896: From Another World – Chapter 38 Part 1

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Chapter 38
Critiqued by Erttheking

E: Hey guys how’s it going? Nora and Cornelia are a bit…

C: Nora smack him with something heavy!

N: I came in like a WRECKING BALL!

S: GAH!

E: Busy. Yeah let’s go with that. Busy. Well, EP discontinued From Another World, so now I’m going to finish this fucker off once and for all. But first, something I need to say. All of you have seen Herr’s open letter to EP and what he has done, but EP sent me several private messages, privates messages that I, frankly, feel the need to response to openly, since responding to them privately become a non-option when EP blocked me. Here is the PM

k let me clear a few things up fist FAW was my fist fanfic so it’s bound to be bad an i’m serously concidering rewite.

E: Then you shouldn’t have had any problems with all of our criticism. My first stories were bad too. I didn’t throw a fit every time someone told me so. Nowadays I kind of roll my eyes and go “Yeah I KNOW it sucks,” but I keep it to myself.

now onto herr, IF HE DIDN’T DO THAT STUPIT LETTER THEN I WOULDN’T CALL HIM A TROLL! it’s as simple as that!

E: And if you didn’t have all the sexism in your story, Herr and I wouldn’t have said every cuss word we did about you. Also I don’t think you know what a troll is, because Herr isn’t one. At all. Like, not ever close.

in fact your friend did give me some feedback but in a NEGATIVE WAY.

E: Yeah Herr can go a little overboard at times, but considering the way that you completely ignore any criticism, no matter what the tone is, Herr could’ve been a gentle maiden and you still would’ve ignored him, so frankly I can’t blame him for being fed up with you.

now when i read the letter i din’t find anything that would surpport the idea that he would like the rewite

E: You know what? Because YOU are writing it. And you have done nothing to prove that you have learned a goddamn thing.

and i did read his fic and found it boring.

E: 1. Not relevant. 2. I never got past the first chapter and it was a thousand more times interesting than anything you ever did. At least Mass Vexations taught me that there are eight hour piano songs.

now i know you too are friends but doing this just makes me lose respect for the both of you.

E: You know, I’m not gonna lie, when I read that line I laughed out loud. Hard. EP. Having respect for me. Oh that’s a good one. You see, back in the day when my patience for EP hadn’t worn out, I offered to be his beta. He sent me the draft for the invasion of Earth chapter, and I pointed out 5 or 6 things that were wrong with it, pretty big and glaring problems. He then proceeded to give bullshit reasons why none of them really counted. I got frustrated and told him that I wasn’t there just to have him say no to everything. So he told me to make whatever changes I wanted. He wanted me to write his story for him…having respect for me…HA!

I DO HAVE A LIFE YOU KNOW and that can facor in my writing but it seems that you don’t know that! and if you did you would think about it before doing things like this.

E: I go to college, work 20 hours a week, and still managed to write a 600,000 word story. I don’t want to fucking hear it.

yest i know the fic is artous and so on. now i know i use this care but let me make something clear i live in a house full of women with no dad. how i got this sexist writing i have no bloody clue.

E: Snarky asshole response. Yeah, kind of a mystery isn’t it? On a less snarky note, I don’t care. I don’t care if some of your best friends are Jewish, if you write an anti-Semitic story, your IRL friends and family don’t cancel out your toxic mindsets.

ho and if i need to ask for help don’t worry i won’t ask you cos as far as i’m concerned you woun’d change anything just becuase i said you could. if that’s not helping i don’t know what is.

E: I wouldn’t because I AM NOT GOING TO DO YOUR FUCKING JOB FOR YOU! If you’re too lazy to write your story yourself then I don’t know why you insist continuing to write. Get the fuck over yourself EP. I have never seen anyone so bull headed in insisting that he wants help with his writing yet fighting people who try to help him every step of the way. I wanted to help you and I tried, I really tried, but I couldn’t get anywhere. So fuck it, do whatever the fuck you want. So let’s get on with this turd waffle.

S: *Gets head smashed through wall* Oh are you still on about *Gets head pulled back through.

C: *Pokes head through hole* Between the two of us and our rings we’re wearing him down. You just stay here and don’t use your ring unless he gets out of control.

E: But-

C: No buts Ert! The red ring is last resort only. For Manus it’s one thing. Stupard is nowhere near his level. So just let us take care of him.

N: CORNELIA! GOT HIM IN A LOCK!

C: We’ll be back in a few minutes! *Withdraws head*

E: Erm…moving on. Way WAY back when we left off with the aftermath of Lair of the Shadowbroker. Now it’s time for Arrival. Just gonna get it right out here, never got around to playing it. Still I think it’ll be safe to assume half of the dialogue is ripped right from the game and when it’s not it’s from Parallel Realities.

Chapter 38: Arrival

Several days have passed since the assault on the Shadow Broker’s base. The repairs on the ship’s hull were nearing completion. Shepard was meditating in his room. The week was long and Chakwas ordered for him to get some rest. He enjoyed meditating, it reminded him of the peaceful mindset of Tiberians. As he meditated he thought of how the Galaxy would react to the fact his people are warriors.

E: Well there are already two races whose entire culture revolves around the armed forces and just about every other major race out there is heavily militarized so…odds are not as bad as you think. Also your peaceful mindset? Man. All this time later and “Peaceful warriors” still puts stitches in my sides.

