865: Thomas & Friends: Sodor High Tales – Chapter Five

Title: Thomas & Friends: Sodor High Tales
Author: Gotham317
Media: Movies / Television
Topic: Thomas the Tank Engine
Genre: Adventure / Romance
URL:  Chapter Five
Critiqued by Lyle

Hi, everyone!  Welcome back to TF:SHT, a fic that so far has had nothing to do with the summary.

Well… the first chapter kind of did but it’s just gone into a random-inspired downhill tumble since.  Each chapter has just been the equivalent of a short episode where the characters are all incredibly stupid and real physics do not apply.  In fact, it’s been pointed out by our lovely patrons that each chapter mimics an actual episode in the show, which is why it translates so horribly to humanization.

It’s hardly even worth mentioning what happened previously because the events of previous chapters don’t seem to carry over into the happenings of the next chapters.  All you really need to know about chapter 4 is that the students have to use a train-based turntable to ride their bikes, most everyone is whiny as hell, there was an elephant, Percy finally showed up, and Sir Hatt gives out detention for the stupidest reasons.

Let’s get started!

Chapter 5: Toby

Still nothing to do with the story summary.  Surprise level: none.

Toby Holden is a young teenager who lives in the country close to the mountains with his parents and little sister Henrietta. He had brown hair, brown clothes, wears a brown cap on his head, and he had the number seven on his shirt.

So if he IS a young teenager but HAD brown hair, etc, does that mean he has ceased to exist in the short time between the  first and second sentences?  Watch your tense, Gotham!

His father drives a tram engine and helps to bring trucks from farms and villages to the town. But sadly, his dad lost his job when the goods were now being delivered by road vehicles. It seemed all hope was lost until one day, Mr. Holden met Sir Topham Hatt, who was on holiday with his family, and he offered him a job in town, which was much far away from their home so they had to move from the country to the town.

How does the principal of the school have the power to give random people jobs?  Is it a job at the school?  If so, then it isn’t just the principal’s job to decide who gets the position.  There’s multiple people involved in the hiring process of a teacher.

On the day Toby arrived, Thomas was riding his bike cheerfully through town. He smiled and waved good morning to the townsfolk. But he didn’t watch where he was going as he bumped into a police officer.

Brace yourselves!  Over-reacting adult incoming!

Thomas: Oh! I’m so sorry, sir.

But the police officer was rude and mean, and his face was red.

He forgot to use his sunblock today.

Police Officer: Disgraceful! I couldn’t get enough sleep last night because kids are up late causing trouble!

Police officers typically work in shifts.  If this is a day-time cop, he wouldn’t have been out on night-patrol to handle troublesome kids.  Unless it was an emergency that required extra personnel, like a kidnapping or murder investigation.  Yes, police officers can work 12+ hours in a shift, but this cop’s gripe is foundless.

Thomas: But all I said was I’m sorry.

Technically, you did run into him with your bike.

Police Officer: Why were you riding so fast?! Don’t you know its dangerous?!

You’re talking to a teenager.  Of course he didn’t think about it being dangerous to ride so fast.

Thomas: It’s just a bike. It’s not dangerous.

It doesn’t bite, promise.

Police Officer: Don’t be funny, boy!

He wasn’t trying to be funny.  He probably honestly doesn’t think it’s dangerous.  Unless you’re tell me not to be funny.  In which case, I’m not a boy.

Police Officer: If you go too fast, you’ll hit or run over someone! And if that someone got their arms or legs caught in the wheels or chain, they’ll hurt themselves! So you’re a problem to the public! I think you and I should take a trip downtown!

Thomas: But…but I-

I agree with Thomas on this one.  That is one hell of an over-reaction!  Yeah, someone could get hurt (although I seriously question the ability of someone to get caught in the wheels.  Chain is more feasible) but then you tell the kid to slow it down and proceed.  No one got hurt.  He wasn’t breaking any laws.  You, however, Mr. Policeman, are breaking the law by trying to take a minor into custody without a viable cause.  Are you placing him under arrest?

Toby: (comes over) Just what seems to be going on here? What are you getting at calling this boy a problem to the public?

Uhm, Toby… I know you have the best of intentions here but when a police officer is talking to someone about something that doesn’t involve you, you need to, you know…


Police Officer: He was riding too fast and hit me on purpose!

If the police officer values his job, he would think twice before filing a falsified report when there were witnesses present.

Toby: Oh really? If it was on purpose, then why did he apologize? You’re just making a big fuss over nothing, officer.

You can apologize for things you do on purpose.  Apologies do not always have to follow accidental actions.  That said, why are you butting in, again?  This doesn’t involve you.

Police Officer: Me making a big fuss? Who do you think you’re, buddy?

*facepalm*  Now, while “you’re” is a contraction of “you are” but I don’t believe I’ve ever seen it used in this particular circumstance.

Mr. Holden: That’s my son you’re talking to, buddy. Anyway, you better drop this incident or I’ll have you fired for such ridiculous accusations!

Where did Toby’s dad come from?  And it doesn’t matter if the cop is talking to Toby like that.  Toby started it by being insolent first.

At those words, the police officer left. Thomas shook Toby’s hand rapidly.

Firstly, I doubt that Mr. Holden could scare off a cop with that.  Cops get threatened by the population all the time.

Secondly, two 14-year-old boys shake hands.  There is really only one acceptable way to do this as a 14-year-old boy without getting the crap beat out of you for being a snobby snoot.

