895: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee – Chapter X


Title: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee
Author: HopelessRomanticArtist1990
Media: TV Show
Topic:  Samurai Jack
Genre: Adventure/Fantasy
URL: Chapter X
Critiqued by Ghostcat 



Hello, delighted and delightful Patrons! I hope you’re well this fine Black Friday. I have returned with yet another chapter of this dreary mess. What happened last time? Well, let’s see … :reaches for notes: Ummm…Where are my notes?

:rummages through desk drawer, tossing items over shoulder:

Pencil, pencil, squirrel mercenary, eraser, C-4, box of paper clips, dry erase pen, miniature glaive, rubber bands, cuddle buddy, Infinity Stone, partially eaten sandwich, apple … Where the hell are my notes?


:ninja appears:

Shinobi-san, where … Wait, you’re not Shinobi-san.

:ninja bows: “Apologies, Ghostcat-sama, but the honorable liaison is indisposed at the moment.”

Indisposed? What does that mean? Y’all can handle twelve impossible things before breakfast without blinking an eye.

“Dragon-kun located the clan’s strategic tiramisu reserves.”

… Yeah, that’s a problem. I guess you’ll have to do. Do you happen to have my notes from last time?

“Of course.” :hands over notebook:

:reading: Luna cures her hangover with magical medicine and then she goes out to the forest, where Jewel-Sue is skinning-dipping to recharge herself, and then info-dumps on Jack.

I probably should re-word that a bit. Oh, well. To the next chapter!

The scent of irises drifted through the air from the giant circle of lit candles located in the center of The Spirit Shrine.

There’s what in the where?

“Apologies, but is this still the same fic?”

I think so. The previous chapter was in the Black Forest, and now we’ve suddenly been dropped into some sort of shrine.

A young woman with pale peach colored skin, short white hair, and wearing a white bikini levitated in mid-air in the center of the shrine.

:blinks: … Well, that’s new.

“One can assume this is not a common sight in shrines in the Outside World?”

Half-naked women floating in mid-air? No, I don’t think those are standard issue.

“I hope she has some kind of natural protection against fire.”


“She is currently floating in the middle of this space. The candles are burning in the center of the room.”

Oh! Yeah, that could be a problem given how much skin is exposed.

She was the only person inside of the shrine at that moment, and she was currently sitting in a meditation position with her eyes closed.

:yawns: Half-naked women will only hold your audience’s attention for so long, author. Especially in a written medium where we can’t actually see the half-naked woman.

“This young woman must not be very respectful of others’ religions.”

What makes you say that; the semi-nudity, or the floating?

“She is wearing naught but a bathing costume in a holy place. She dishonors herself with such behavior.”

This young lady was Serenity, and just like Luna, she could replenish her spiritual energies by meditating. Which was what she was in the middle of doing at that exact moment.


Sensei, if you could do the honors.


The sign, get out the sign!

“Ah. Apologies.”

:Ishi pulls a sign out of thin air:


:headdesk: No, sensei – the other one.



Yes, that one!  Where did you get that other sign, anyway?

“It was on the door to the saber-toothed cat holding cell beside the Mens’ bathroom.”

You should probably put it back before…

:muffled screams and snarls:

…Just get rid of it. And if anyone asks, Gumdrop ate the sign.

She was doing her daily breathing exercises while meditating. Serenity breathed in through her nose, and exhaled through her mouth slowly. This breathing exercise was continued incessantly throughout the entire time she meditated.

Huh. Maybe I’ve been doing it wrong, but isn’t regulated breathing usually an integral part of meditating?

“In my experience, it is one of the first things one learns – along with sitting quietly and turning one’s focus inward.”

The entire morning, Serenity had used her spiritual powers of light to heal the sick and injured in Arab.

So healing is both a light-based and a water-based ability? I know they’re all special little snowflakes, but divvy up the powers at little bit!


No doubling!

The townspeople of the village relied on her in their time of need. That morning, a colossal amount of people needed Serenity’s healing abilities. Here powers of healing weren’t as strong as Jewel’s, but she was strong enough to help plenty of people.

Of course her abilities aren’t as good as Jewel-Sue’s – heavens forfend that anyone should be better that her at anything! And where was Jewel-Sue and Man-Candy during this healing session? They both have healing abilities.

“Do not forget the mystical tablets provided by Alicia-sensei.”

Right, those Aura things that can cure everything under the sun. If the Magic Alicia Ball dispenses them for a hangover, why not to people who are actually ill?

After assisting the majority of the villagers that morning, Serenity was completely wiped out.

“With such healers and medicines readily available to them, why would so many people have fallen ill?”

They shouldn’t be! No one should be sick in this village – at all. EVER!

Her spiritual energies had been drained down to the last drop,

Which is exactly why she should have shared the load!

and the only way she could replenish her spiritual powers was through meditation.

So the others have alternative methods of refilling themselves, but she always has to go through some lengthy meditation process? What a rip!

“Were I Serenity-san, I would prefer to reserve my power and allow the ill of the village to find other options.”

Ladies and gentlemen, the Library’s selfless staff physician.

She had used the sanctuary of The Spirit Shrine before, and took advantage of what it had to offer.

Like the candles and … floor?

“Can one take advantage of the floor while one is floating in the air?”

Well, there’s nothing else there!

The Spirit Shrine was one of the most sacred buildings in the village,

And she’s still in a bikini, which is in no way ritual garb. Classy.

“Perhaps the candles set her robes a-flame.”

Ever the optimist, aren’t you?

and it was the one place quiet enough for Serenity to meditate peacefully. Just like Luna, Serenity needed to be in a place where it was peaceful and silent.

Actually, Luna requires absolute silence, which is a hard commodity to come by in the world.