At that moment Kelly came over the comm.

E: OH GOD DAMN IT KELLY DO THAT ON YOUR OWN TIME!

“Incoming message from Admiral Steven Hackett, Alliance HQ. He wants to speak to you.” she said.

“I’ll take it up here,” Shepard told Kelly.

Shepard got up approached his terminal and activated the cabin’s communication screen. The lights turned off and the video transmission of Hackett appeared before him.

“Commander, thank you for your time. I’ll keep this brief. We have a deep-cover operative out in Batarian space. Name’s Doctor Amanda Kenson. Dr. Kenson recently reported that she found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion.”

E: Yeah, more or less Hackett tells Shepard that an Alliance scientist who was doing research into the Reapers and thinks that they’re right around the corner and that she’s been taking prisoner by Batarians because she was messing around with a Mass Relay in their territory and he wants Shepard to bail her out. Ah, this is something I missed in Subject 23. Cutting out massive chunks of the story because it’s copy pasted exposition.

The screen turned blank and the lights and Shepard fell onto his chair. He could feel another headache come on. Hackett was one of the few he could trust and if he needed something done he could just send someone else. But if he called Shepard it was more then likely trouble.

E: Bit of an all over the place paragraph there. But hey, you can’t say it doesn’t fit the story.

Shepard had his squadmates gather in the comm room for a meeting. “I got a transmission from Admiral Hackett,” he started. “deep-cover Alliance operative named Kenson is looking evidence that the Reapers exist. She was on a mission in Batarian space, but was capture by the Hegemony and is being held on Aratoht.”

E: We already established this, do we really need to see it again?

“Was there a specific reason Kenson was arrested?” Garrus asked.

“In the last transmission she sent off, she said that she found a Reaper artefact. And that artefact proves the impending Reaper invasion.”

E:…Uh…artifact was actually spelt this way in the exposition I actually cut out. This isn’t a typo, EP keeps spelling it this way. Hold on *Googles* Ok he’s off the hook. Apparently that’s how the British spell it. The more you know.

“Then it needs to be found,” Miranda declared. “Who are you planing to take with you?”

“I’m going alone.” he said making everyone turn to him with wide eyes.

“Your to break into a Batarian prison and out?” Garrus asked out loud. “That’s insane. You should let some of us come with you.”

“Hackett fears that if the Batarians sees a squad of soldier infiltrating the prison, the Batarians would execute Kenson and cause a political incident with the Batarians.”

E: A single soldier infiltrating it would just cause them to go “Well if there were more of them we would kill her but…nah.”

“That is logical,” Legion stated.

E: Gary Stu oral sex mode initiated.

“How is going alone into a Batarian prison to break someone out, logical?” Tali asked Legion. “This is a high risk mission even with a team.”

E: You can usually count on Tali to bring out a few gems of logic in an idiot plot I’ve come to notice. Before she gets reduced to being a love interest that is.

“Shepard-Commander is correct in his reasoning. This mission requires stealth for highest chance of success.”

“Then take me along,” Kasumi suggested. “I can turn invisible.”

E: Kasumi too! Nice to see you ladies being logical!

“We calculate that one person entering and exiting the facility has the highest rate of success,” Legion stated.

E: We determine this because Shepard-Commander is a Gary Stu and he does everything better than everyone.

C: IS HE WRONG!?

E: That doesn’t make it less annoying.

“Kasumi the tech you use is a primitive version of Tiberian camo tech.” Shepard said. “But I have stealth training. I can deal with this alone.”

E: My technology is infinitely better than your technology because I said so!

(My Galaxy is Better Counter: 7)

E: Man these counters are dusty.

“This increases chances of success by…,” Legion was bout to say but Shepard interrupted.

“Legion never tell me the odds. I want everyone here on standby in case I am captured. Everyone clear on that?”

E: DO NOT RIP OFF HAN SOLOS LINES YOU DOUCHE! YOU ARE NOT THAT COOL! OR SEXY!

Everyone at the table nodded.

“Be safe, John,” Ash said wrapping her fingers around John’s.

E: Well now we move onto the mission, which-

S: *Gets thrown through the wall, ring missing* Guh. I’ll…kill you all. I’ll protect the galaxy from you.

N: *Steps through hole with Cornelia, Orange ring in hand* Seriously Ert. This ring. In the sun.

E: Yeah, we may have to at this point. Is he gonna be out of commission for awhile?

C: Oh yeah, he’s just gonna be on the ground drooling. Don’t worry, his bullshit Gary Stu healing powers won’t let him die. Well, you free to review?

N: Yeah, I’m just gonna keep an eye on him just to be safe. So, mission to rescue scientist starts now?

E: Yup

C: Ok. So he goes in, finds a Varren pit and jumps over it.

Shepard jumped over the gap and used delta energy to soften the sound as he landed on the other side. He did this quiet as to not awaken the nearby Varren.

N: Oh, ok. Delta Energy is apparently a noise muffler. I imagine it can also bake cakes.

Shepard moved forward up some stairs and saw a Varren run by. He went down the corridor and shut off a security panel. To his right he saw a Varren resting in the direction he needed to go. Shepard stealthily approached the Varren held its mouth tightly and stabbed it killing it. No one was coming down here any time soon.

C: We had to know that no one was coming down here anytime soon because that’s very heavily related to Varren stabbing.

