910: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee – Chapter XIII


Title: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee
Author: HopelessRomanticArtist1990
Media: TV Show
Topic:  Samurai Jack
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter XIII
Critiqued by Ghostcat Ishi


“Greetings, Patoron-san!”

:Ishi bows:

“Ghostcat-sama has been delayed due to unavoidable circumstances so it falls to me, your humble servant, to bring you another unworthy chapter of this Samurai Jack fic.”‘

:muffled thudding:

“Please, ignore that.”

“As is customary, one has viewed the notes concerning the previous chapter, but there was very little information given. The group of hikers arrived at the palace of the oni Aku yet chose to camp outside its walls rather than venture inside. Jewel-san made known to Jack-san and her brother Jacob-san that she would accompany Jack-san back to his time period once the oni Aku was defeated.” :tilts notebook: “Ghostcat-sama has made several rather crude comments regarding this matter.”

“Without further ado, one humbly presents the next chapter in the tale!”

:more muffled thudding:

:faintly: Open the door, you son of a bitch!

“Please forgive the intrusion. To the fic!”

Everyone woke up bright and early the next day, and packed up all of their belongings in a small, candy bag sized magical sack that Madam Alicia lent Jewel for their quest.

“Ah, Ghostcat-sama has spoken often of sacks such as this; she calls them Bags of Holding. Curious, I have never seen one in use before. I am uncertain as to how large this particular bag is; from my experience, candy can be found in many packages of differing sizes.”

Luna slowly and carefully let down the shadow shield that blinded them from Aku’s sight.

“It is presumably morning, yet none of the oni Aku’s minions have thought to question why a dome of shadows remains near the palace? I would seek to employ new minions.”

Then they all swiftly and silently snuck into the castle from a side door that Jacob quickly unlocked with his powers. One by one, each warrior crept down the same hallway, somehow avoiding the guards all together.

“One should definitely acquire new minions. The clan would never allow an enemy so far within our territory unless there was a purpose behind such an act.”

After creeping around a few more corners, they all came to a spot with three different hallways. One hallway led to the right, the second one went to the left, and the last one ran down right in the middle.

“What a strange way to build hallways, placing the centre last. Perhaps the oni Aku seeks to confuse any enemies that reach this point.”

“Oh, great. Which way do we go now?” Sasha moaned, uncertain which path they should walk through.

“The bulk of your force should remain stationary while a single person is sent down each hallway to scout ahead. Or you could send one of the group to capture one of the guards you have been avoiding and interrogate them as to the location of the oni Aku.”

“Looks like we have no choice but to split up.

“Apologies, but I believe I have given two viable alternatives.”

Sasha and Jade, I think you two should turn back down the hallway we came through,” Jacob instructed.

Nani? Are you sending them to retrieve a guard to interrogate?”

“What? Why?” Jade asked, giving him a confused expression.

“Do not question your commander, woman!”

:muffled thump from overhead ductwork:

:faintly: The hell did you just say?

“… Moving on.”

“We might have missed a secret room or something.

“Does Jacob-san think that the oni Aku may in truth be hiding in some secret chamber they have already passed?”

I know we’re in a hurry to locate Aku, but it won’t hurt to retrace our steps.”

“But it could, Jacob-san. You are sending two of your warriors to search ground you have already covered, placing them farther from the rest of your force and rendering them useless to you.”

“Whatever you say. We’ll see you later, Samurai Brother.”

“Apologies, but if you were going to blindly follow his instructions, then why question him as to his motives?”

“Okay, Luna ad Serenity, you two take the hallway to the right,” Jacob said after Sasha and Jade disappeared down the hallway from where they came.

“According to Ghostcat-sama’s notes, these two women have powers that cancel each other out. Would it not be more prudent to group together those whose powers could strengthen each other?”

“We’re on it,” Luna replied, shifting into a shadow instantly.

“Good luck, guys. We’ll see you in a bit,” Serenity waved her hand, and she vanished at the speed of light.

“If Serenity-san can move at the speed of light, then why not bade her to scout all the hallways rather than a single one? One could use the telepathy powers they all now possess to keep in constant contact.”

“Rosalina, you and I will take the left hallway, and Jewel and Jack can take the middle hallway.”

“Ah, the customary division of forces based on their romantic relationships. One was not aware of this tactic until Ghostcat-sama pointed it out in several moving pictures.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Rosalina agreed, taking Jacob by the hand as they walked down the left hallway, and Jack and Jewel traveled through the middle hallway.