“I find noise-cancelling headphones to be an asset around the Library.”

Gumdrop does love his karaoke. I blame whoever in Specs & Co gave him that anime themes greatest hits CD. Those tunes are catchy.

“Apologies, Ghostcat-sama, but I must check on something.”

:Ishi produces a book out of thin air:

“According to this encyclopaedia, the term ‘meditation’ refers to a broad variety of practices that include techniques designed to promote relaxation, including regulated breathing, intense inner focus, and seeking out solitude.”

Sounds about right.

“Then why must the author constantly point out the individual aspects of this practice?”

Hell if I know, this is one of the few times anything in this fic has been described and it is largely unnecessary.

The iris scented candles relaxed her with their intoxicating smell, and ignited heat through her bones.

I don’t think you’re using those candles the right way, dear.

“It appears I was correct; she is going to ignite herself.”

Let’s hope.

Warmth spread throughout her body as she inhaled the scent of irises.

You might be on to something, sensei.

“I will prepare the fire suppression system.”

Coincidentally, irises happened to be Serenity’s favorite flower, and the smell of them was like heaven to her.

Wow, how lucky for her that the candles in this place happen to be her favorite scent! I guess it’s a good thing someone else came in, set up this elaborate display, and then NIPPED OUT FOR LUNCH WHILE SERENITY DOES HER FLOATING THING!!!!

“Have you been taking your medication regularly, Ghostcat-sama?”

I take caffeine regularly, it’s a drug so it is kinda like a medication.

:Ishi sighs:

Having an enormous amount of candles inside of The Spirit Shrine had a magical way of soothing her soul.

And endangering the building’s structural integrity.

Lighting scented candles around her before meditating helped create a relaxing atmosphere.

:groans: Do the candles really rate a full paragraph?

“Apologies, but did Serenity-san light these candles or did she not? I am confused.”

The narration isn’t very clear; it makes it sound like it’s just a random coincidence that her favorite candles were here when she came to meditate, and that she just so happens to find them relaxing. The author’s reliance on passive voice is turning everything into a big pile of vague.

She sensed three people approaching the outside of The Spirit Shrine whom came to pay her a visit.

“Is the ability to sense people part of Serenity-san’s light powers?”

It shouldn’t be, so it probably is. There’s just no rhyme or reason to these characters’ different abilities, they don’t seem to go together at all.

Jack, Jewel and Luna stood outside of the double front doors of The Spirit Shrine, and gazed upon the beauty of the well-constructed building.

:Ishi and Ghostie stare into the Void:


“You should immortalize it with a photograph for your collection, Ghostcat-sama.”

Can’t, Bifocals melted my camera. Again.

Jewel had spoken briefly with Madam Alicia before traveling with Jack and Luna to The Spirit Shrine.

Was the Magic Alicia Ball out in the woods watching Jewel-Sue bathe, too?

“It appears to be a popular pastime.”

And me without a camera. Pity.

Madam Alicia had warned her that Serenity was currently meditating to replenish her spiritual energies.

Which apparently means “please go find her and bother her” in Sue-speak.

“That does appear to be a valid translation, given the events of the previous chapter. You should seek employment with Google-ojisan’s translation department.”

:squints: I can’t decide if I should be insulted by that or not.

However, she told Jewel that it wouldn’t take too long for Serenity to replenish her powers.

:looks at wrist: So she’ll be done by half-past freckle?

“Apologies, but that is not an unit of measurement I am familiar with.”

It isn’t one – just like this fic, it is meaningless. Telling someone that Serenity “wouldn’t take too long” to replenish her energy is useless information without some kind of time reference. Has she been meditating for a few minutes, or a few hours? When did the Magic Alicia Ball give the others this news? Was she counting the unspecified length of time from that moment, or was she factoring in the time it would take them to reach this shrine?  I know clocks are a thing in this world, so why doesn’t anyone have a frickin’ watch?

“You ask many questions, Ghostcat-sama, but I have no answers for you.”

:Ghostie growls:

“I do have chocolate.” :holds out box of assorted chocolates:

This is why you’re my favorite ninja.

“Serenity is inside there. We should wait a little while before we speak to her.


Time! Reference! Need one! NOW!

“Must I sedate you, Ghostcat-sama?”

You got any more of those chocolates?

:Ishi hands over box:

Ooh, caramels!

Don’t want to disturb her while she’s meditating,” Jewel acknowledged, as she, Jack and Luna sat on the stone steps of The Spirit Shrine.

Yeah, that powers-backwash thing Luna was talking about in the previous chapter. I don’t see how it could be that bad, though.

“You know, Ghostcat-sama, when you say things like that you are merely tempting the fic gods to prove you wrong.”

I like to live dangerously. Besides, Luna, Man-Candy, and Jewel-Sue were all recharging themselves by drinking their beverages of choice in a bar with plenty of people around them and interacting with them yet nothing bad happened.

“No kidding. I remember the time I disturbed you while you were meditating in the Black Forest. Boy, did I make a huge mistake.

Who wants to bet that this incident will not be described in any detail?

“I wager a half-pound of aged Parmesan!”

Ugh, that stuff smells like feet. Make it the smoked Gouda and you’re on.

:Ishi hands over cheese:

“Apologies, but are we wagering that it will be described or that it won’t be?”

Who cares? I’ve got smoked Gouda! :looks around desk: Where did I put that apple?

Of course, that was before I knew what could happen if you disturbed a Samurai Sister while she’s replenishing her spiritual energies,” Luna added, sitting down next to Jewel.

Something the audience is still in the dark about, just like Man-Candy’s heroic sacrifice where he [mumblety-mumble] so Jewel-Sue could escape.

“Apologies, but Luna-chan was raised among these Sisters, was she not?”