N: He moves forward after hearing the doctor being taken to be questioned before hearing some guards talking about what she was doing.

“They want to slam an asteroid into the mass relay.”

“Can they even do that?”

“What difference does it make? We caught them.”

‘Slam an asteroid into a relay?’ Shepard thought. ‘That could take out a star system.’

E: Yeah, if a Mass Relay explodes, the resulting explosion is equivalent to a supernova. Basically everything in that system is going bye-bye. Why are they trying to blow up a Relay? We’ll get to that by the chapter’s end.

C: Shepard overhears the guards talking about how they hate Humans and John shows how not racist he is by assuming that they’re slavers just because they’re Batarians before hearing about a shuttle he could use to escape and moving on. There’s some more sneaking around before he finally reaches the room where Kenson is being held.

Shepard shut off the video feed from the interrogation room and moved around to the room’s entrance. He entered inside and saw the Batarian was preparing to start the torture.

“Pst!” Shepard hissed at him.

The Batarian looked only to be stabbed in the face with a blade. He fell to the ground limp.

“Who are you?” Kenson asked weakly. “What are you doing?”

“Doctor Kenson? I’m Commander Shepard. I’m here to get you out.” He worked on releasing the restraints that held Kenson in place.

N: No similarities at all.

“Commander Shepard? I heard you were alive. Hackett must have received my message.”

“We’re not safe here. Can you walk?”

The restraints released and Kenson sluggishly got to her feet. “I’m fine. Just give me a moment.”

“We have to go. Now!”

“If we can find a console, I can hack security… make us an escape path.”

Just then the alarm went off.

“I already have an escape plan in place. I have a program which will hack a security console immediately. But we need to go now.”

E: I see everyone is still buying that Shepard keeps a copy of Bullshit.exe handy wherever he goes.

Kenson picked up the pistol from the Batarian’s body. “Ready.”

Shepard took the Batarian guard by surprise and decapitated him with his blade. Shepard and Kenson went down the stairs.

“This is a cell block,” she said. “There should be a security console here somewhere.”

They went through some doors and ran into several Batarians. Kenson fired off an incineration blast to burn one of them to death. Shepard used a concussive shot blasting two off into the elevator shaft. Shepard then moved as fast as he could pistol in hand and sot at the two Batarian soldiers point blank, eliminating the last of the resistance. In the corner of his eye he saw a console.

C: You know this is a problem that is going to be popping up a lot more as we get deeper and deeper into the story. Action scenes that go on and on and on and FUCKING ON! It wouldn’t be so much of a problem if it wasn’t for a combination of how overpowered Stupard is, how boring the action is, and how every single word of dialogue is either stolen or soulless.

“Found the security console,” Shepard announced to Kenson.

Kenson ran up to it and looked at it’s info before cursing.

“The damn console too encrypted I cannot hack it.” Kenson said.

“Can you do anything?”

“Maybe give me some cover.”

Shepard moved outside the the office and took a position that covered all the places where the Batarians may come from. Just as one of the doors opened Tikus came on.

“Shepard I maybe able to help Kenson.” he said over the comm.

N: The puny mortal got her turn to have fun. Now it’s time for me to play god!

“Do what you can.” Shepard ordered as a round hit near him.

Tikus then began to hack into the systems remotely and find where Kenson was. He found her in no time and began to help her out by removing blocks and off sight blocks. As Kenson hacked Shepard was busy taking on the Batarians as they poured out of the doors and came up the lifts. Ammo running short for his rifle he switched to his pistol and took careful shots at them mixed with his biotics.

E: Ok, I’m officially completely fucking lost. Blocks and off sight blocks? What the shit is going on in there and who is doing what? And when did all of these Batarians come into the equation? And just to top it all off we’re getting summarized fight scenes. Why see fight scenes when you can just have the cliff notes of it? I mean it’s not like writing means you have to TRY or anything.

After a few minutes of fighting the doors locked and Kenson came out.

“I’ve down alarms,” she said . “Orbital tracking network is down. The Hegemony have crap security. Opening hangar bay. Doors locking down to preventing anyone from attacking. And… Bringing down the elevator so we can get to the Hangar.”

“CRAP ? More like pathetic.” Tikus said over the comm. “Also the Security footage and audio has been deleted, so evidence your presence here has been erased. But that’s not going to stop the Batarians from deciding that the Alliance is behind this infiltration. They have written evidence and foot marks.”

C: Ah, here’s something we haven’t seen in awhile. “Showing off how awesome the Union and it’s technology is, but refusing to change the main events of the plot at all because we want to regurgitate it.” It’s amazing how something can be stupidly overpowered yet irritatingly ineffective at times. I swear, the Library could write a dictionary on the things that we’ve discovered in our readings.

“Good that will at least give us some breathing room when the shit hit’s the fan.” Shepard said in private.

E: Too bad things won’t really deviate from the plot that much because we still need to follow the stations of the plot.

The main elevator came down and connected to their level. Shepard and Kenson got onto the elevator. The Batarians on the level below couldn’t do anything beyond shooting at them wildly.

“Get to the Hangar bay!” one of the guards announced on the speaker. “Don’t let them escape!”

“Oh, one last thing,” Kenson mentioned. “The Hangar doors are hard-locked. We’ll have to get those open the old-fashioned way.”

“Leave that to me,” Shepard said.

N: Is there anything in this story that doesn’t get left to you? But yeah, they make a big escape and a lot of Batarians die.