:waves: “May your deaths be swift and honorable!”

Sasha and Jade didn’t find a secret room or anything of the sort, but they did locate the area where the dungeons were.

Nani? The entire group journeyed through this passage, yet they somehow missed a section of dungeons? One would consider that a secret location.”

Different prisoners were placed in separate cells chained individually to the walls with shackles on their legs.

“Many secret rooms! It would seem very redundant to both chain a captive to the wall as well as locking them within a cell, one is surprised that did not…”

:sirens blare:

“Ah! Apologies, Patoron-san, I must aid my kindred.”


“That was quite invigorating! I can see why Ghostcat-sama finds this Xenodoken Gun so useful.”

:muffled, from above: Did you use my gun, you bastard? :thud!-thud!: I’m gonna kill you!

“Apologies, but it seems that there are … squirrels in the ducts.” :presses button on console: “I will have the interns attend to the matter.”

:muffled: I’ll show you who’s a squirrel, you … :scuffling sounds: What the … Get off of me! I’ll kick your pointy heads in!

Just the sight of the tortured people locked up made both Samurai Sisters physically nauseous.

“These Sisters are surprisingly squeamish for seasoned warriors.”

Sasha wanted desperately to break the shackles off of the feet of the prisoners, unchain them from the walls, and set them all free.

“An easy task for one with her abilities, and in the process they shall gain allies to aid them in their mission. A sound tactic.”

Unfortunately, that action would definitely put them at high risk of becoming prisoners themselves.

“One fails to see how you could become prisoners if all the cells and chains were destroyed. The oni Aku would likely slaughter you outright instead.”

Serenity and Luna didn’t come across any secret room either, but they did come across a room filled with potions, spell books, and other unidentifiable instruments.

“One does not have the expertise of my honorable colleague and occasional bowling partner Booky-dono, but if these items are visually recognisable as bottles and books then they are simply unknown rather than unidentifiable.”

The majority of the potion bottles and spell books in the room were most likely stolen.

“A fair assessment, given the oni Aku’s nature, but one wonders what a creature of pure magic and evil would want with such items.”

Luna found one particular potion in the room that was a glowing yellow color that she thought must be powerful, so she snatched it off the shelf from the right side of the round room.

“Many hours watching Ghostcat-sama’s terebi informs me that this would be a poor course of action to choose.”

Serenity spotted a book that contained both spells and incantations

:sirens blare:

“Apologies, Patoron-san. I will be but a moment.”


Yosh, quite invigorating! One must speak with DaburuMegane-chan about acquiring one of these devices for the clan’s use.”

that seemed promising, so she decided to take it just in case. She thought it might come I handy if ay enemies showed up.

“Despite their professed dedication to annihilating the oni Aku, these Sisters are easily distracted by things that have no relevancy to their mission. This wandering about procuring random items is much like that strange game with the many-sided dice that Ghostcat-sama enjoys.”

Jacob and Rosalina came upon a room full of weapons that Aku’s minions used to torture his captive prisoners.

“The prisoners, which are kept in rooms located on the passageway where the group entered, are tortured in a room located in this passage some distance away. This palace is very poorly designed.”

The room was filled with whips, swords, and other sharp weapons like axes and swords.

:alarms blare:

“Again? This is becoming repetitive. If you will pardon me …” :loud screams and sounds of fighting from outside: “Odd, it would seem that someone has started repelling the agents already. I wonder who it could be?”

:the door to the Riffing Chamber flies inward with tremendous force, slamming into the wall:

:a blood-splattered figure, wreathed in smoke, stands in the doorway:

Hello, sensei.

“Oh, no.”


Hey there, Patrons! I finally made it after someone :kick! kick!: tried to lock me out of the Riffing Chamber. I’m sure this certain someone has learned the error of their ways and won’t be trying that again. Right, sensei?

:soft groans:

Try not to bleed on the carpet, dude; it’s new.

So where are we? :glances through fic: Rosalina/Rosaline and Man-Candy have found a torture room full of pointy things. Got it.

Rosalina took one glance at a giant axe hanging from the wall, and imagined a prisoner being beheaded by one of Aku’s minions with one chop of the blade.

Ewww. That’s not technically torture, it’s just plain old execution.

Just picturing the image of an innocent man’s head being chopped off made her stomach squirm. Rosalina had a seriously terrible fear of the sight of blood.