Presumably she was raised with her biological sister Jade, and according to the narration she’s spent a lot of time with Jewel-Sue while she was teaching Luna every martial art in the world.

“And have the Sisters always had these spiritual abilities?”

Well, Jewel-Sue and Man-Candy were born with their suite of powers because their Mom got freaky with a water spirit, but I can’t be sure about the rest. The early chapters talked about them “possessing” the various spirits, but nothing about how long they’ve had them.

“So Luna-chan has been around at least one Sister who was born with powers since Luna-chan was very young, yet no one thought to warn her against disturbing them when they are recharging their powers?”

:shrugs: Could be no one’s particularly fond of her.

“I vividly remember that moment. Although, I do remember my powers hit you so hard you fainted.”

Okay, I’m confused.

Hai, I am puzzled as well.”

There seems to be something – a big chunk of something – missing from between those two sentences.

“I believe it is called ‘descriptive narration’, Ghostcat-sama.”

:throws a Jordan Almond at Ishi: It’s more than that. That second statement is the kind of thing that usually follows a phrase like “It’s all a blur” or “I can’t remember much, but…”. The two sentences are exact opposites of each other.

“Thank goodness I didn’t wind up with a head injury or any broken bones.”

From fainting? Can that happen, sensei?

“Yes, provided one is of fragile health or is engaged in recklessly foolish or dangerous activities when one faints.”

I’m gonna assume the second.

“Yes, thank goodness for that. By the way, Jack told me about your little drinking episode you had last night at Sushi & Bar.

I guess we’re done discussing that traumatic event that no one really talked about.

“But what are the hazards associated with disturbing one who is recharging their energies?”

:shrugs: Apparently it prevents you from spouting inane exposition to a background character.

Went overboard with the Dark Mist again, didn’t you?” Jewel smirked knowingly.

Oh, shit!

:Ghostie digs a roll of bolt-tape out of a drawer and tosses it to Ishi:

Do you have a location on him?

Hai!” :Ishi tosses the roll to a passing flurry of ninjas: “Taco-san is currently third in line at the coffee dispensary!”

Huh. I guess those tracker nanites do come in handy. Taco’s gonna be pissed to lose his spot, though.

“You told her about that?”

“Well, yes. Sorry,” Jack laughed nervously, seeing how furious Luna was with him for telling Jewel about what happened.

That would be kind of a dick move on Jack’s part, but when did this happen?

“According to your notes, Jack-san met Luna-chan in the forest, spoke briefly before Jewel-san met them, and then … they arrived at the Shrine.” :flips through pages: “Apologies, but I do not see how this could happen without Luna-chan’s knowledge.”

Maybe memory loss is one of Black Mist’s side-effects.

“Jack told me he found you at that restaurant last night drinking incessantly.

Big words make me sound smart!

Tashikani, Ghostcat-sama.”


You need to be careful, Luna. Drinking too much Dark Mist can be hazardous to your health, and could have a dreadful side effect on your spiritual powers.”

And yet you’re still not calling it alcohol for some reason.

“Apologies, but what other negative side effects could this beverage have? Luna-chan simply sleeps for twelve hours.”

If interrupting someone is supposed to cause some sort of backwash, then I’m going to assume that over-replenishing will cause either Luna or some nameless OC who just happens to walk by at the wrong moment to explode violently.

“That is your answer for everything.”

Which is why I get along so well with Shinobi-san.

“Yeah, I know. I wasn’t just drinking Dark Mist last night just because my spiritual energies were drained, truth be told,” Luna confessed.

Were you reading this fic, too? Because that would drive anyone to drink.

“Then what was the other reason you had for drinking so much Dark Mist?” Jewel wondered, giving Luna a stern yet curious expression.

How is Jewel-Sue getting her face into that shape?

:Ghostie attempts ‘stern yet curious’ expression:

Sensei, how do I look?

“As if you are in dire need of a very strong laxative.”

Cheeky ninja.

“I was drinking a lot of Dark Mist because I was depressed.

Which is totally not something people do with alcohol. No sir.

“If Luna-chan was indeed depressed, then this alcoholic beverage would only make things worse; alcohol is a central nervous system depressant.”

She wouldn’t be the first person to try to drink away her problems, though.

Not only are my powers limited, but I have to wait two years in order to become a full member of the Samurai Sisters. It’s so unfair. Why is it that you have to be a certain age to be a part of the team?”

…That’s it?!? She’s being driven to drink because she’s too young to join the frickin’ team?

“Apologies, but I was under the impression that Luna-chan was already a member of the Sisters. Is that not why she is being allowed to join the group assaulting the palace of the oni Aku?”

…Yeah, she is, isn’t she? Why the hell is she bitching and moaning about being too young if they let her go with them despite not being an official member? It’s not like they’re forcing her to stay home.

“You’re just not the right age yet, Luna. It’s only two years.

Because at sixteen you’re a punk-ass kid but at eighteen you’re a responsible member of society.

“I cannot believe you managed to get through that without giggling, Ghostcat-sama.”

Halfway through I had to bite my tongue to stop myself.

Besides, your spiritual powers have developed and grown stronger at a sufficient rate.


Please stop using big words as sentence-garnishes.

You may not be as powerful as most of the Samurai Sisters, but you will become an outstanding member of the team when the time comes.”

Although the audience is repeatedly told how great all the Sisters are, what has actually been shown isn’t really all that impressive. Luna’s shadow-based abilities are easily the equal of the others.

“Except for Jewel-san.”

Right, but she’s the queen of the Sues so she’s better than everyone.

“Thanks for the words of encouragement, Jewel. You always seem to have a talent with boosting other peoples’ self-esteems.

Care to lick her other boot for a while?

