bit too busy tongue wrestling him to care.
“Ash I’m me.”
“I know but parts of you are Exoronian and I fear that it will take you away from me.”
Hearing this John embraced her. “Ash I am me. I’m the boy you fell in love with, and your husband to be.”
E: A massive twat.
“Promise me you’ll never leave me.”
He looked at her. “I Promise.”
Ash then pressed her lips against his and they stood there for a few moments before a loud cough sounded. They broke the kiss to see Abbey standing in the doorway. Both Ashley and John then blushed and moved apart as if trying to hide something.
N: I swear, everyone in EP’s stories act like horny teenagers.
“Err we got the transmitter.” Ash said awkwardly.
“Well come on we don’t have all day.” Abbey said.
John then held the transmitter to his mouth and said: “Hello this is Delta team anybody there?”
“Where the hell have you been?” the leader asked. “Never mind what’s your status?”
“We’re at the tram station all hostiles terminated.”
C: Ok person whose voice I have never heard before.
“Roger that Echo team will come over and secure the station.”
“They bought it hook line and sinker.” Ash smiled taking out her sniper rifle.
The team then positioned themselves with Ash and Abbey on the catwalk providing sniper cover while John and Liara where behind crates with close range weapons in hand. As soon as the tram papered
C: EP. Honest question. You speak English right?
they opened fired on the troopers. But as John came out of cover a large trooper jumped on him. They rolled into a stack of crates that fell on them. They recovered fast but before John could react the trooper was on him again this time with a blade in his hand.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 7)
John held the troopers blade arm at a distance but knew he couldn’t do anything.
E: EP, you can’t just take a scene and say “This is dramatic because I say so.” You have to earn it. And honey, you haven’t done jack to earn it.
Looking at his robotic arm an idea came to him. Pushing his left hand down his blade then launched itself from his arm hitting the trooper square in the face.
N: Apparently it can do that.
The trooper stumbled back allowing John to grab his blade and charge at the trooper. As he made contact with the trooper ,
C: Wait, is this the same blade you launched into his face?
E: Who knows.
the troopers armour stopped the blade a bit but John kept on pushing it in until blood came out at which point he launched a singularity at the trooper sending him back into the wall killing him.
E: Seriously, I am hearing all of this in the Full Life Consequences’ Narrator voice. “John Shepard had to defeat the Cerberus, but nife no work. ‘Why you no die?’ John Shepard shouted. ‘Because we are science and outer space and hate alens.’ ‘Evil monter you will suffar!’ John Shepard shouted, and pushed hard as could and nife worked this time”
John then looked around to see the rest of the Cerberus troopers dead. The squad then made their way into the tram and slid their helmets on as John activated the tram.
N: You know, it probably would be more productive if they just kept their helmets on.
“The archives are just on the other side.” Liara said as the tram moved.
“With a lot of pissed off Cerberus troops.” Abbey commented.
C: YOU! KNOW THIS! HOW!
As the tram reached the halfway point the side of the rails exploded and the other tram came towards them with Cerberus soldiers open firing on them.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 8)
John and the girls took cover as they picked off the soldiers one by one. But as the tram stopped next to them two Cerberus soldiers jumped across before Abbey swung her boe ta them to send them into the pit below. Leaving no more Cerberus to deal with.
E: Oh right, Abbey had that stupid bow thing. I honestly think that this is the first time she used it. And she used it as a melee weapon. Like it’s freaking Arrow.
“They’re putting up a good fight.” Ash commented.
N: That’s a lie and you know it.
“It confirms my suspicions on the importance of the data.” Liara said.
C: Or they just don’t like you.
John then jumped to the other tram with the other three following before activating it to head to the other end. After the tram stopped and the air filled in the four removed their helmets as the blast doors opened. They where met with laser fire as they took cover as they took out a few and moved to the crates smoke appeared on both sides of a security office. When the smoke cleared two teams of six appeared with riot shields in front.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 9)
E: Is anyone else bored of all the fucking fighting yet? Because I sure am.