The fearless warrior is afraid of blood. Why the hell is she even here? Does she seriously think there’s a way to get through this with absolutely no bloodshed?

She could stand a small portion of blood outside of the body,

I sure as hell hope so since she’s a woman. We spend roughly a quarter of our productive lives washing blood out of things.

but she couldn’t stand any more than that because the look of it made her puke.

Okay, that doesn’t sound like she’s afraid of it. It just makes her feel sick, which is something else. I forget what it’s called.

:muffled speech:

:Ghostie moves her foot: You say something, sensei?

“It is known as the vasovagal response. One who suffers from the condition becomes ill or faint at the sight of blood; in extreme cases even the mere thought of blood can trigger a response.”

Yeah, that thing – vase of Vegas or whatever.

Jack and Jewel didn’t encounter any rooms or prisoners on their journey through their hallway.

Man! I hate it when I’m on a dungeon crawl and I’m the only one who doesn’t find anything.

“Or one finds only mimics that eat one’s face.”

You regularly have tea and scones with carnivores who can literally eat your real face and you’re still upset about that?

“I worked hard on that rogue.”

However, they did find a long winding staircase that traveled up into what appeared to be a tower.

:Ishi and Ghostie look up:

So does it just look like a tower or is it a real tower? I’m confused.

“It is the Void, Ghostcat-sama. It can be both a tower and not a tower at the same time.”

Ooh, it’s Schrödinger’s Void!

They suspected that this path must lead straight to Aku’s location.

“Why would they suspect such a thing?”

I dunno, maybe there’s a sign somewhere with a big arrow pointing up. Too bad Luna’s not around, she could probably “feel” Aku’s evil and tell the others the right way to go.

“If she could do such a thing, why did she not do so before they divided themselves into couples?”

I’m guessing the author forgot about Luna being able to sense him.

Without further hesitation, they both began walking up the long staircase toward their next destination.

“Apologies, but were they previously hesitating to climb these stairs?”

Not that I can tell. The author probably just likes how that sounds.

The large winding staircase felt as if it was going on forever, but the two warriors had traveled this far and refused to give up now.

“We have to free these prisoners,” Sasha said, jumping down into the dungeon area without thinking about the consequences of her actions.

…What the hell just happened? Where did Sasha come from? I thought she was off in the prison section!

“It would appear that there are no transitions to distinguish one scene from another.”

:eye-twitch: Fabulous. I think I’d rather have scene tags.

“But not the P.O.V. Tags.”

Sweet mercy, no! Never them.

“Sasha, are you crazy?” Jade half-shouted, staring down at her in rage. “You’re going to get us all killed.”

“I think not. Allow me to grant you prisoners your freedom!”

I don’t really see why Jade would have a problem with releasing the prisoners. They’re supposed to be these big heroes so naturally they would want to free them, plus they might join the Sisters in attacking Aku.

“If nothing else, a large group of prisoners running through the palace would serve as a distraction for the oni Aku’s minions.”

Minions that have been surprisingly absent. There were robotic snakes way out in the middle of a barren desert, but absolutely nothing inside this palace. It doesn’t make sense.

Then she instantly took action without another word, and used her earth powers to brake the shackles from the prisoners’ feet. She broke the chains from their wrists that bound them to the walls using her earth bending power. Tired of just standing around watching from the sidelines, Jade jumped down into the dungeon as well to help Sasha free the rest of the prisoners.

Why are you wasting power on this? Use your frickin’ swords!

“Apologies, but I am not certain that Sasha-san has a sword.”

Oh, please. They all have swords. Jewel-Sue has one, so they will all have one.

Her powers of nature were useless in this area because there weren’t any wildlife or plants around she could draw spiritual energy from.

Wait a second – before she created plants out of nothing, but now she has to have an existing plant to manipulate? Damn; all of the other Sues are getting stronger with new ass-pulled powers as the fic progresses but Jade has actually gotten weaker.

“Why did Jade-san not bring plant life with her if it is required to make her powers respond?”

The author probably just invented this limitation. Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t last.

Since there was no other option, Jade just used her natural strengths by using her sword to brake the chains and shackles off of the people trapped in the cells.

See? She has a sword! They must all have them!

“One must not jump to conclusions, Ghostcat-sama.”

Serenity skimmed through the book she had found and spotted an image that caught her attention immediately.

And again, ZERO TRANSITIONS. Fan-frickin’-tastic.