“Better her boot than the alternative.”

I agree with you, too.

Imagine that, someone agreeing with the beloved Sue.

“I am experienced much shock.”

Other than me, there’s also Serenity. She’s the same age as I am too,


Back up a second – the time-traveler who has lived through countless ages and is a full member of the Sisters is the same frickin’ age as Luna? HOW?

“Perhaps it is as you have said; Luna-chan is simply disliked by the others.”

so I’m not the only one training and waiting to become a true Samurai Sister,” Luna pointed out,

Yeah, you are. Not once has it even been hinted that Serenity isn’t one of the Sisters. Every time they are mentioned, she’s lumped in with the rest.

“According to your notes, she has even been called a Sister by the other characters.”

changing the subject back to their friend who was still inside The Spirit Shrine.

And what a smooth and flawless transition that was!

“One is reminded of the old single-color films that you coerced the clan into watching, the ones with the badly modeled monsters that move strangely.”

“You are right, Serenity has to wait two years to be a full member of the Samurai Sisters as well. She has trained and worked exceedingly hard in order to become a great warrior,” Jewel concurred,


“Apologies, but I thought they were going to change the subject?”

She kinda did; it’s the exact same thing they said about Luna but with Serenity’s name instead of Luna’s.

“One fails to see how this is any different from the subject they were previously discussing.”

The name’s different?

feeling the stone steps vibrate a bit under her hands. “I felt an energetic vibration just now. Feels like Serenity has completed her meditation session.”

That makes no sense; if she was drawing energy from somewhere, the vibrations or whatever should be stopping rather than starting.

“Apologies, but if Serenity-san draws her energy from a spirit of light and Jewel-Sue draws her power from a water spirit, why is it that Jewel-san can feel Serenity-san’s energy?”

Logically she wouldn’t be able to, but logic rarely applies to Sues.

Right at that instant, just as Jewel finished her sentence, the double front doors of The Spirit Shrine opened.

:Ishi looks around:

“Did you see something?”

Like what?

“It appeared to be a shadow.”

Meh. Either Luna’s abilities have gained sentience or it’s that little bastard Contacts up to no good.

Luna was brave enough to step inside first, and Jewel and Jack followed behind her.

Despite repeated warning about how dangerous it is to interrupt someone replenishing themselves – which now sounds like a euphemism –  they go right in.

“One wonders how any of these characters survived to adulthood.”

The entire building was constructed of marble, and it looked more beautiful and well-crafted on the inside.

:Ishi and Ghostie look around:

I can’t really tell a difference, can you?

“This portion of the Void is slightly more beautiful that the other portion, but it could merely be the candles.”

Serenity was still at the center of the shrine, and the enormous circle of iris scented candles were still lit. However, she was no longer meditating in mid-air, but she was standing in the center of the circle of lit candles.


Are you feeling well, sensei?

“It is amazing that so many words can be used to say so little.”

Meh. I’ve seen better; or worse, as the case may be.

“I sensed your presence outside of the shirt while I was meditating.

And suddenly, everyone’s topless!

:Ishi and Ghostie remove their shirts:

Except you, Serenity and Luna. You have to wear these censor bars since you’re still underage.

“This fic has suddenly become much more interesting.”

I really wish I had my camera. That’s a gorgeous tattoo, by the way; I love how the koi of sculpted butter are swimming in waves of milk.

Madam Alicia predicted yesterday that two of my closest friends and a familiar stranger would visit me today after I finished replenishing my spiritual energies.

“Apologies, but was it not Alicia-sensei who sent this group to meet Serenity-san?”

Yep. It’s pretty easy to fulfill a prediction when you do that.

So, what do I owe this lovely visit?” Serenity asked, not at all embarrassed being found in The Spirit Shrine wearing only a white bikini.

Why would she be embarrassed? Everyone is topless; if anything, she’s overdressed.

“As are you, Ghostcat-sama.”


“You are still wearing a shirt; several, in fact.”


“Jack needs your help returning to his own time after he destroys Aku,” Luna replied, cutting to the chase.

Oh, thank the gods!


I thought we were going to have to sit through yet another one of those little formulaic intros. It looks like they are going to skip over it and get right to business.

“I see. By the way, I am honored to meet you, Samurai Jack,” Serenity smiled, bowing to him.

“Likewise, Serenity,” Jack replied, bowing to her in response. “So, will you help me?”

:headdesk: The gods hate me.

“Perhaps you should not use so much blasphemous language.”

:snort: To hell with that.

“Of course I will help you. On one condition.”

Oh, this never ends well. She’s gonna ask for a his soul or something.

“Perhaps his voice, like the tentacled witch requested from the sad fish-maiden.”

What voice? He barely speaks as it is.

“What do you want?”

What do you think – firstborn son?

“A night of unparalleled delight?”

Maybe both?

“I wish to join you on your quest to destroy Aku, of course. That demon has caused all of us and this planet enough trouble for a lifetime. Will you let me come with you?”

:headdesk: Of course she asks to tag along! What’s one more carriage in this fail-train?

“I am curious as to what they plan to do. They do not have enough warriors to stage a full assault, yet their group is becoming too large to remain stealthy.”

I’m going to guess that they’ll sneak in with that magic spell Man-Candy used to get out, or one of the Sisters has some sort of teleportation power to pull out of their ass.

“I would be honored to have you join me on my quest. The rest of the Samurai Sisters will be coming along with us on my quest as well,” Jack added.

And possibly half the village if they ask nicely.

“That’s wonderful to hear. You will be heading to Fang Desert, and it will take us a day or two to travel through it.

Two days in the desert? On foot? The two waterbenders won’t last ten minutes! The rest of the party will have to drag their asses across the sand and that will slow them down.

