908: Life with Raptors – Chapter Three

Title: Life with Raptors
Author:   AwesomeHunter77
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre:  Humor/Drama
URL: Life with Raptors
Critiqued by TacoMagic and Eliza

Welcome back to Life with Raptors, where the plot’s made up and the characters don’t matter.

Last week on Raptor and I, another raptor required a medical visit; this time due to swallowing an empty soda can.

“I am deeply embarrassed for these raptors.”

Not much else happened, actually.  The sue bumbles in, throws her balls around to distract the other raptors, does a quick sodacanectomy, and leaves.  That’s pretty much it.  Nedry makes a quick pseudo-appearance, but it’s forgettable and doesn’t really go anywhere or establish anything important beyond May being a shallow asshole.

Meanwhile, much later:

Chapter 3: Guests, and attacks, with a side of rescuing/kidnapping

OH GODS, THE CHAPTER TITLE!  IT BURNS!

“Ddrama-llama.”

“MAY! GET UP!” Arnold yelled over the radio. I jumped out of bed and landed on my butt on the floor.

“If you ever need to do this for your employees, then you need better hiring practices.”

“What?” I growled as I tried to fix my hair.

And if this is how your employees respond, then you need to reevaluate your retention practices.

“John’s Grandkids, those paleontologists, that mathematician, and the lawyer, are all arriving today for a tour of the park!” Arnold said angrily. My body froze.

“Uh…right…s-sorry.” I said before getting ready.

And why is that important?  May is the incompetent veterinary intern, not park guest relations.  I’d say that maybe Hammond needs some baby-sitting done, but I wouldn’t even be comfortable letting May watch my cat for more than a few minutes.

Another shower, dried off, brushed my teeth, got my clothes ready.

Wait, another shower?  How many showers do you need in the morning?

“Personally, I don’t even think about beginning my day until I’ve had three or four.”

Wait, is that why the gas bill has been so high recently!?

But there was one key thing I would need today: My lucky Velociraptor claw.

Once again I ask: Why?

I found it on a vacation with my parents while we were in Mongolia, and ever since, I’ve loved dinosaurs, mostly Velociraptors, which is why I’m never ACTUALLY mad when I go to take of the alpha.

Which is probably why they’re always sending you.  You’re the only idiot who will actually go into a live raptor cage and be happy about it.

“Well, will you look at that, she got the country of origin for the Velociraptor correct.”

That she did.  However, she’s neglecting the fact that removing a dinosaur fossil from China without authorization is a pretty big crime.  Now, Velociraptor claws are relatively common so buying one in a Chinese market is probably within reason, if unlikely to be legal, but just snagging one up off the ground and leaving with it is a huge no-no.

“Further evidence that May is not a very good person.”

I put the claw in my pocket and sighed. I’m going to need all the luck I could get.

Avoiding Chinese authorities?  Yeah, they don’t give up, do they?

I was going on that tour around the park, Gerry said he would handle the dinosaurs on his own.  I didn’t believe that.

WHY!?  Whose idea was that?  Why are they letting the veterinary intern lead the tour!?  In the movie Hammond leads most of the tour personally before eventually turning it over to the automated jeep system because it’s such a critical tour to the future of the island!  It was drastically important that the tour go well because he needed some authorities to endorse the island.  If you’re going to tweak cannon to make that May’s job (and let me tell you, you’re going to need to really, really convince me that Hammond would let somebody else do it), you need way more justification than: “Because Sue!”

Seth’s POV

I’d complain that the first scene was token and unnecessary, but it does establish a flaw with the Mary Sue: She’s consistently tardy and can’t be trusted to value her work enough to be punctual to a critically important tour of the facility that she is leading.

“SO WHY THE HECK ARE THEY LETTING HER LEAD THE TOUR!?”

BLUE!

I was sleeping soundly when Ellie started to nudge my side to get me up. It wasn’t working.