“Engaging auto-pilot,” Kenson said as she released the ship’s controls. “We should be well out of range before they get their security measures unscrambled.”

“Do you think they’ll come after you?” Shepard asked.

“I’m not taking any chances. Batarians don’t take kindly to Humans who plan to destroy their mass relays.”

“So the charges against you are true.”

“Well. To be fair, that’s about half the story. My people and I were here investigating rumours of Reaper technology out in the fringes of this system.”

“I guess you found something.”

“We found proof that the Reapers will be arriving in this system. When they get here, they’ll use its mass relay to travel throughout the galaxy. We call it the ‘Alpha Relay.’ From here, the Reapers can invade anywhere in the galaxy.” Kenson pointed to the relay outside the viewport.

E: And this has a bit of a problem with the writing in the original games as a whole. The Alpha Relay just kind of reeks of “Making shit up as we go along.” Were you take an established idea and concept and add onto it with half baked ideas that really just make you scratch your head in confusion. Like midichlorians

“So you decided to destroy it.”

“Exactly. Doing that would stop the Reapers’ invasion. Even at FTL speeds, it’d be months or years before they got to the next relay. We came up with what we just called ‘the Project’: a plan to launch a nearby asteroid into the relay and destroy it before the Reapers could arrive. Of course, the resulting explosion would probably wipe out the system.”

“I still don’t see how you learned about this supposed invasion.”

N: Noticing how he doesn’t seem to be all that concerned about the fact that their solution involves blowing up several planets. I always knew that this guy was a sociopath.

Shepard and Kenson sat down across from each other.

“The evidence came from what we call Object Rho, a Reaper artefact we discovered among the asteroids near the relay itself. When we get back to Arcturus Station, I’ll explain everything and provide copies of all our notes on the artefact.”

“What’s a Reaper artefact doing on an asteroid?”

“We don’t know, or even what its purpose is. Some things are just too old or large to comprehend. Even a Reaper thousands of years dead contains power. Their artefact are worthy of study, regardless of their purpose.”

“How exactly does a Reaper artefact give you proof of an impending invasion?”

“It should me visions of the Reaper’s arrival… much like your Prothean beacon, I imagine. The Reapers are coming, Commander. That much I know for certain.”

“Jol’an something’s really wrong about what she is saying,” Tikus said over the comm. “How is it she hasn’t been indoctrinated?”

C: Not really. What she’s saying isn’t that different from what Shepard says pretty much all the time. “I saw a vision because of magical bullshit, the Reapers are coming, you need to trust me on this one.” Sounds a little insane when someone expects you to buy bullshit claims based off of fairy wishes huh?

“If you’re working near a Reaper artefact, how have you avoided indoctrination?”

“We’ve been very careful. We know what we’re dealing with. You’re not speaking to a child, Shepard. I saw what Sovereign did at the Citadel. Trust me… I know what’s at stake.”

N: That’s like saying that you avoided being exposed to radiation at a nuclear plant by being very careful. We’re gonna need some specifics if we’re going to seriously buy that she’s not indoctrinated (SPOILER ALERT: She really is!) But Shepard’s not stupid enough to let such a half assed explanation slip by right?

“The stakes are too high. If you were willing to destroy a whole system over this, I want to see your proof.”

E: *Looks down* Not much going on in-between the brains huh?

S: Fuck you.

C: We get a basic rundown of The Project, no doubt named when someone just wanted to end the work day and go to bed

“One sec,” Kenson said while using her omni-tool. “Let me get the door.”

The door opened. The artefact was enormous. It looked similar to a blooming flower. The device glowed. Kenson and Shepard approached the artefact. As soon as he saw it Shepard felt sick to his stomach and fear gripped him in a madding squeeze.

“Commander Shepard, I give you Object Rho.”

“You have the Reaper artefact just sitting here… out in the open.”

N: This is something that clearly he was already concerned about not that long ago but he completely forgot about because the plot demanded that he be stupid enough to fall for this trap. It’s amazing how a character can be so smart he can practically see the future and yet too stupid to do anything about it.

“When we found it, it showed me a vision of the Reaper’s arrival.”

“Kenson, this is not good.”

“Give it a moment, Shepard. It’ll give you the proof you need.”

Barely five seconds passed before the artefact gave off a burst of energy. A brief, but intense, image flashed through Shepard’s mind. It showed the Reaper fleet approaching the Alpha Relay. Once the vision ended, Shepard fell to his knees. He looked up to see Kenson pointing a gun at his head.

“I can’t let you start the Project, Shepard,” she said. “I can’t let you stop the arrival.”

C: You’re a major ass disappointment Shepard. Seriously, did it not occur to you that everything here was setting off major red lights? I thought you were supposed to be a genius or something. Or did that change?

Kenson looked to the soldiers who entered the room. As soon as she did, Shepard attacked her, disarming her. Shepard took cover from the AR fire from one of the soldiers.

“Take him down!” Kenson ordered before leaving the room.

E: CHRIST the prose in this story is so goddamn bare bones. It feels more like stage directions than anything else, because Kenson apparently can teleport all the way across a room and we’re supposed to just imagine how Shepard disarmed her. It feels what you see while reading Shakespeare, without the hope for something as hilarious as “Exit pursued by a Bear.”