They opened fire on the squad and the squad did little due to the riot shields.
N: The wording makes it sound like they just sat on their asses. Nothing new there.
Figuring it was his only way John took out a grenade and threw it at the right hand side team. It exploded sending the team all over the room. Liara did the same with the same result. The squad then moved up to the Archive door end entered weapons up. They saw the Archive for the first time.
C: Oh noe they so tough! Oh wait, grenade! We win!
Ash then patted her sisters shoulder and both of them moved in opposite directions around the room while John and Liara moved to the main terminal. Behind the two the hologram of the Archive itself disappeared and TIM appeared.
“Shardan.” he said making the two turn round.
“You have no right to call me that Illusive man.”
E: I honestly forgot if that means anything or if it has been established before. EP has a way of making up flowery words without giving them any weight.
“Now we know why Cerberus is here.” Liara said.
“You don’t know the half of it. The Prothians left us these Archives the wealth of information and it’s been squandered.”
“What do you want?” Shepard asked.
N: Yes, what do you want whoever just spoke?
TIM looked at the Archives before answering.
“What I’ve always wanted. The data in these artefacts are the key to solving the Reapers.”
“I’ve seen your solution your turning your people into monsters.”
“Hardly. They’re being improved.”
C: Who is talking to who here? Honestly…
“That’s what separates our species apart. Where Tiberians seek to destroy the threat I seek to control, to dominate the Reapers power. Imagine how strong humanity would be if we controlled them.”
“YOU THINK THAT’S GOING TO WORK? The Reapers will kill us all.”
E: HAVING PEOPLE RANDOMLY SCREAMING IN ALL CAPS IS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW TO CONVEY DRAMA!
“I didn’t think you’ll understand Shepard and nor am I asking for your approval. I needed your help just like you needed mine. But just like the rest of your insignificant species your time is over.”
“Like I’m going to listen to a mass murder. Liara.”
N: Shepard, keep your creepy ass snuff films to yourself.
Liara moved to the console and began looking for the info.
“Your race is on it’s death throws Shardan and I’ll be the one to finis you all off.”
C: I IS RACIST I IS RACIST I IS RACIST I IS RACIST!
“Not going to happen.”
C: Witty. Another problem with this story, EP can only write the most boring and bland dialogue. It could possibly be forgiven if the people speaking were established to have emotions. Sadly we don’t get off that easily.
“Sheppard.” Liara then said.
“What?” John asked as he turned to her.
“The data it’s not here. It’s being erased.” she said as TIM’s hologram disappeared.
“How’s he doing it?”
“It’s local someone’s uploading the information.”
N: Then it isn’t being erased now is it? It’s being transferred.
Abbey moved slowly around before hearing someone in one of the pillars she moved round fast and aimed her file at a white and black body suit scientist.
E: DON’T MAKE ME USE THIS! I’M WARNING YA!
“Hey step away from the console.” she said.
The woman didn’t move.
“Now.” Abbey said.
E: Don’t make me count to three! One! Two! Two and a half! Two and three quarters! Two and seven eights! Two and fifteen sixteenths…come on I’m serious here!
The woman then knocked Abbeys weapon away before kicking her and driving an omni-tool into the console and running away.
“She’s got the data!” Abbey yelled getting everyone to look at the running scientist.
C: I love how it implies no one else was paying attention.
The Squad then started to chase after Eva who was with respect fast.
N: With respect fast? Is EP just throwing random words in now?
As Eva ran into the next room the air started to get sucked out making everyone get the mask’s and helmets on. Entering the security room Shepard was met by a blast that sent him stumbling back. When he looked again Eva was gone.
He then moved up to the shutter switch and pressed it. As the windows opened Eva dropped down and ran to the side room and up a ladders. She was inhumanly fast. The squad moved up the ladder onto the roof where Eva took a few shots at them before running. That when they noticed that Eva wasn’t wearing any kind of breathing apparatus. They chased after her as a Cerberus Kodiak came in.