“Do all the Raptor and I clones feature characters who have a hard time getting out of bed?”

Actually, yes.

“That’s quite disheartening.”

So she proceeded to kick me. “OW!” I growled as her claw managed to break my scales. “Fine. I’m up…” I growled as I stood up.

“Sorry, Seth. But today’s THE day of our escape.” She said to me. I smiled.

Which won’t happen until the storm hits late this evening.  So, you know, feel free to sleep in.

“Ellie is just being a jerk at this point.”

Maybe.  I’m a hard fellow to get out of bed, so I can relate to being grumpy even when I request being woken up earlier than I’d actually get out of bed by myself.

“And I will have my alpha female today as well…” I said under my breath.

“I see the characterization of Sorin is still there under the hood.”

And by “glad” you mean…

“Terrified and disillusioned.”

But Ellie sighed. “Seth…maybe you should…Give up on that, she’s not a velociraptor, she’s a human.” Ellie said, but I shook my head.

Listen to the woman!

“She speaks much sense!”

“I don’t care. Either way, raptor or human, she will be part of the pack.” I said as I lay down at the place where humans could only exit and enter and looked out. “My human…” I said under my breath.

Possessive, check.

“You do realize that having a mate entails more than just having her in your pack, right?  Even ignoring the requirement for intercourse and procreation, which their incompatible biology precludes in this case, as an alpha she would actually have to keep order among the females.  Seeing as she lacks the natural weapons of the raptors, I couldn’t see that ending well.”

That didn’t stop Rae from-

“Do NOT finish that sentence.”

Right.

“Guys, I think Seth doesn’t get it.” Ellie said to Austin, Max, and Lily.

I guess Ellie is the token voice of reason for the fic, then.

“At least this fic has once.”

Raptor and I had one.  Well, until Rae-

“Are you trying to get eaten?”

“Said the raptor who thought that lizard in our exhibit was destined to be your mate.” Max said.

“My shame at the tenuous connection to these “raptors” is growing by the second.”

If it makes you feel better, technically I’m the same species as the author.

“Actually, that rather does.”

I was young.” Ellie whined.

Tension through whining. It’s been several days since I last saw that.

“Like, since last Wednesday.”

Not quite as far back if you count reading the other fics we post on the site.

“Burn.”

“…That was the day before you swallowed that shiny thing.” Lily said.

Uh…How about we act like this never happened?” Ellie suggested. Everyone just nodded, and lay in wait.

*Taco checks the script*

Well, here it is right here:  ‘Raptors to be played by dense preteens.’

“Ugh, terrible casting decision.”

May’s POV

“Yay, another point of view tag!”

I watched as the helicopter landed, carrying Dr. Grant, Dr. Sattler, Dr Malcolm, and Mr. Hammond.

Yay, scene regurgitation!

“Well, at least she doesn’t mention all the guys in pink shirts running around.”

Pink shirts?

“Here, near the end of this:”

Well, I’ll be damned.

It was about twenty minutes later that they arrived.

Wha?  But she just watched it land!  With as deep and tortuous as the run into the helipad is, there’s no way that helicopter could land twenty minutes away and still have her be able to see it.

“The helicopter must have landed in some kind of highly-localized time dilation.”

And Mr. Hammond was ambushed by his two grandkids.

It’s a shame to see a man cut down in his prime of life by two grandchildasaruses.

*Eliza shakes her head*

“I don’t know about you sometimes.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. I introduced myself, and the doctors didn’t seem to mind me being along for the trip.

That’s nice.  Why are you on this tour, again?

But before I got into the jeep. I had to bring something to Mr. Hammond’s attention “Uh. Mr. Hammond? I think you should know that Dennis tried to…hurt one of the raptors.” I said to him.

To be fair, that is kind of important.  Not true to canon, but important to bring to somebody’s attention if its happening, though going right to Hammond is probably not a good way to respect the chain of command.  If nothing else, your boss is probably going to be pissed that you didn’t say anything to him.  However, do you know what’s more important?