Shepard fired two cuncusstion rounds to kill the soldiers that were firing at him. He ran to a corner of the room to get better cover from the reinforcements that were entering the room. Shepard fought with everything he had against the waves of soldiers. All the while, Kenson and Harbinger, communicating through Object Rho, taunted him and demanded that he surrender. He maybe powerful but the waves they where throwing at him where really testing his limits.

N: Wait, what? Harbinger is here now? The leader of the Reapers is talking and we don’t even get to hear what he’s saying? We just get told “Yeah he’s over there in the corner, he’s saying some things.” EP, what is the fucking point of this story? Because really all I can think of is masturbation material. Figurative in how awesome Shepard is, and literal in how everyone obsess over Shepard.

As he fought he noticed something wrong with the people he was fighting. They seemed stronger and rarely said anything. Almost like a hive mind.

C: They totally seemed stronger because of things that aren’t going to get brought up. Trust us.

” Jol’an Keep trying to hold out. I’m trying to communicate with the Normandy, but they’ve jammed the transmitter on this base.” Tikus said.

E: Plot has determined that whatever the fuck Shepard’s A.I. buddy is called cannot reach the Normandy because plot demands that Shepard get captured.

The sound of a YMIR mech came into the room.

“Fuck my luck.” John yelled in annoyance but Tikus seemed to like this however.

“I can finally help,” the Exocron said.

Blue electricity jumped from Shepard’s omni-tool and went right into the YMIR mech. The mech turned and opened fire on the soldiers. That gave Shepard some breathing room but not a lot as more soldiers poured in and began firing on Tikus. The commander fired at the soldiers to give his friend some cover.

N: You’re providing cover to the giant gattling gun spraying and missile launching mech? Somewhere down the line, Shepard’s priorities got royally fucked. Does he order bayonet charges to draw attention away from tanks too?

“The mech has turned on us!” one of the soldiers yelled.

“Shepard is a master hacker,” Kenson said. “He’s likely the one controlling it. Just hold on, it won’t be much longer.”

“That does not sound good.” Tikus out loud over the private comm.

“YOU SHALL BE THE FIRST TO WITNESS OUR ARRIVAL.”

Energy burst from the artefact. The energy wave hit Shepard with an even more intense vision than before. Shepard was knocked out.

“Jol’an?” Tikus called out over the comm before turning and seeing the commander on the floor. “Shepard!”

C: This happened. Then this happened. Then this happened. Then this happened. That’s what it feels like to read this story. There’s no gorram flow to it. This happened, then this, then this. If it’s a good day it doesn’t completely come out of the blue, but if it’s not, we’re fucked.

Tikus then saw several soldiers enter the room. He shut the mech down to avoid detection.

E: Hey that mech was going kill crazy and slaughtering us thirty seconds ago, should one of us take a look at it?

N: Nah.

He saw the soldiers walk by along with Kenson towards Shepard’s body. Tikus watched to see what they were going to do.

Shepard was briefly conscious to see Kenson bending over him. Her eyes glowed yellow just like the Harbinger possessed Collectors and the voice was like Harbinger’s.

“Take him to the med bay and patch him up,” she ordered her troops. “We want Shepard alive.”

Shepard faded back into unconsciousness.

Tikus watched as the soldiers picked up Shepard’s body and carried him out of the room. He had to find a way to help Shepard escape. As soon as the soldiers left the room, he reactivated the mech and moved towards a console. He couldn’t risk going after the soldiers as the mech. They could kill Shepard.

C: Tikus was apparently dropped on his head at the first day of A.I pre-school considering that he is afraid that they will kill Shepard RIGHT AFTER IT WAS STATED THAT THEY WANT HIM ALIVE! Be honest with us EP, say “Shepard didn’t wake up until a certain point in the plot and we haven’t gotten there yet.”

Tikus hopped from the mech into the console and the base’s systems. Only thought in his head, ‘Okay, now let’s see what we have here.’

E: Nothing of importance. Even if the story says that it is, it’s lying too us.

Ash sat at John’s desk reading through her email’s she had got from Abbey and Sarah about the proposal. Abbey was both pissed and happy for her that she was marring a prince.

N: Because women.

Sarah however was saying how it was like a fantasy love story. But in all Ash never cared about the prince part. She just fell in love with the man.

C: Of course you didn’t. You don’t care about that at all and this relationship totally isn’t built on vanity.

It was just him, how considerate he was, the honour his personality… just him not the fact that he was royalty.

E: Who you trying to convince, me or you?

As she read through Sarah’s message another one popped up. She finished Sarah’s message and clicked on the new one but what surprised her was the sender.

“Mom.” she muttered as she red the message.

Dear Ashley.

Abbey has just told me your engaged to Johnny. Honey I cannot say that I am surprised about this. Even when you played pranks on each other

N: And by each other she means John played pranks on Ash, because this is the first time I’ve heard anyone claim that Ash did it to John. So I assume that she’s lying. This story does that a lot.

you still spent a lot of your time together.

C: You man and woman and you spend time together. YOU MUST FUCK!

Then after that day both of you became closer like it was meant to happen. I don’t know what is guiding you together but I know from experience that both you and Johnny will have a fine family life together.

I wish you the best for the planning.

Love mom.

P.S. Since you father is no longer here please tell John that if he hurts you in any way I’ll rip his head off.

E: Have a happy life but I’ll kill him if he hurts you! Not like this is dripping in twelve different kinds of cliches or anything.