E: And then this then this then this then this then this then this happened. This is exciting right!
The troopers on the Kodiak took pot-shot at the squad but they mostly paid no attention to it. But Abbey did throw a grenade at it which exploded and made the transport lose control and fall. As the team ran down a ramp John called up James.
(Another Fucking Firefight Counter: 10)
N: Also fuck you, you can’t take out an air craft with a grenade.
“James do you read me?” he yelled but was met with static.
“Cerberus has the data.” met with more static.
“Get the Normandy down here now.”
C: Keep talking to nothing, I’m sure it’ll help.
Eva ran to another ramp and up a ladder but was closely followed by John and the others. Making it to the top Eva ran to the edge of the building as a Kodiak came in with it’s door opened.
E: To a ramp and up a ladder and over the river and through the woods to fucking grandmother’s house we go, WHERE ARE WE!?
“She’s getting away!” John yelled.
Eva jumped onto the Kodiak and was about to take off but John noticed a blue streak coming there way.
“I got this one.” James said over the comm.
Jame’s Kodiak it into the Cerberus one sending it flaying near Shepard’s team who knocked over from the explosion.
N: Flaying? I didn’t know shuttles could have allegiances to House Bolton.
James then circled round to pick up the team as they got up. As John waved down James Ash moved over to Liara and helped her up with Abbey helping.
C: Oh God, James and Ash have fused together! We need a surgical team stat!
“We need the data.” Liara said.
Just then several bangs on the Cerberus transport made the three look in it’s direction. The door exploded of it’s hinges to show an Exocronian woman with a blue visor over her eyes. It ran towards the three. Abbey pushed Ash and Liara out the way and began firing on the machine. It did little good as the machine twisted her arm until her pistol fell out of her hands and grabbed Abbey by her collar.
E: Ahah! You are woman and therefore useless!
“Abbey!” Ash yelled making John and James move round the Kodiak with weapons drawn to see what was happening.
“Orders?” the machine asked.
“Finish her.” everyone heard over their comm.
N: Personal coms are always loud enough for everyone nearby to hear.
The machine then slammed Abbey’s head into the damaged Cerberus transport a few times before letting her go into the fire that was coming from beneath the transport.
“ABBEY!” Ash yelled.
C: Oh don’t whine, you sat around and did nothing.
The machine turned to Shepard and ran towards him but was tackled by a glowing white Ash. Landing on top of the machine Ash punched the machine’s head into the building with biotic enhanced punches. The machine could do little as it’s programs started to fail. Then after the fourth punch it shut down. As it did Ash ran over to Abbey’s body and picked her up.
E: I can only imagine EP thinking “See! I can rite womez who do things!” Despite the fact he has a LOT of ground to make up.
“Bring that thing.” John called to James as he when to help Ash.
“Commander we have Reaper signature’s in orbit.” Joker called out.
N: Well that just came out of nowhere.
John helped Ash carry Abbey as the Normandy came in and so did the Reapers. Once the Squad was on the Normandy took off out of the Martian atmosphere.
Abbey was placed in the medbay. John ans Ash just sat next to her as Edi and Liara looked over the Cerberus Exocron. Ash was just beating herself up for not protecting her little sister.
C: I iz having emotional moment, honest.
John however was more concerned about this weapon the Prothians had left them. It made no sense, the lost queen had placed X-class weapon amplifiers somewhere in the Milky-way but for what. Could this device be that X-class weapon? He had no idea.
E: No, I’m sure it was just another powerful weapon your ancestors left lying around without telling anyone about for some god forsaken reason.
“Commander I’m picking up a subspace message asking us to pick up the ministers priority one.” Joker then said.
“How long will it take for us to pick them up?” John asked.
“The location they are requesting pick up is on our way to the Citadel. So half an hour.”
“Set course for the pick-up.”
E: We say boring things and now chapter over! Yay!
C: So just to clarify, there were a grand total of ten fights in one chapter. And all of them sucked.