“The male dinosaurs?”

THE FUCKING MALE DINOSAURS!

“How so?” He asked. All I had to do was hold up the soda can.

And?  Are you going to hold it up?  The audience would love to see those kinds of things.

“I’ll deal with him later. But for now, just go on the tour, relax for today.” He said.

GAH!  Why is she on this tour!?  Clearly she’s been here long enough that people trust her to go into enclosures by herself, so why is she here!?

“Because plot regurgitation?”

Dammit.

I smiled and went down to the two jeeps, discarding the soda can into a trash can on my way down.

Dude, recycle.

“Now who’s the jerk?”

The tour went smoothly, but the only thing seen was a sick Triceratops.

That is about the shortest recap of the first 45 minutes of the movie I think I’ve ever seen.

I offered to help, but Dr. Sattler said she would stay, so the tour continued on without her.

Yes, gods forbid that the person already familiar with the park stay and help while the guest continues to tour the park.  Way better the other way around.

Author, one simple question: WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING!?

“Down, boy.”

Then, we came to the Tyrannosaurus exhibit. And lucky for me with what would be happening later, I was with Tim, Lex, and the lawyer.

The_Fuck_am_I_reading

“Hold on, we’ll try to draw the Tyrannosaurus out.” Arnold’s voice came over the jeep’s radio.

“Everyone do the plot regurgiation dance!”

*Eliza jumps up on the snark desk and starts doing an English Jig.*

You’re an embarrassment to all top predators.

“True, but they don’t have nearly as much fun.”

We saw a goat come out of the dispenser. And then a conversation about lamb chops and Lex being a vegan.

Look, if you’re not going to rebuild the scene with any amount of effort, don’t send your self-insert on the tour.  I mean, if you’re going to be lazy, just skip the scene entirely; that saves a lot more effort.

Then, when it seemed hopeless.

I think you forgot at least half.

“So did you, Taco.  You didn’t finish that sentence.”

Thanks, Eliza, that was indeed the joke.

The power shut off as a storm hit.

Is that supposed to be a counterpoint to things seeming hopeless?

“Maybe she thrives on chaos and discord?”

Well, she is rather evil, I suppose.

It would probably come back on when the storm passed, but there was a problem.

Ah yes, the T-rex.

“With as unimportant as she was a few minutes ago, I’m surprised the author even remembered.  Maybe we should get her out of there.”

No, one T-rex is plenty.

“Gumdrop will be so disappointed.”

Anyway, from here the scene with the T-rex escaping and attacking the jeep is poorly regurgitated.  It’s exactly the same except that May is there with the two kids instead of them being by themselves.  So yeah, totally pointless.

Seth’s POV

Meanwhile, with the jerk.

I climbed up and slowly touched the hollow pipe. No shock.

Well, electrified plumbing isn’t exactly what I’d go with, but if you’re gonna electrify something, I suppose the plumbing is certainly an option.

“Good thing porcelain is a poor conductor.”

How do you know that?

Wait, why do you know that!?

“No reason.  Just be careful around the pipes on sub-level 53, kay?”

I smirked, wrapped my hand around the pipe, and pulled.

*GONG*

AUTHORS!  KNOCK IT OFF WITH THE SMIRKING!

“So, he finds a metal pipe and yanks on it?  That was his plan?  To pull with his little raptor arms on a large metal object and hope for the best?”

Still better than Sorin’s plan.

“Not by much.”

I then managed to break my out, head first, and landed on the metal ground, I turned and counted my pack.

Of course it worked; Stu status confirmed.

I wonder if those other three got out.” Lily pondered as we climbed down onto the dirt.

“I suppose turning around to see if the rest of your pack made it out okay is too much to ask.”

If they did, we have trouble.” Max inquired.

Oh, Lily must have meant the other pack.  You know, the one that’s never been mentioned before now.