Ash just sniggered at that last bit. But just then her head felt light too light and fell. She still awake and called out.

“EDI get Chakwas.” she said before passing out.

Within a matter of moments the Doctor arrived and looked over the unconscious soldier and moved over her fast. As she began her examinations she found nothing wrong with her. But just as she was about to pick up the soldier but Ash woke up.

“Ashley you ok?”

“John’s in trouble.”

N: My magical fainting tells me that it is so. We need to save him! But don’t go too fast! We need to let the plot happen!

C: And that is where we need to stop.

E: Yeah sorry, things have been piling up around here so I could only afford to go this far. We’ll get the rest of the chapter next week. In the meantime we need to take care of Stupard here. See you next time!

Advertisements

119 Comments on “896: From Another World – Chapter 38 Part 1”

  1. Herr Wozzeck says:

    At least Mass Vexations taught me that there are eight hour piano songs.

    The fun part? It’s all contained in half a page.

  2. Herr Wozzeck says:

    On a less snarky note, I don’t care. I don’t care if some of your best friends are Jewish, if you write an anti-Semitic story, your IRL friends and family don’t cancel out your toxic mindsets.

    Not to mention that it’s yet another excuse that he’s doling out to avoid doing anything to fix the problem. This is the point at which anyone who still thinks EP wants criticism should realize “wait a minute”…

  3. SC says:

    I didn’t just see that title.

    Somebody pinch me, this must be a nightmare.

  4. Herr Wozzeck says:

    So fuck it, do whatever the fuck you want.

    Well, here’s one thing he did:

    http://eclipsepheonix.deviantart.com/art/Open-letter-to-Herr-Wozzeck-487810510

    And here’s my less than amused reply that also replies to the PM Ert replied to here:

    http://herr-wozzeck.deviantart.com/journal/Another-Open-Letter-to-EclipsePheniox-488319154

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      And just to top it all off we’re getting summarized fight scenes. Why see fight scenes when you can just have the cliff notes of it? I mean it’s not like writing means you have to TRY or anything.

      Which is one of the reasons I said this in my second open letter:

      It’s just hilarious that it’s coming from the thief who apparently needs to steal, or else he’s guilty of being really boring–well, when he’s not busy being completely offensive, anyway.

    • leobracer says:

      You know what? To say that EP is beyond salvation would be an insult to Beyond Salvation.

      He’s gone and sunk below that. Below crush depth I dare say.

      • Herr Wozzeck says:

        Oh, trust me, there’s also the fact that he’s now a total hypocrite, too. How do I know this?

        Oh, you’ll see. You’ll see…

      • leobracer says:

        Oh joy. This ought to be fun.

        *Loads up the Thunderlord*

        Ghost: Uh shouldn’t we call in reinforcements?

        No, I’d rather not get more Guardians involved in this. I think one will be enough.

    • The Crowbar says:

      …Wait… Did he actually admit to plagiarizing the story, but still calls you “troll” with Capital letters?!

      What the fuck, man?!

      Good God, I wanna see the essays he writes for school!

    • erttheking says:

      I love how the only comment focuses on a typo

  5. SC says:

    N: I came in like a WRECKING BALL!

    Here, let me help you with that:

  6. Herr Wozzeck says:

    This isn’t a typo, EP keeps spelling it this way. Hold on *Googles* Ok he’s off the hook. Apparently that’s how the British spell it. The more you know.

    *shakes head*

    Oh Ert. Just wait until you get past the point that EP stole stuff. All I can say there is that once you go there, welcome to typo hell…

  7. Herr Wozzeck says:

    E: Man these counters are dusty.

    Well, we aren’t known to maintain old counters, you know? You were really lucky your counters had been untouched, you know. In most other cases, we would’ve stripped them down for parts to use in the new buzzers.

  8. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Delta Energy is apparently a noise muffler. I imagine it can also bake cakes.

    Well, Delta Energy is a plot coupon, so there you go.

  9. Herr Wozzeck says:

    E: I see everyone is still buying that Shepard keeps a copy of Bullshit.exe handy wherever he goes.

    They bought it in Parallel Realities, too, so that’s just more theft in action.

  10. Herr Wozzeck says:

    N: Is there anything in this story that doesn’t get left to you?

    Well, to be fair, Shepard had to take care of it himself in-game, too. But that said… yeah. Point still stands.

  11. leobracer says:

    *A hole is blasted out of the wall, the Battle Armor walks through it, it then opens up, revealing Leobracer wearing a strange outfit.*

    Leobracer’s Ghost: *Flies up to Leobracer* About time. Where have you been? Its been nearly a week since anyone last saw you. And what’s with the outfit?

    Its radiation proof clothing that’s what it is. Last week was the third time I nuked myself, and they warned me that if I got exposed to more radiation, it would mess up my genectics to the point where it will mess up the respawn points. So anyway, what’s on today’s agenda?

    *Looks at the fanfic*

    So we’re back to riffing this uh? Great. This should be good.

    And that PM the beginning of the riff? Yeah, that pretty much establishes EP as being beyond all hope of Salvation.

  12. SC says:

    I never got past the first chapter and it was a thousand more times interesting than anything you ever did.

    Hate to admit it, Herr, but I didn’t get past chapter one either. Not because it was bad, mind, I just wasn’t quite able to follow along.