“One must admit that it is … disconcerting.”

The picture she was staring at from the spell book was the image of the potion bottle that Luna had found.

What a crazy random happenstance!


The book that Serenity just happened to pick up just happens to have a picture of the potion bottle that Luna just happened to pick up in a completely unrelated event!

“Perhaps the image is just a bottle that is similar in shape to the one Luna-chan collected.”

Kind of like how deadly poison and essence of llama look exactly the same.

“A mistake one only makes once.”

Oh, c’mon. You got a nice sweater out of that incident. How many people can say they have a sweater made from their own fleece?

“It is not an accomplishment one brags about.”

She read the description of the potion written below the image, and discovered that the powerful potion had the ability to heal any injury or illness.

Is that all it does?

“Such a potion would be quite valuable.”

In a regular world, maybe. But they have the Aura Tablets, which cure everything, and three different healers in their group. This bottle’s nothing but a relaxing nightlight.

True, Jewel possessed the same abilities with her spiritual powers, but she thought that it would be wise to keep that potion bottle anyway.

Not really, but it’s your weight allowance.

“They possess the Bags of Holding.”

Son of a bitch!

“Hey, Luna,” Serenity spoke, breaking the silence.

“Yes, Serenity?” Luna responded.

“Check this out. According to this spell and incantation book I found, that potion you have there has magical healing abilities.”

:Ghostie groans:

“What ails you, Ghostcat-sama?”

They’re going to beat this thing into the ground, I just know it.

“A magic healing potion, huh? Aku is one evil and nasty demon, but he’s also a clever and filthy thief.

Who wouldn’t really need a potion like this, so I question why he would keep it around.

“Perhaps it is in truth a deadly poison.”

Ooh, I like that!

We better hold onto this potion just in case of an emergency, what do you think?”

Sure, what’s one more improbable panacea among friends?

“I thought you did not care for this potion.”

If it’ll move the fic forward, I say let them keep the damned thing. Hell, they should just start shoving shit into their Bags of Holding and then haul ass out of there. They can figure out what they have later.

“I couldn’t agree more. I’ll hold onto this book just in case as well. Besides, even if I don’t use it again on this quest, something tells me Madam Alicia would love to have another spell book in her shop,” Serenity replied, placing the spell book inside of an old leather satchel she was carrying with her wrapped around her shoulder.

And she’s probably never going to even look at that book again. It’s as good as vanished into the SDQF.

:Ishi holds up a book: “I have located the volume!”

Sweet! :high-fives Ishi:

“Just the sight of these whips bring back painful memories of when Aku’s minions used to strike me with them,” Jacob said, staring at the whips handing from the walls angrily as if they would magically come to life at any moment and start attacking him.

:headdesk: Again with the sudden scene shift! This is not how to write, author!

“If Jacob-san is uncomfortable being around the torture devices, then why does he linger?”

Maybe he’s into that sort of thing now.

“By the look of this humungous axe, I can tell it most likely has beheaded numerous innocent people,” Rosalina added, shuddering at the thought of so much blood shed.

“That is an unfounded speculation.”

But it’s probably the right one, since the first theory put forward in a fic is always the correct one.

“But an axe is not simply for beheading. One can lop off limbs, or bisect a body, or perform many other useful tasks.”

You are a weird dude, sensei.

“Rosalina, are you alright?”

“I’m fine. The thought of blood just came to my mind when I pictured that axe being used to kill someone.”

Oh, right; the vasovagal thing. Between him having flashbacks and her getting ready to faint, you’d think they would already have left this room.

“They cannot leave yet, they must acquire souvenirs first.”

I’d grab that axe; it’d look awesome over the fireplace in the Library’s sitting room.

“Oh, yes. I nearly forgot that you are homophobic.

Perry Spit

:double spit-take:



You can’t stand the sight of blood,” Jacob acknowledged, remembering how his beloved reacted to the sight of a large amount of blood. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not feeling sick or anything are you?”

That’s … That’s not what that word means. At all.

“It is not even close. One assumes the author intended to use ‘hemophobic’, a fear of blood, but that is not the condition that Rosa-chan suffers from.”

This is why you should never use words you don’t understand as sentence-garnishes; but if you are, make damned sure you spell the word correctly.

“Don’t worry about me, dear. I’m feeling perfectly fine now that the image of blood is no longer in my head,” Rosalina assured him, and then breathed fire on the whips and the giant axe.