“I hope I don’t have a doppleganger in this fic.  A girl can only take so much.”

It was then that roaring was heard, and screams, I could barely make out my human’s voice.

Uh, the raptor pens were nowhere near the T-rex enclosure.

*Eliza checks the script*

“May is to be played by Sean Cassidy.”

Now that’s just good casting.

COME ON! HURRY!” I commanded as I ran to where the screams and roars were coming from, my pack following.

At least this time there’s a reason for the pack to hurry.  In Raptor and I the pressing matter was to procure territory that they wouldn’t have any competition for.

We arrived quickly to see a weird dinosaur flipped on its back and being torn apart by a large two legged dinosaur.

Eh, that’s fair.  No reason to believe the raptors would know what either of those things are.

“Also, no reason to believe they would know what a dinosaur was, given that they’ve only ever experienced each other, the occasional food cow, and their monkey caretakers.”

Hmm, true.  They’d probably see it as a large raptor eating a strange cow.

Mud was seeping into very large wounds, and inside, were three humans, one of them mine!

Finally! We’re getting a change to the canon plot!  Maybe we’ll finally have some AU in one of these AU fics.

“This fic isn’t labeled as AU.”

Crap.

MY HUMAN!” I screeched. Without thinking, I charged out at the large dinosaur and leapt onto it. Causing it to roar and shake.

I sank my teeth and claws into it. My pack followed suit.

“Well, either it’s AU, or AH77 just moved the scene from near the end of the movie to near the middle.”

I’m not sure I like either of those possibilities.

Buy me time while I rescue my human!” I said to Max. He nodded and I leapt off.

The author gets a redemption cookie if May misconstrues his rescue attempt as an attack.

“Two if she shoots him.”

Oh man, that would be awesome!

I looked into the jeep, seeing to adolescent humans screaming at the sight of me, and my human, knocked out, unconscious.

She was knocked out by…?

“The plot.”

Right.

I grabbed her green scales and pulled her out of the weird dinosaur and dragged her into the trees nearby, the rest of my pack following.

And the T-rex right behind them.

“So that’s why they call him Crunchy!”

Maybe.  Crunchy lies about his past a lot, so getting eaten by a T-rex is as good a theory as any.

May’s POV

Wow, four POV tags in one post.  It’s like a buffet of setting!

We screamed as the T-Rex lifted its head and started to knock into the jeep again. But this time, it rammed it!

Dude, watch those pronouns.  I don’t want to have to issue a citation?

“Citation?”

I’m an honorary junior officer of Their Pronoun People.

“Now you’re making stuff up.”

The jeep flipped over, and we held on for dear life.  We landed in the mud, and the T-Rex started to crush it and pull it apart.

“Oh that poor mud.”

Mud deserves it, that jerk is always trying to sneak into my house and mess up the floor.

I feared for my life, when all of a sudden, something heavy hit my head, and I was out cold.

DAMN YOU, PLOT!

“That was easily second degree assault there, buddy.  We’re watching you, plot.”

I awoke a little bit later, and the last thing I saw before I was out again, was a pair of amber eyes staring down at me.

That T-rex is sure taking her sweet time.

“They like to relish their meals.  Have you seen Gumdrop eat ice cream?”

Yes. Sadly I didn’t remember to wear the poncho.

(Don’t you just hate uber aggressive T-Rexes?

The hell?

“I think it’s supposed to be an author’s note.”

Why is she speaking at us in raptor?

“Fills the time, I guess.”

Oh well.  Interestingly enough, AH77 isn’t wrong here.  The T-Rex in cannon is supernaturally aggressive toward the jeeps, especially after having just consumed a whole goat.  Not to mention there’s no way for it to have known the electricity was out or any reason for it to suddenly decide to test the fence.  Crichton needed a monster and the T-rex was a great candidate.  So long long as you don’t stop and think about how outlandish the attack is.

“You’re really a buzz-kill sometimes, Taco.”

Thank you!