“They will serve as useful distractions in the event a predator finds the group; such sacrifices can insure the safety of the others.”

Remind me never to go on vacation with you, sensei.

I’m sure Jewel told you all about that desert, hasn’t she?” Serenity assumed.

I think there was something about poisonous snakes, or something?

“And there is a large palace in the center where the oni Aku resides.”

That’s about it, I think.

“Yes, she has. It does not surprise me that my journey will take a little longer to complete.

Mostly because you’ve been farting around with these Sues instead of doing anything useful.

“All of the other characters have forgotten him from time to time, so perhaps Jack-san is beginning to forget himself.”

The Fang Desert sounds deadly, but I am confident that we can handle it.”

“Apologies, but what evidence does Jack-san have to substantiate this claim? Do any of the Sisters have experience in desert survival?”

Not that I know of, but they’re Sues; what they lack in practical skills they make up for with improbable powers.

“There’s no doubt we can handle Fang Desert, Jack. Just like you, all of the Samurai Sisters and I have fought countless enemies. We should have no trouble traveling to Aku’s castle,” Jewel agreed.

“What is the correlation between battling one’s enemies and not dying from exposure and dehydration?”

Here, let me explain it;


“That is a dancing monkey, Ghostcat-sama.”

Yep. Any more questions?

:Ishi sighs:

Just when their conversation was getting good, the sound of villagers screaming came from outside of the shrine.

Holy shit, action!

“I shall prepare the popcorn.”

Jack, Jewel, Luna and Serenity rushed out of The Spirit Shrine to see what was going on.

:Ghostie scoots to the edge of her seat:

C’mon, baby!

:Ishi ignores the fic to make popcorn:

Giant robot vultures were terrorizing the people of Arab. Metallic screeching emanated from the ferocious robotic birds.

So is this Shrine in the village or outside of it? If you need absolute quiet I would assume it is some distance away, but if they can see the townspeople being attacked then it must be much closer than I had assumed.

And are you actually going to show us any of this, or just tell us about it?

“You already know the answer to that, Ghostcat-sama.”

Several of the metal vultures were flying after townspeople like regular vultures would trying to capture their prey.

Wha? Vultures are carrion-eaters; they eat dead things. They rarely attack living prey, unless it is sick or dying.

:Ishi passes Ghostie a bowl of popcorn: “Perhaps Serenity-san is not quite the healer she believes herself to be.”

All four warriors drew their swords, and began cutting the robot vultures to shreds one by one. These new mechanical bounty hunting minions Aku sent out to destroy Samurai Jack were extremely fierce.

But surprisingly slice-able, it would seem.

“The oni Aku should consider building his minions from sturdier materials.”

Some of the robot vultures were breathing fire, and one attempted to set Luna ablaze.

Sweet mercy, even Aku’s minions don’t like Luna. She’s the official whipping boy of the Sisters and now these metal birds want to barbecue her.

“It is really only a matter of time before she turns evil.”

Unfortunately for the fire breathing vulture, Luna protected herself with a shadow shield that blocked the fire attack.

Shadows are better than fire, even though fire produces light that would dispel the shadows? I’m not buying it.

“It does seem quite ridiculous, even to one who regularly walks between shadows.”

Serenity used a special ability of her hers called lightning strike to vanquish a few of her foes.

Oh, I am not going to like this.

She literally produced lightning from her finger tips,

Holy shit, a fic author used ‘literally’ correctly!

“I shall mark this day in the calendar.”

bent the lightning into the air with her hands, and struck her enemies with it.

Yeah, no. Lightning bolts move incredibly frickin’ fast – 3,700 miles per second – and there’s no way she could bend it in mid-air.

“Apologies, but I have seen this ability before on the terebi.

The experienced firebenders on Avatar could create and direct bolts of lightning, but they couldn’t alter the course of a bolt in mid-air.

Jack was amazed and impressed by Serenity’s spiritual power.

:headdesk: When has he never not been impressed by their abilities?

“I believe there was a brief period in the first chapter, before Jack-san met Jewel-san.”

His mind go unfocused from the battle long enough for a robot vulture to whack him over the head. Everything around him turned black, and he quickly lost consciousness.

:drops popcorn bowl:

He … Jack … That… HOW?!?

:Ishi holds out Mr. Crowbar:


He is JACK, a badass samurai from the distant past, not a squeeing fangirl! He’s battle-hardened and trained so he should damn well be able to focus on the fight and not moon over yet another Sister’s amazing gifts!

The smell of iris scented candles drifted in the air around him. Samurai Jack could smell the sweet scent as he began to awaken from his deep sleep.

He couldn’t have been out long, then. They are somewhere near the Shrine with all those candles Serenity seems to have a girl-boner for.

“Jack-san was previously unconscious, yet now he was merely asleep. Are we certain he was injured?”

Could be he just didn’t want to deal with the Sues anymore so he decided to fake it and take a nap.

He felt the surface of a very soft cushioned mattress underneath his body. The bed he was lying on was so comfortable and relaxing, he felt like he didn’t want to get up at all.

That’s a weird thing to have in a Shrine.

“This particular holy place could be under the protection of a cult that contains sacred prostitutes.”

Serenity just became a much more complex character.

His vision was blurry at first when he opened his eyes, but his eye sight became clearer after it focused.

“It is possible Luna-chan gave Jack-san some of her Black Mist beverage while he was rendered unconscious.”

Ah, but there’s no pounding headache and he probably hasn’t been asleep for twelve hours. If he has then those are the longest-burning candles I’ve ever seen.

Jack looked around the room he had slept it, and was astounded by the beauty of it.

:Ishi and Ghostie look around the Void:


Meh. It doesn’t do anything for me.