    Although, I was very intrigued by all the in-jokes in the comments for the fic.

  13. Herr Wozzeck says:

    E: And this has a bit of a problem with the writing in the original games as a whole. The Alpha Relay just kind of reeks of “Making shit up as we go along.” Were you take an established idea and concept and add onto it with half baked ideas that really just make you scratch your head in confusion. Like midichlorians

    As Colonel DeFraug says: blame Mac Walters for that one. Mac is a good character writer, but he can’t write a plot worth shit. It doesn’t help that he took over Drew Karpyshyn’s job of head writer for the series once ME3 came around. So yeah…

    • SC says:

      The goofy writing in Mass Effect is kind of why I could never follow the story worth anything beyond the basics.

    • The Crowbar says:

      Huh…

      Wouldn’t it be sort of stupid to switch the writer in the middle of making the series?

    • erttheking says:

      I don’t suppose that just saying “This is the closest Mass Relay to the edge of the galaxy and the Reapers will be able to use it to get to inhabited space and we need to stop them,” could’ve worked? Seriously, what was wrong with that?

      • Colonel deFraug says:

        Oddly enough, I actually don’t have too many problems with the Alpha Relay. It’s actually a good example of the Reapers failure-proofing their plans.

        Consider that the optimal Reaper strategy is for the Reapers to seize the Citadel, which acts as the central control for the relay network, allowing them to trap their victims in small groups, allowing them to defeat them in detail, while also maintaining a massive edge in strategic mobility over even a group able to locally override the lockdown on relays. This is after serving up a big old decapitating strike, as well. They made their primary strategic objective also their primary ingress point, because they can cheat like that, and because fair fights are for suckers.

        But in an edge case (which Mass Effect represents), they might not be able to ingress through the Citadel. Very well, the victims may be alerted, but they can’t strike back, because the victims don’t have a location to strike back AT. Now, the Reapers move to a contingency plan. They can’t enter through the Citadel, but they modify a relay near their resting place in dark space (relatively near, mind, still really goddamn far away) so that it will allow them to jump to any relay in the network, including the Citadel. They’ll have to travel non-relay FTL to get there, but that’s okay, because they’re not range-limited like the victims, so they’re safe in their hidey-hole. (Reapers do not suffer static build-up like the conventional ships.) Sure, it’ll take more time, but the victims probably think they’ve averted the disaster forever, or at least for generations down the line. Instead, the Reapers reach the Alpha Relay and jump straight to the Citadel, and the plan works like before.

        Hell, Mass Effect is a double edge case, since the Reapers weren’t able to do that either. Instead they had to rely on non-relay FTL to get to the next relay, and were then bound to the relay network. This allowed the war to have an advancing front, and for the races of the galaxy to maneuver against the Reapers. Once they captured the Citadel, they probably only let the combined fleets into Sol to go ahead and crush them outright. And it very nearly worked, despite the Reapers getting their biggest strategic advantage taken away. (Note this is EXACTLY what happens in a refuse ending, so it’s not as stupid as it sounds. If the Catalyst hadn’t been playing a slightly different game with the whole Crucible bullshit, it would have worked.)

  14. Herr Wozzeck says:

    E: *Looks down* Not much going on in-between the brains huh?

    S: Fuck you.

    Hey, to be fair, the canon Shepard said pretty much the same thing. In fact, I think that line might’ve been ripped out of the games. So at least it was just EP copying Bioware’s stupid over.

  15. SC says:

    DO NOT RIP OFF HAN SOLOS LINES YOU DOUCHE! YOU ARE NOT THAT COOL! OR SEXY!

    Or that impressive a shot.

  16. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Shepard fired two cuncusstion rounds to kill the soldiers that were firing at him. He ran to a corner of the room to get better cover from the reinforcements that were entering the room. Shepard fought with everything he had against the waves of soldiers. All the while, Kenson and Harbinger, communicating through Object Rho, taunted him and demanded that he surrender. He maybe powerful but the waves they where throwing at him where really testing his limits.

    *headdesk*

    Good Jesus, even Parallel Realities tried harder than this!

    • SC says:

      I try harder than this, and I don’t even like writing combat scenes because I honestly can’t do it very well if I need to go into detail.

  17. SC says:

    Jol’an

    GAH, I forgot his name was so fucking STUPID!

  18. Herr Wozzeck says:

    We need to save him! But don’t go too fast! We need to let the plot happen!

    You know, when I got to Arrival in MV3, I actually did try to do a lot different with it. I actually had a lot more dealings on the colony itself, and I actually played it very differently within the context of the larger plot, too. Long story short: let’s just say that when I went to Arrival, I played it as the Reapers outmaneuvering everyone so that attention was concentrated on so many different things, and that Aratoht was a distraction.

  19. SC says:

    It’s amazing how something can be stupidly overpowered yet irritatingly ineffective at times.

    *SC glares at Sports Shades*

    Sports Shades: I’m not ineffective, I just don’t give a shit.

  20. Herr could’ve been a gentle maiden

    Bifocals! I just had this really great idea for a respawn point!

  21. SC says:

    Shepard took the Batarian guard by surprise and decapitated him with his blade.

    Specs: Actually, that was probably me. The Professional Goon Squad was… Totally behaving themselves and not causing a series of terrible events to happen.

    …WHAT DID YOU DO.

  22. SC says:

    The screen turned blank and the lights and Shepard fell onto his chair.