Anyway. May has been taken by Seth, what will happen?

Having riffed Raptor and I, I can certainly guess.

“Please don’t, they’re depressingly accurate.”

Next time: Pack life? Or try and find help?)

“It’s like she’s not even trying to come up with her own material.”

Based on what we’ve read, she isn’t.

“Well, good!  I’d hate to think she wasted any effort in such a failed attempt.”

And with that, chapter three comes to a close!  Until next week, patrons!

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64 Comments on “908: Life with Raptors – Chapter Three”

  1. Herr Wozzeck says:

    And why is that important? May is the incompetent veterinary intern, not park guest relations.

    Well, Hammond did let the guests tour the genetics lab, so it’s probably not so far out of left field that he’d be like “HEY, SEE THE GARDENER DO HER STUFF!”

    Not that it would make sense, but hey, there are dumber things that happen in these fics.

  2. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I found it on a vacation with my parents while we were in Mongolia, and ever since, I’ve loved dinosaurs, mostly Velociraptors, which is why I’m never ACTUALLY mad when I go to take of the alpha.

    Sure, and I’m sure that it’s all lollipops and rainbows when you remember that velociraptors are apex predators!

    *headdesk*

    I mean, props to this author for making a girl who’s hardcore and not into that frilly shit, but come on!

  3. Herr Wozzeck says:

    So she proceeded to kick me. “OW!” I growled as her claw managed to break my scales.

    *frown*

    I’m pretty sure you’d have a bit more to worry about with a kick from a fucking velociraptor, Seth…

  4. Herr Wozzeck says:

    “Uh…How about we act like this never happened?” Ellie suggested.

    Feel free to add “whole fic” in there, and we’ll have an arrangement.

  5. Herr Wozzeck says:

    *Eliza shakes her head*

    “I don’t know about you sometimes.”

    Don’t question it, Eliza. We like to maintain our sanity around here.

  6. Herr Wozzeck says:

    I couldn’t help but chuckle a little. I introduced myself, and the doctors didn’t seem to mind me being along for the trip.

    SHOW DON’T TELL, AUTHOR! SHOW DON’T TELL!

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      I offered to help, but Dr. Sattler said she would stay, so the tour continued on without her.

      Oh come on! If you’re going to regurgitate the plot, at least show it! Even fucking InHarmsWay showed at least some of the plot he was regurgitating!

  7. Herr Wozzeck says:

    “Gumdrop will be so disappointed.”

    Sorry, Eliza, but I have reason to believe Gumdrop is asexual…

  8. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Uh, the raptor pens were nowhere near the T-rex enclosure.

    Hey, I’d rather have the raptors rescue the humans than have the “SORIN’S DRAGGING YOU AWAY NOW” bit that we got in the original.

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      Oh. So Seth rescued the one person, but not the other two kids or Dr. Grant. ‘Cause plot regurgitation, I suppose.

      *headdesk*

      Goddammit, and here I was starting to actually have hope for this fic!

    • TacoMagic says:

      True, in this case it’s a rescue rather than a kidnapping. I’m not giving him too much credit, though. It was kinda obvious that he’d planned to kidnap her in the first place and the T-rex was just an opportunity to be a hero. Sort of. He still needed to maintain the plot.

  9. “John’s Grandkids, those paleontologists, that mathematician, and the lawyer, are all arriving today for a tour of the park!” Arnold said angrily.

    The way that’s worded makes it look like the paleontologists, mathematician, and lawyer are all John’s grandkids. (And Ellie’s a paleobotanist, not a paleontologist.)

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      Didn’t stop her from administering medical treatment to a triceratops.

      • She didn’t treat it, she just diagnosed it as having been poisoned by the plants in its paddock.

      • TacoMagic says:

        Actually, that’s what she thought happened, but the caretakers assured her that the triceratops don’t eat the plant she implicated. There was also no traces of the plant in the stool.