“Apologies, but I do not think Rosa-chan would be able to recover from her distress so quickly.”

I guess she wasn’t that affected by her own imaginings. She’s even started using her powers, which would presumably require a lot of focus and attention.

“Rosalina, what are you doing?”

“Destroying these weapons. Aku’s minions have hurt and murdered more than enough innocent people. I say we dispose of all of these crude tools that have been used for nothing but pain. What do you say? Are you with me?”

Hell no, woman! You just said it yourself; you’re not just destroying “crude tools”, you’re destroying weapons! Grab all those prisoners that the other two are setting free – which you should know about due to your shared telepathic powers – and then arm them! Boom, instant army.

“Even if they do not wish to do the practical thing, this is a very dangerous situation. The temperatures needed to burn leather and melt metal are very high; Rosa-chan may be immune to her flames but Jacob-san is not.”

Man-Candy gonna melt.

“I say that you’re right. I’ll help you destroy the rest of these dangerous weapons,” Jacob concurred, as Rosalina set fire to the rest of the weapons in the room, and he splashed the fire out with water leaving nothing but wet ashes on the floor.

First off, where did the water come from?

:Isi points into Void: “There.”

:facepalm: Thanks, sensei. But she just set the room on fire and everything was reduced to ashes in seconds? I don’t buy that.

“It would require exceptionally high temperatures to accomplish this, Ghostcat-sama. Jacob-san, and possibly Rosa-chan herself, should have perished in the blaze.”

The two lovebirds continued to walk up the staircase further up the tower.

Which two lovebirds? The last scene featured Rosalina/Rosaline and Man-Candy, who are a couple, but Jack and Jewel-Sue could be considered a couple as well.

“The lack of transitions is quite unsettling.”

Sweat poured down their foreheads as they pressed on climbing up the stairs. It felt as if they had walked at least a mile up the tower, and both Jack and Jewel began to feel tired and breathless.

Damn. For supposed badasses, you are really out of shape.

“They have spent the past days consuming nothing but sushi and green tea. Perhaps they are malnourished.”

At some moment, both warriors had come to a breaking point, and decided to sit down for a while to rest their feet. They sat on the stone steps side by side, and looked up toward the tower’s ceiling to see how much further they had to travel.

“This does not bode well for the coming battle.”

If they have this much trouble with the frickin’ stairs, Aku is going to kick their ass.

“How much further until you think we will reach the top of this tower?” Jack asked, wondering what she thought.

“I don’t know. The top doesn’t look too much further. Maybe ten or fifteen minutes tops. It shouldn’t take up too much longer,” Jewel answered, as Jack took her hand in his.

That’s what, three flights of stairs?

“Perhaps only one, given their difficulties in climbing.”

“I am glad you came with me on my quest.”

“I’m happy to be with your right now…”

“But how does Jewel-san feel about Jack-san’s left?”

Meh. She’s indifferent to it.

Jack and Jewel leaned in closer toward one another, and became instantly intoxicated by each other’s presence.

Ugh. Not more of this “romantic” nonsense. This is neither the time nor the place.

“You have no romance in your soul, Ghostcat-sama.”

What I should have is no romance in this Adventure fic.

He caressed her face with the tenderness of a dove, and she blushed as she gazed into his eyes.

“Tenderness of doves? Are shirohato truly so tender?”

If you cook ’em right, they are. Lots of little bones, though.

Jazz hands!

The color and brightness of Jewel’s sparkling blue eyes hypnotized Jack completely.

“The sorceress has bewitched him!”

That explains … a lot, actually.

He cupped her face and gave her a warm kiss that sent her heart racing with anticipation. The Jack wrapped his arms around her in a full body embrace, and Jewel hugged him in return.

Jack’s the one initiating this? He’s a stoic samurai! He doesn’t show emotions that easily.

“I told you, he has been bewitched.”

It’s as good an explanation as any, I guess.

She melted in his muscular, sinewy arms as the luscious kiss deepened between them.

:alarms blare:


:Ghostie stands up, walks over to alarm, and calmly breaks it before returning to her seat:

“Ghostcat-sama, was that wise?”

Don’t worry about it, I’ve already taken care of all the waiting agents.

:long pause: “All of them? Even …”

Yep. They were blocking the way.

“…One wishes to apologize; one should not have locked Ghostcat-sama out of the chamber.”

No, one should not have.