    Dude, those lighting systems were expensive, you oughta get that fixed.

  23. SC says:

    Ammo running short for his rifle he switched to his pistol and took careful shots at them mixed with his biotics.

    Ah, so this Shepard started his new game+ with Jack’s biotic ammo power, I take it.

    Me, I always chose Miranda’s Slam power. It’s just so handy when dealing with pesky flying Geth-drones.

  24. SC says:

    “YOU SHALL BE THE FIRST TO WITNESS OUR ARRIVAL.”

  25. yest i know the fic is artous and so on.

    Huh? Need English translation, please and thank you.

    now i know i use this care but let me make something clear i live in a house full of women with no dad. how i got this sexist writing i have no bloody clue.

    :headdesk:

    Living with a woman, or several women, does not grant some special status. I have known plenty of sexist assholes, some of who were real bastards, who had wives and daughters. It’s quality, not quantity, that matters.

    • Herr Wozzeck says:

      I think he was trying to say “atrocious” on the first one. This PM he sent was on the heels of Ert taking the kiddie gloves off and waylaying on FAW in reviews after EP called me a troll.

      And again, it’s just an excuse.

  26. AdmiralSakai says:

    “Hackett fears that if the Batarians sees a squad of soldier infiltrating the prison, the Batarians would execute Kenson and cause a political incident with the Batarians.”

    The Batarians would cause a political incident with… themselves?

    Or is this like when Snap got possessed by Snap?

  27. SC says:

    “Fuck my luck.” John yelled in annoyance

    Well, he actually didn’t, but details.

    In any event, I think we’re all thinking this right about now.

  28. SC says:

    “CRAP ? More like pathetic.”

    … No, it’s definitely crap. Sorry, buddy.

  29. SC says:

    My technology is infinitely better than your technology because I said so!

    That’s exactly how Bifocals operates.

    Bifocals: At least it is true in my case.

  30. SC says:

    At that moment Kelly came over the comm.

    Ms. Chambers! For the love of God, have some decency, woman! You’re not the only one who uses the comms on this ship, you know!

  31. I swear, the Library could write a dictionary on the things that we’ve discovered in our readings.

    Actually, we have.

    :points to Dictionary of the Damned link at the top of the page:

  32. SC says:

    “Your to break into a Batarian prison and out?” Garrus asked out loud. “That’s insane. You should let some of us come with you.”

    Garrus, I appreciate your voice of reason here, but this is Stupard we’re talking about. At this point, you should KNOW he’ll be perfectly fine.

  33. SC says:

    It was just him,

    *The Professional Goon Squad share amused looks*

    how considerate he was,

    *The Professional Goon Squad struggle to stifle their laughter*

    the honour

    *The Professional Goon Squad fails to stifle their laughter and guffaw openly*

    his personality…

    *The Professional Goon Squad fall on the floor, clutching their aching sides in hysterics*

    just him not the fact that he was royalty.

    Specs: Please, stop! We can’t breathe!

    Contacts: My lungs hurt…

    *Book Specs’ hand shakily reaches for the chair, before dropping back to the floor*

  34. leobracer says:

    Just thought I’d mention this, but I’m almost done with chapter one of my Destiny Self Insert, and I was wondering if anyone would like to Beta it once I finished it.

    I don’t plan on publishing it until I’ve gotten a least a few chapters done.

    • SC says:

      Automatically, I’m off the list, because I’ve never played Destiny.

      • leobracer says:

        While I will admit, Destiny doesn’t have a lot of content in it, I still find it to be a fun game.

        I haven’t been able to put it down since I got it.

        That said, my Destiny Self Insert isn’t going to follow the game’s storyline. Most of it will be taking place in areas that are not in the game. And there will be a few place that my character is going to be visiting that were in the game, but they’re going to be greatly altered, such as the Chanber of Night and the Black Garden.

      • SC says:

        I’ve heard tell that Destiny is kind of like Borderlands, in some regards. How true is that, exactly?

      • leobracer says:

        Uh, hard to say exactly.

        I’ve played both games, but I wouldn’t say they’re totally alike.

      • SC says:

        Well, no, I would hope they’re not totally alike. Then I may as well just play Borderlands, you know?

  35. Delta XIII says:

    *checks title*
    Oh. This story again.
    How…delightful.

    We do still have two metric fucktons of booze, right?

  36. infinity421 says:

    I DO HAVE A LIFE YOU KNOW and that can facor in my writing but it seems that you don’t know that! and if you did you would think about it before doing things like this.

    And? I manage to have a functioning social life while taking my college course. Sure, i can’t write every day, but I manage to have a decent output! To give an example, I have just over 7K words spread into 9 chapters on an interactive item on Writing.com – the same site that I have jsut under 900 chapters on!

    You have no fucking excuse beyond your own laziness, EP!

  37. TacoMagic says:

    “I’ve down alarms,” she said .

    You’ve a word.

  38. TacoMagic says:

    “CRAP ? More like pathetic.” Tikus said over the comm. “Also the Security footage and audio has been deleted, so evidence your presence here has been erased. But that’s not going to stop the Batarians from deciding that the Alliance is behind this infiltration. They have written evidence and foot marks.”

    It really sucks when you have to frame the somebody for a crime they actually did commit.

  39. TacoMagic says:

    It should me visions of the Reaper’s arrival

    Um… it what?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s