He saw that he was lying in a canopy bed draped in see-through curtains, and he was covered in a light blue blanket.

Oh, so he’s just assuming it’s a beautiful room.


He’s in a four-poster bed with a full canopy and bed-curtains; even the sheerest fabric isn’t completely transparent’ it is at best translucent. He’s not going to be able to see through the fabric well enough to make out many details.

The floor was made of crystal blue marble, and the walls and ceiling were painted bone white.

Oh, bullshit! And I can show you why.

:drags a cot into the Riffing Chamber:

Sensei, lay down for a minute.

:Ishi does so:

“Apologies, but I do not understand why I am doing this.”

Just one question – what color is the floor?

“In this position, I cannot … Oh.”

There were pictures of Jewel, Jack and their father Artemis handing from the walls,


Artemis is the father of Jewel and Jacob, not Jack.

“These photographs would suggest that this is a room belonging to Jewel-san, Jacob-san, or Artemis-san.”

Well, Jack’s previously spent the night in Man-Candy’s room so he would hopefully recognize it so it probably isn’t his room. That leaves only Jewel-Sue and Artemis; it’s probably Jewel-Sue’s given the color scheme but I’m kind of hoping it’s Artemis’ room.

“That would be an intriguing development.”

and resting on a few tables. He spotted a vase of white roses next to him on his left side on a bedside table.

There’s a four-poster bed and several tables? How big is this room?

:Ishi holds his hands out:

“This large.”

Very helpful, sensei.

Then he felt the touch of silky hand caress a warm washcloth against his forehead.

:sirens blare:

Fudge monkeys, it’s the DRD!

:Ishi opens a binder:

“May one humbly suggest Plan 469-b?”

Do we have that many goat spleens in Storage?

“I believe so.”

Go ahead, knock yourself out.

:Ishi collects a snow shovel, bowling ball, and zither from the closet, bows and excuses himself:

While sensei’s attending to the agents, I’m going to put on my purple prose goggles. I have a feeling that I’m going to need them.

:Ishi returns, one arm heavily bandaged from shoulder to wrist but otherwise unchanged:

Everything okay?

“Perfectly fine, Ghostcat-sama.”

He looked to his right side and saw Jewel sitting on a white marble chair next to him.

marble chair? Really?


I’m tempted to give this one a pass since Jewel-Sue is friends with an Earthbender who might be able to whip up something like this, but why would you want a heavy, cold, and uncomfortably hard chair in your room?

She continued to caress the washcloth against his forehead to take away some of the pain.

“I do not believe this woman has received any medical training.”

I’m getting a heavy hurt/comfort vibe from all of this. This was supposed to be an Adventure fic, right? Are we ever going to get any actual adventure?

Jack then noticed for the first time that his waist, forearms, forehead and his right leg were wrapped in bandages. The last thing he remembered was getting hit on the head by a robotic vulture’s wing, and then utter darkness surrounding him as he passed out.

“Apologies, but why is Jack-san so heavily bandaged?”

I assume it’s because he was injured.

“Even the ill-mannered Doc-sensei would not bandage one’s limbs and torso for a head injury.”

“Good, you’re finally awake. You have everyone quite a scare, Jack,” Jewel smiled, noticing his gaze was fixated on her.

Everyone who is … surprisingly absent at the moment.

“No good will come of this.”

“Where am I?” Jack asked, sitting up as she removed the washcloth from his forehead.

“You’re in my bedroom.

Because it was apparently important to drag your ass all the way from the Black Forest/edge of town to Jewel-Sue’s place and set you up in her bed rather than taking you to a hospital or doctor.

“Or having one of the healers present deal with the injuries while at the scene of the battle.”

Forgive me, I used up a large portion of my spiritual energies during our battle against the robot vultures. I’ve only been able to use a small amount of my powers to heal your wounds.”

And Serenity, who was also there? What about her powers? Is Man-Candy around anywhere? Hell, just pop over to the Magic Alicia Ball’s place and get some of those Aura tablets!

“This … what did you call it? Itamu/iyashi?”


Hai. With people possessing such powers and the strange magical medicine, there is very little reason for Jewel-san to tend to Jack-san like this.”

“That is alright. I have gotten plenty of injuries before from Aku’s minions.”

WHich you’ve previously been able to shrug off without much effort. Being around Jewel-Sue is hazardous to your health.

“Well, those robot vultures tried to rip you to shreds. If it wasn’t for Luna, Serenity and I, you would have been massacred.

But something tells me we’re never going to find out how, since it’s much more important to the author that her SI Sue cuddles with Jack.

Fortunately, I managed to heal your injuries down to minor cuts and bruises,” Jewel informed him, using her healing abilities on his forehead and his waist.

“Apologies, but did not Jewel-san just claim that she exhausted her healing abilities while in battle?”

Huh, She did. She must have refilled her tanks when she got home, assuming she keeps Aqua Star or those magic pills on hand.

He noticed that she had her extremely long hair down, and that her golden tendrils cascaded down a little below her knees.

But she’s still sitting down, so how can he tell that it’s that long?

“Perhaps the tentacles reach her knees while she is seated, which would make them waist-length.”

Umm, it’s ‘tendrils’, not ‘tentacles’.

“Is that not what I said?”

I worry about you sometimes.

Jack gazed adoringly into Jewel’s beautiful ocean blue eyes that shined against the candlelight.

:grabs face:

GAHHH!! Right in the eyes!

“Are the goggles damaged, Ghostcat-sama?”

So far they’re holding, but that was a bad one.

She was wearing a sleeveless white dress with a gap at the hip.

I guess she tore the dress when she sat down. She probably should have gotten something with a slit up the side since it would have more ease and not split at the waist like that.