They were oblivious to the world around them, and their lips continued to press and smack against each other.

I don’t think they’re doing that right.

“It is not as if they have much experience in such matters.”

They’re sharing a kiss, not slapping each other in the face with their lips.

“One fails to see the difference.”

And you say I’m not romantic.

True, this was only the second time they had kissed, but this kiss they shared was a thousand times better than the last.

The last one didn’t have lip-slapping.

“But Jack-san was recovering from his many injuries and thus not at his full strength.”

As their lips finally parted, Jewel felt light headed from kissing Jack for such a long period of time. They both appeared to be dizzy and drunk in the warmth of their love.

Or they haven’t learned how to breathe while deep-kissing someone.

“You are supposed to breathe?”

Dude, you’re married and you haven’t figured that out?

“Kanai-san can be quite forceful in her affections.”

… I don’t even want to know.

Sasha and Jade had managed to break all of the prisoners out of the dungeons. However, now that all of the people were free from their cells, where were they going to go?

Up the tower to distract Aku?

“Patrolling the halls to defend the Sisters against the absent minions?”

Anything useful?

The only place the escaped prisoners could go to was Fang Desert outside of the castle.

So that’s a no on the ‘anything useful’ front, then?

Unfortunately, the prisoners who were now free could not go there because they would most likely be devoured by a pack of giant robotic serpents.

“Robots do not require sustenance; they would destroy the freed prisoners but it is unlikely they would consume them.”

And I’m sure the distinction would be ever so comforting to them. I want to know why there’s a ton of robot minions outside be absolutely none inside.

“Budget cuts?”

“You know, I’m surprised none of Aku’s minions have showed up here yet,” Jade pointed out, looking around to see if there was any sign of Aku’s henchmen lurking anywhere.

Yeah, that is surprising. The place should be lousy with them.

“Excellent point, my Samurai Sister. Except, our main concern now is to get those freed prisoners to a safe area,” Sasha acknowledged.

“Which would be difficult to do if said minions arrived to stop you.”

I don’t think that’s occurred to them yet.

“Yes, we do. There’s just one problem…there is no safe area close by where we can take them.”

“Leave them where they are.”

They’re in a prison!

“With no guards. They would be safe within the cells if their jailers assumed they were still bound.”

“Don’t be so sure, Jade,” Luna said, jumping down into the dungeon with Serenity by her side.

“You have a solution, Luna?”

“Yes, we do. Serenity and I came across a room filled with potions, magical instruments and spell books.”

Are they going to use the prisoners as guinea pigs to find out what the stuff does?

“That would be an interesting experiment.”

Are you taking notes?!?


“And it just so happens that I found a spell book that contains a transportation spell. I can use this spell to transport these people safely to our village,” Serenity explained, holding up the book to Jade, so she could see the page with the spell they needed to use in it.

You gave them the book back?

“Of course not. It must be a different spell book. There were many in the room.”

Wait a second … Why do they need the spell book? Man-Candy had a transportation spell that they could use to transport the prisoners out of the palace.

“As the Sisters did not use this spell to travel to the palace, they have likely forgotten its existence.”

:facepalm: Ugh! This fic would make a lot more sense if the author could just keep track of shit.

“Well, thank heaven you found this,” Jade said, sighing in relief.

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“One may almost call it convenient.”

It’s almost as if they couldn’t speak telepathically over great distances and thus would know that there were a large number of prisoners that needed to be move.d

“And it is a further pity that Luna-chan and Serenity-san could not give this spell to the others via the same means and save themselves the trip to the prison.”

Yeah, it’s a real shame they can’t do all of that.

“Alright, Serenity. Cast that spell so we can keep moving on our quest.”

“No problem, Sasha. I’m on it,” Serenity replied, holding the book in front of her as she spoke the spell aloud.

You should totally trust this random book you found in the liar of an evil dude. No way it could be something bad.

“It has worked out well for them in the past.”

But they should be at least a little suspicious.

Prisoners who are now free,

Allow me to assist thee.

Oi, more poetry.

Sun, moon, earth and sky,

Grant these people wings to fly.

“I fail to see how granting these prisoners wings would aid them in their quest for freedom.”

They could fly over the robotic snakes, I guess.

Take them to a safe location,

Preferably, our previous destination…”

“Apologies, but was not their previous destination to find the oni Aku?”

That could be a problem.