        But I think that was pretty much her purpose in staying behind: point out all the poisonous plants to the caretakers who should already have know which were poisonous.

      • In the book I think they finally traced it to the triceratops swallowing the west indian lilac pods along with their gastroliths, which was missing from the movie. In the movie they never really find out what happened, it was just a way to split the party.

        • TacoMagic says:

          Hmm, that does sound right. Been about 18 years since I read the book so it’s hazy.

          Even so, I find it suspicious that nobody on the island knew that the plant was poisonous. It’s why I still hold Jurassic Park as the worst zoo. Not because of the events, but because of how poorly managed and staffed the damn thing was.

      • Yeah, the whole rationale behind it is flawed. They do admit to knowing it is toxic but reason that the dinosaurs don’t eat it so it’s okay to leave it there. How did they know the triceratops wouldn’t eat it when they planted it? Why would you risk accidentially poisoning an animal that has to be worth millions of dollars?

        • TacoMagic says:

          I’ve wondered for nearly 20 years why they didn’t spay the dinosaurs.

          I think I remember a bullshit reason being presented in one of the first two books, but I don’t think I believed it.

          You spend a few billion dollars creating dinosaurs, but don’t spend any time or money thinking of how to keep them from breeding beyond “make them all female.” Riiiiiiiight.

      • The only real reason I can think of is that they were all supposed to be female, which doesn’t explain why they didn’t sterilize them. They were all hatched and raised in a lab, so it would have been easy to spay them as an extra precaution. It’s not like they would have to trap them in the bush.

        • TacoMagic says:

          Right. If nothing else they could have been chemically sterilized or something, too.

          Lots of ways they could have taken the extra precaution.

          Then again, the whole changing genders thing was a flipping mess, too. The dinosaurs, bird precursors, were able to change their sex because the scientists used frog, amphibian, DNA to patch their genes and some frogs (2 species if I recall) are able to change their sex.

          Crichton was very not good at genetics.

          Beyond even that, WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T YOU WANT THE DINOSAURS TO BE ABLE TO BREED!? It costs x-millions of dollars to develop an embryo for a dinosaur and implant it in an ostrich egg. Meanwhile, it’s nearly free to have 2 dinosaurs have sexy times and lay eggs.

          If I created living dinosaurs, the first thing I’d flipping do is see if they could be successfully mated. That’s money in the bank!

      • That was the start of the “DNA is magic!” trend.

      • I don’t know about breeding them, all of the dinosaurs of a single species probably came from the same genetic material and would essentially be clones of the same animal. That kind of recursive inbreeding would be rife with genetic defects; it’d be better to just clone the living dinosaurs. It’d be easier than starting from scratch, and they could probably harvest eggs from the females instead of using ostrich eggs or whatever it was they had been using.

        • TacoMagic says:

          If you’ve licked genetics enough to revive dinosaurs using DNA extracted from blood samples that are 150+ millions of years old, then adding some salt to the DNA so that breeding would have a semblance of worthwhile recombination should be pretty easy to accomplish.

          It’s a dissonance of reasoning on Crichton’s part. He assumes reassembling 150+ million year old DNA would be pretty easy. But, if you can do that kind of DNA reassembly, you can do other things just as easily, such remove their ability to breed or add salt so they all look a little different. Probably even be able to figure out why everything was hyper-aggressive and tweak those segments to make them act like normal animals.

      • To be fair he wasn’t trying to create a practical method to resurrect dinosaurs, he just wanted a semi-plausible way to have a bunch of monsters chase his characters around an island so he went with a high-tech version of “A wizard did it”.

  10. May’s POV

    “Yay, another point of view tag!”

    :headdesk:

    :headdesk:

    :headdesk:

    :headdesk:

  11. “How so?” He asked. All I had to do was hold up the soda can.

    And how does that explain what happened? Just holding up the can doesn’t offer any useful information; Nedry could have chucked the can at one of the raptors.