“Apologies, but is not Jack-san still laying flat on the bed?”

Yeah, he is. And Jewel-Sue is seated, so he wouldn’t be able to see anything from about mid-chest down unless he sat up.

After she healed some of his wounds on his waist and forehead, Jewel blushed under Jack’s gaze. Being alone with him her bedroom was starting to make her feel a little flustered.

Because romance! Suddenly and from … Ah…

“Yes, Ghostcat-sama?”

I don’t want to finish that thought.

“I am forever in your debt, Jewel. I really appreciate what you did for me. I wish to repay you for your kindness,” Jack insisted,

And since he doesn’t have any money according to the fic, I guess he’ll have to sell his body to pay for all the healing.

“As a reminder, I only accept hard currency for healing services.”

as she unwrapped some of the bandages from his scars that she had fully healed.

So why were the bandages necessary at all?

“They gave Jewel-san an excuse to disrobe Jack-san.”

Excellent point, if a bit disturbing.

“Oh, there’s no need to repay me. You don’t owe me a thing,” Jewel blushed, but then Jack caressed her cheek.

:sigh: I am very disappointed in you, Jack.

“His disgraceful behavior and disregard for his mission brings great dishonor to his family.”

Her heart pounded with anticipation as he leaned forward, and gave her an intoxicating kiss.

Blech. I may be ill.

“You are quite the romantic, Ghostcat-sama.”

If you’d read some of the fics I have that featured a SI character hooking up with their favorite canon character then you’d be feeling queasy, too.

That’s all for this chapter, my Patrons! See you next time when hopefully we will be skipping over any “romantic” scenes between Jack and Jewel-Sue.



64 Comments on “895: Samurai Jack Meets Jewel Lee – Chapter X”

  1. SC says:

    I hope you’re well this fine Black Friday.

    Well, I sent the Professional Goon Squad (Specs, Contacts and Book Specs) out to get pulverized in the stores, and I haven’t heard from the National Guard yet, so I assume all is well.

  2. SC says:

    where Jewel-Sue is skinning-dipping to recharge herself,


  3. SC says:

    The scent of irises drifted through the air from the giant circle of lit candles located in the center of The Spirit Shrine.

    Iris: What the hell am I doing in this fic?

    Your bad luck is hurting you and you’re not even doing anything.

  4. SC says:

    This young lady was Serenity, and just like Luna, she could replenish her spiritual energies by meditating. Which was what she was in the middle of doing at that exact moment.

    Sports Shades: Swell! She won’t even see it coming when I slice her head off with one of Bifocals’ homing shurikens.

    First you chop Luna in half, now you’re contemplating a projectile beheading of Serenity. Are the Sues really getting on your nerves that badly?

    Sports Shades: They and their stupid magic powers are quite aggravating, yes.

  5. The Crowbar says:

    Good God, that chair looks so ugly!

  6. The Crowbar says:

    And from what I remember, Jack was way more badass than this…

    Samurai Jack does not simply get knocked out by a robotic vulture, you pleb!

  7. SC says:

    Where did you get that other sign, anyway?

    “It was on the door to the saber-toothed cat holding cell beside the Mens’ bathroom.”

    You should probably put it back before…

    :muffled screams and snarls:

    …Just get rid of it. And if anyone asks, Gumdrop ate the sign.

    *Contacts weakly drags himself through the door*

    Contacts: Dear Jesus, as if the stores weren’t bad enough, I just got my shit MAULED by a fuggin’ tiger in the bathroom!

    …So where are the rest of the goons?

    Contacts: Probably dead because of the damn cat.

    Well, back to the stores you go, then. Less dying this time.

    Contacts: Oh, FUCK YOU!

  8. SC says:

    So healing is both a light-based and a water-based ability? I know they’re all special little snowflakes, but divvy up the powers at little bit!

    Refer to my comment last week about not mixing separate magic styles for my response to the bullshit you’ve encountered.

  9. SC says:

    “Have you been taking your medication regularly, Ghostcat-sama?”

    I take caffeine regularly, it’s a drug so it is kinda like a medication.

    Doc: *facepalm*

  10. SC says:

    “With such healers and medicines readily available to them, why would so many people have fallen ill?”

    They shouldn’t be! No one should be sick in this village – at all. EVER!

    Jim Harper, Professional Healer/White Mage: Well, let’s not get TOO far ahead of ourselves. They could have been attacked recently. Not that I think it actually happened, mind – I’m just offering a solution.

  11. SC says:

    “That is a dancing monkey, Ghostcat-sama.”

    Yep. Any more questions?

    Using Data as an argument is totally not fair.

  12. SC says:

    :Ishi and Ghostie stare into the Void:


    “You should immortalize it with a photograph for your collection, Ghostcat-sama.”

    Can’t, Bifocals melted my camera. Again.

    Bifocals: I apologized! I did not realize that the Camera Obscura was not something I could make a droid version of!

    … You didn’t realize that you couldn’t make a bionic replica of a MYSTICAL, SPIRIT-DISPELLING CAMERA?

  13. SC says:

    Her spiritual energies had been drained down to the last drop, and the only way she could replenish her spiritual powers was through meditation.

    Jim: …And she’s a healer.


    Jim: Dude, seriously? Everybody on my family is a professional healer/white mage mix (with the exception of my oldest brother, Elias, who was somehow the only one of thirteen kids who wasn’t born with any particular magic prowess and so took up the blade instead), and one if the first things they teach to healers and white mages is to preserve your energy and share the load between yourself and at least one buddy, because there could be a large number of injuries or dark magic-related trouble that could drain you dry in a heartbeat. What school of arcane teachings did this joker attend?

    She didn’t.

  14. SC says:

    Yeah, that powers-backwash thing Luna was talking about in the previous chapter. I don’t see how it could be that bad, though.