Serenity’s eyes glowed brilliantly white, and brightened up the entire dungeon. All of the freed prisoners’ bodies illuminated bright white light, and then they all vanished without a trace. After all of the freed prisoners disappeared from the dungeons, Serenity’s eyes stopped glowing, and she closed the spell book with a snap of her wrist. All of the other warriors stared at her in open admiration at how well she performed the spell without hesitation or any sign of nervousness.

“Assuming that she did in truth cause them to be transported.”

What do you mean? They have to have gone somewhere.

“They vanished, but there is no way of knowing where they have gone. It is even possible that they have been dissolved into nothingness.”

Lucky bastards.

“Awesome spell casting, Serenity. Did the spell actually say those exact words in the book?” Luna wondered, eyeing her suspiciously.

I hope so. A spell book isn’t much use without actual spells in it.

“That would make it simply a book, would it not?”

“No, it didn’t.

:double spittake:

The instructions specifically said that I had to come up with my own words to cast the spell.

“Then exactly what did the book offer?”

I have no idea. If she was making up her own shitty poetry then she didn’t really need it.

The spell book also states that I need strong spiritual powers in order for the spell to work, which I luckily have had since the day I was born,” Serenity informed them, overjoyed at that moment for being such a great help on their quest.

So this book of spells, that didn’t actually have a spell in it, could only be used by someone with spiritual powers?

“Apologies, but do they not all have different spiritual powers?”

Yeah, so she’s not really as useful as she thinks she is.

“Nor is this spellbook that lacks any spells.”

“Fantastic job, girl. Thanks for helping us and those freed prisoners out,” Sasha grinned, giving her a high five.

“Glad I was able to help.”

Yes, awesome job doing what any of them could have done.

“They likely would not have put on the light show, though.”

So one point in her favour, then.

“Now that we’ve got that taken care of, we need to locate everyone else,” Jade added, as she spotted a cloud of smoke trailing from the hallway above the dungeon.

“Is that smoke?”

“Yes it is, Luna. Something is burning. Let’s go check it out.”

:scratches head: I really don’t understand how this place is constructed.

“The Void is quite confusing.”

All four of them rushed out of the dungeon, and followed the trail of smoke down the hallway. It didn’t take the warriors long to find the source of the smoke. They found the room where the smoke was coming from, and saw Jacob and Rosalina standing on an ash covered floor. The ashes were sopping wet as well, and they could see that Jacob and Rosalina did quite a bit of damage to the room. Why did they do so much damage to this room? Luna thought, staring at the place in shock and surprise.

I’m still wondering how they did so much damage in so little time.

“And where the water came from.”

Yeah, there’s no open source of water in this place.

“To answer your thought, Luna,” Jacob said, using his telekinetic powers to levitate the wet ashes into an old wooden bucket. “Rosalina and I damaged this room because there were a ton of weapons in it.”

Oh, now they remember they have telepathy.

“It would have been much more useful earlier.”

And why the hell is Man-Candy cleaning up? This isn’t his home.

“And he is not a female.”

:pokes Ishi with Mr. Crowbar: Don’t make me hurt you.

:coughs nervously: “It must be a very large bucket to contain all the ashes from all the many weapons that were once within the room.”

Hmmm. Maybe we could get him to teach the interns that little trick. Could come in handy during Food Fight Fridays.

“What Jacob is trying to say is that we destroyed all of the deadly weapons in this room that Aku’s minions were using on innocent people,” Rosalina explained more elaborately.

That’s not really a better explanation, honey.

“It is at best slightly more embellished.”

Ugh. I bet they drive this into the ground, too.

“Well, you two certainly did an excellent job destroying and disposing of these weapons that used to be in here,” Luna pointed out, impressed by how well they used their powers to clear away the room of tools of evil and destruction.

In a completely unnecessary waste of their limited reserves of power. They’ve all been fucking about in the palace, squandering power, and still haven’t even found the staircase leading up to Aku.

“One wonders why Jewel-san has not used her telepathy to inform the others of the true path.”

Author forgot about it. Again.

“We’re glad you two are alright. A smoke trail led us to you. If there wasn’t a trail of smoke, we probably wouldn’t have been able to find you,” Serenity stated bluntly.

:headdesk: Telepathy!



“Calm down, Ghostcat-sama.”

If the author’s gonna give them the damned power, they should actually use it when it would be practical and not just to root around in other people’s heads!

“Rosalina and I are happy you all are in one piece as well. Looks like you all have had quite a few mini adventures of your own.”