  12. We saw a goat come out of the dispenser.

    Suddenly I’m picturing a giant PEZ dispenser filled with goats. It makes me smile.

  13. It would probably come back on when the storm passed, but there was a problem.

    That the storm is a massive hurricane that will take several hours to pass?

  14. No, one T-rex is plenty.

    “Gumdrop will be so disappointed.”

    :looks over at Gumdrop, who is dressed in a tuxedo and holding a bouquet of roses:

    I’m not going to be the one to tell him.

  15. AdmiralSakai says:

    I then managed to break my out, head first

    OW. I mildly sprained my out back in fourth grade and even that hurt like hell. I don’t even want to think about Seth wandering around with his out completely broken.

  16. AdmiralSakai says:

    We saw a goat come out of the dispenser. And then a conversation about lamb chops and Lex being a vegan.

    So that must be a special Jurassic Park PEZ dispenser that produces both live goats and… conversations.

    Wait, isn’t something that dispenses conversations just called a “speaker”?

  17. AdmiralSakai says:

    We arrived quickly to see a weird dinosaur flipped on its back and being torn apart by a large two legged dinosaur.
    Mud was seeping into very large wounds, and inside, were three humans, one of them mine!

    Wait, so either the Jeep has actual wounds, or the humans are physically inside of an actual dinosaur.

    I am not sure which would be more terrifying.

  18. Herr Wozzeck says:

    *headdesk*

    Oh lovely. I just read the review section. Not realizing that no anonymous reviewer would ever actually read the reviews to see if the author replied to stuff there, she said this:

    In reference to the Guest who wrote the previous reviews. I wasn’t quite so mature as I was when I wrote this, and had no knowledge of what happened to Nublar after the incident. I’d only watched the movies and the game wasn’t out yet. I wasn’t even aware there were books. The Nublar bombing will now be worked into the revision of my sequel story.

    Missed the relevant part? Let me zoom in:

    I wasn’t even aware there were books.

    *headdesk* *headdesk* *headdesk*

    • She … Didn’t …

      :headdesk:

      I weep for the children of the world.

    • TacoMagic says:

      Welp, I guess my evening will now be spent drinking heavily.

    • To be fair, I only learned of the books after the movie. Still haven’t actually gotten around to reading them, but I will.

      • TacoMagic says:

        I’m not sure that’s entirely fair. See, you probably would have researched your topic a little better before writing a fic centered on the canon. However, the author flat-out just told us that she didn’t do any research on the canon of Jurassic Park since it came as a surprise to her after writing the entire first fic (and starting the sequel) that there were books. A cursory glance at both the wikipedia entry and the wiki devoted to the series as a whole show mentions of the book(s). The second sentence of the wikipedia entry mentions the first book, and there is a link to an entire section related to the books on the Wiki homepage. Additionally, the primary Wiki page for the first movie mentions the book within the first sentence. Timing isn’t a viable excuse either as the Wiki existed 5 years prior to the fic being written and the Wikipedia page dates back another 5 years before that.

        She obviously did some research on the dinosaurs themselves since a fair amount of the stuff she brings up about them is at least superficially accurate, but that looks to be about as far as the research goes. Just about everything else she tries to bring up is wrong. On many levels.

        This really isn’t surprising since, again, she didn’t know about the books to a series of films she professes to absolutely love in her profile.

      • At least the author doesn’t adopt the “I’m right and everyone else is wrong!” mentality that we see far too often.

        • TacoMagic says:

          True enough.

          She doesn’t exactly give much confidence that she’ll work harder on her writing, at best she hand-waves the mistake and says she’ll fix it going forward. But that doesn’t really fill me with any confidence that she’ll be doing more/better research. Still, better than pulling an EP and screaming that the world is wrong.

          I’ll cover that in a bit more depth when I finally get around to dealing with the chapter-like sequel… thing she has posted.

      • Herr Wozzeck says:

        Yeah, but not knowing about the books while writing the fic? Yeah, dude…


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