    Jim: I can’t speak for these Sues, but in my family, interrupting anybody in the middle of a much-needed recharge is grounds to cause a self-destructive explosion that can level a city block. It happened once to my little brother, Marco – he was recharging after a long day of practicing healing spells, and my little sister Mary interrupted him, and the resulting blast took out a largely-populated area and landed the both of them in intensive care for a number of months. That’s part of the reason my family lives out in the middle of a giant forest now, actually.

    Holy shit. How many other people were injured?

    Jim: Enough that I, my twin sister Nikkie, and the other volunteer medics assisting the hospitals were kept very, very busy. No casualties, tough, thank Gods – my whole family would’ve been crucified if that had happened.

    • SC says:

      If interrupting someone is supposed to cause some sort of backwash, then I’m going to assume that over-replenishing will cause either Luna or some nameless OC who just happens to walk by at the wrong moment to explode violently.

      Jim: Okay, so I JUST got done recanting a terrible part of my family’s history, right?

      Bad timing, man.

      • The worst thing is – we’ve previously seen characters who were replenishing their powers get interrupted and NOTHING HAPPENED! Luna, Jewel-Sue, and Man-Candy were at the nameless sushi restaurant, surrounded by people, and used their various beverages of choice to replenish their powers. If it’s so dangerous to do that, then why in all the hells were they doing it in a public place?

      • SC says:

        Because samrt.

        Jim: Because, “Let’s spit on logic and Jim’s history.”

  15. SC says:

    Not only are my powers limited, but I have to wait two years in order to become a full member of the Samurai Sisters. It’s so unfair. Why is it that you have to be a certain age to be a part of the team?”

    Jim: Lady, don’t complain. In order for Elias, Nikkie, Simon, Peter and I to join the Order of the White Magi – better known as just the “White Order” – we had to be adept white mages, go through intense physical and magical training, I had to possess a Grand Spirit to make up for my lacking combat prowess, we had to have near-perfect grades in school, AND perform a blood ritual binding us to the Order’s will, thus subjecting us to a punishment of debilitating proportions if we ever ran afoul of the Order. You only have to wait two measly years to join. Cry me a river.

    Isn’t your dad the founder and leader of the White Order?

    Jim: If you’re trying to imply that he shouldn’t have been so rough on us, if advise you to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

  16. SC says:

    Because romance! Suddenly and from … Ah…

    “Yes, Ghostcat-sama?”

    I don’t want to finish that thought.

    Oh myyy.

  17. SC says:

    He looked to his right side and saw Jewel sitting on a white marble chair next to him.

    *Contacts scribbles down a note*

    Jim: Are you plotting things?

    Contacts: What are you, a cop?

    Jim: I’m part of the White Order, so technically, yes.

    Contacts: …Well, shit.

  18. TacoMagic says:

    “Dragon-kun located the clan’s strategic tiramisu reserves.”

    Finally! They’re distracted!

    *Storms into the Chocolate Éclair factory with his sword-fork drawn*

  19. TacoMagic says:

    That morning, a colossal amount of people needed Serenity’s healing abilities.

    … Why? What happened that morning? Did one of the Sues finally snap and go on a spree?

    • SC says:

      Sephiroth called down Meteor a few systems off the mark.

      • TacoMagic says:


        “Huh… I’m pretty sure something was supposed to happen there. I wonder where the meteor is. Well, uh, consider yourself warned, Gaia. Mom’s not gonna put up with any more of your lip. Or else meteor. Probably.”

      • SC says:

        *Meteor flies by harmlessly*

        “Fuck’s that thing going, do you think?”

        “Well, it isn’t coming here, so it’s really not our problem, is it?”

    • Once again, something far more interesting happens off-screen while we’re forced to deal with the bland interactions between the Sues.

    • eddie says:

      A powerful character who is struggling to control him/herself but occasionally fails dramatically would be kind of interesting. So it probably wasn’t that.

      • Probably not, since that would require the author to put some thought and effort into the characterization and create a character with depth and complexity – finding something like that in in a badfic would be like finding a unicorn riding a unicycle while juggling fire-breathing leprechauns.

  20. TacoMagic says:

    Yes, can I get a dark roast cappuccino with whole milk and a dash of cho-

    Hold on I think I can sense something dark and evil.

    Went overboard with the Dark Mist again, didn’t you?” Jewel smirked knowingly.

    Damn, just a quick small coffee with a dash of cocoa powder then. Have to drink it quick befo-

    *Taco is bolt-taped to the cash register*


    • SC says:

      *Shades approaches the Tacogister*

      Shades: … I’ll just have a mocha.

      “Do you want that ice-”

      Shades: No, I don’t want it bloody iced!

  21. TacoMagic says:

    She literally produced lightning from her finger tips,

    Don’t tell Crunchy that somebody is working his side of the street.

  22. TacoMagic says:

    “Or having one of the healers present deal with the injuries while at the scene of the battle.”

    Of which, two were already there. Both with magical healing powers, one of whom can be recharged with what is essentially Curacao. Seems like you’d carry a flask or three of it around with you.

  23. Delta XIII says:

    Yes, that one! Where did you get that other sign, anyway?

    “It was on the door to the saber-toothed cat holding cell beside the Mens’ bathroom.”

    You should probably put it back before…

    :muffled screams and snarls:

    *crawls out of cell, bleeding heavily*

    …why? Just… why?

  24. infinity421 says:

    I’m back!
    And I am writing my first fanfiction – go me, I guess? Turns out I don’t have much coursework left, so I can afford to do some writing at the moment. I should be able to get on a bit more after I finish reading the clusterfuck of bad decisions by XCOM which Herr reviewed last week.

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