“One believes they are called side-quests.”

“Indeed we have, Jacob. Serenity and I found a magical healing potion, and a spell book that she used to transport freed prisoners from Aku’s dungeon.”

A superfluous healing potion and a spell that was made up on the spot and wasn’t even in the book.

“Both duplicate possessions or talents they already have possession of.”

Even as side-quests go, that was pretty useless.

“Luna and Serenity showed up after Jade and I freed the prisoners Aku held captive.”

And at just the right moment to be of use in sending the prisoners on their way. Somehow.


I almost wish they had, but I’m chalking it up to bad writing.

“Nice work ladies, but we better go find Jewel and Jack. Something tells me they are closer to Aku’s location now,” Jacob retorted, ending their conversation with a swish of his robe.

Could that something be telepathy, by chance?

“Did they cross the desert wearing robes? That seems impractical.”

Maybe they’re really Jawas.



All of the warriors ran down the hallway where Jack and Jewel traveled through.

“It is a staircase.”

It would be sad if the author forgot that part.

Just like the lovebirds, all of them stepped into the tower with the excruciatingly long winding staircase. They were trying to reach their friends quickly, but were too tired to run up the staircase to get to them. Knowing Jewel quite well, Jacob sensed she and Jack were already at the top of the tower.

Ah, well. You gave it your best shot. Time to raid the mini-bar.

“Apologies, but could they not use the transportation spell that Serenity-san created?”

:throws apple at Ishi: Shut it!

“We need to get to the top quickly, but how are we going to do it?” Serenity wondered, looking at the others for suggestions.

“I believe I offered a practical suggestion.”

You want another apple to the noggin?

“I’ll use my shadow possession technique. Brace yourselves,” Luna warned them, using her powers to overshadow all of their shadows, fuse them into one, and shift everyone including herself into the shadow as well.

“One fails to see how this would be helpful.”

I think we’ve just witnessed the congealing of a Character Blob.

:Ishi waves a card in the air: “Fic Bingo!”


She also used her shadow shifting technique to transport them all up to the top of the tower where they met up with Jack and Jewel.

“Apologies, but could she do that before?”

I don’t think so. If she could, then she should have used that power to explore the hallways if Serenity wasn’t able to use her faster-than-light speed to do it. The power probably didn’t exist then, though.

“One wonders why Luna-chan would use her limited powers to simply avoid climbing stairs; in a previous chapter just traveling alone through a shadow was enough to deplete her reserves.”

As long as it moves this monster forward, I’m not going to question it too closely.

They all stood at the wooden door at the top, and Jacob used his power of telekinesis to unlock and open the door to reveal Aku who waited inside.

He’s just in there, chilling, waiting for them to come attack him.

“In truth, it is likely the only way they could approach him.”

Yeah, this Character Blob’s about as subtle as a hammer to the head.

That’s all for this week, Patrons! See you next time with the exciting conclusion to Samurai Jack meets Jewel Lee!


14 Comments on “910: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee – Chapter XIII”

  1. The Crowbar says:

    Excuse me, but wouldn’t trying to break metal shackles with a sword just ruin the fucking sword?

    • SC says:

      Oh, just wait till Fraug gets here.

    • It should, but these swords have been doing a lot of things that swords shouldn’t be able to do – like cut through metal robots. I assume they’re “special” like Jewel-Sue’s is supposed to be, but there’s really been no specifics on why her sword is special other than her father (the potter) made it for her.

  2. The Crowbar says:

    :pokes Ishi with Mr. Crowbar: Don’t make me hurt you.

    Hey! Put me down!

  3. AdmiralSakai says:

    That’s all for this week, Patrons! See you next time with the excruciating conclusion to Samurai Jack meets Jewel Lee!

    Fixed it for you.

  4. TacoMagic says:

    One by one, each warrior crept down the same hallway, somehow avoiding the guards all together.

    *Twitch Twitch*

    Such great scene building.

  5. TacoMagic says:

    Mooooooooom! Ghostie is stealing all my animated gifs!

    “I am not your mother. At least, I do not think I am. The time between the fall of the Empire and the Yuuzhan Vong war is pretty hazy. I think that is around the time I discovered Spice, so I suppose anything could have happened.”

    Please stop talking.

  6. TacoMagic says:

    He’s just in there, chilling, waiting for them to come attack him.

    Almost as bad as Mega Man bosses.

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