Thomas: Oh, thank you! Thank you! I thought I’d get in trouble big time.

Toby: (pulls hand away) It was no biggie. My name’s Toby Holden. What’s your name?

Thomas: My name’s Thomas Billinton. Nice to meet you, Toby.


Toby: Are you a student of Sodor High?

Thomas: Yes I am!

Toby: Good. I’ll be attending your school tomorrow, and I’ll need someone to show me around.

Thomas: I’d be glad to do that.


The next day, Thomas showed Toby around the school building and the yard, and asked Sir Topham Hatt if he could join the Tidmouth class, which he agreed to. At class, Thomas introduced Toby to his classmates.

Zzz- What?  We’ve been over this.  That is not how it works when you’re a new student!  You are given a class schedule before you’re even allowed to walk around.

Thomas: Everyone, this is Toby. He’s part of our class now.

Toby: Hello everyone.

Percy: Hello Toby. I’m Percy. Welcome to Sodor High.

Edward: Pleased to meet you, Toby. I’m Edward. Those three in the back are Gordon, James, and Henry.

Henry and Gordon nodded to him, but James was rude.

Seriously… we know who everyone is.  You don’t have to repeat it every time there’s a new student.

James: Yuck! What a dirty little scum.

Toby felt hurt, but he didn’t snap back at James.

Toby: James, why are you red?


James: I am very splendid and very important. Ready for anything. You never see me dirty.

Nothing to do with the color red, I might add.

Toby: Oh? That’s why you needed bootlaces to fix your bike to be ready I suppose.

So instead of snapping back he’s just going to out-right insult him about something he’s really sensitive about?

im_smrat_greeting_cards-rcdaa07dc916f4795b55a63c0348f590b_xvuak_8byvr_324James went redder than ever as everyone snickered. It was such an insult to remind him of that bootlace incident. At gym class outside on the field, the Tidmouth Teens were warming up for their obstacle course.

Wait, what?  Did some one turn over two pages at once?  Why are those sentences in the same paragraph?

Percy: It sure was rude of James to call you a dirty scum.

Toby: Is he always this rude?

Actually, yeah.  He kind of is.

Thomas: Not always. He was grateful to me for saving him from those Troublesome Teens. Which reminds me, why are they called that?

Uhm, because they’re… troublesome?  That’s a stupid question, Thomas.  And why are you asking Toby?  He’s from the country and new to the area.

Edward: They’re a group of boys we call delinquents who were all banned from our school because of all the trouble they cause, so we called them Troublesome Teens.

“Banned” is not the word I would use.  “Expelled” is more appropriate when talking about educational facilities.

Percy: James gets into trouble himself, like that bootlace incident I told you about. Even Gordon and Henry get into trouble too, like when they went on strike.

That’s because everyone around here has the intelligence and forethought of a flagellate protozoa.

I'm a train-person, hur hur hur!

I’m a train-person, hur hur hur!

Gordon: Percy, I thought I told you never to talk about it!

What happens in Tidmouth Class stays in Tidmouth Class.

It was time to start the obstacle course. James and Toby went first. When the coach shouted ‘go,’ they started running. They ran in-between poles, jumped over tires, and hopped over wooden poles.

And occasionally they pretended to too a horn because they’re really trains.  Woo-woooooo!

James: Try and catch me!

Toby: Oh, we’ll see about that!

When they reached a long rope that hung from a tall, wooden structure, the two boys began climbing up the rope. Apparently, it had rained last night and it was still a little wet, and the ropes were slippery. James was climbing really fast while Toby climbed up slowly and carefully.

I’m sensing a predictable reenactment of a tortoise and hare scenario.

James: Look at you! You’re as slow as a nail!

*slow blink*

Slow as a… nail?  I truly hope that Gotham merely forgot a letter and that is supposed to be “snail.”  Otherwise, saying someone is as slow as an inanimate object that doesn’t move to begin with-

…that’s actually oddly accurate, actually.  A nail is not a fast moving object.  It could very well be used as an insult on one’s speed.

*goes into the Library’s kitchen and poors a stiff drink.  Returns to her office and takes a sip*

Toby: James, don’t go too fast!

James: Ha! What’s gonna happen? I’m gonna slip and fall!

Obviously.  The plot would be served better if that isn’t what happened.  But this thing is as predictable as sunrise.

Well that’s just what happened. James’ hands slipped on the wet rope, he lost his balance, and he fell to the ground into a mud puddle below. Toby had to stop and climb down to make sure James wasn’t hurt. James sat up, he was covered from head to toe in mud, and he was more dirty than hurt. The other teens laughed at him.

Huh.  That’s actually pretty believable.  Nice(ish) kid makes sure potentially injured kid is okay while everyone else laughs at the accident because human nature makes us laugh at the misfortune of others.  I’ll allow it.

Toby: Look here, everyone. Whoever is that dirty scum?

And now nice(ish) kid turns into dick(ish) kid.  Now that you know he’s okay you’re going to mock him.


Percy: That’s James, don’t you know?

He was being facetious, Percy.  You need to learn not to be so literal with everything.

Toby: It may look like James, but James is splendid and important, and you never see him dirty.

*shakes head*  Toby, Toby, Toby… must you descend into their level of douchebaggery already?

James pretended he hadn’t heard. Toby and Percy carried James to the locker room where he had to take a shower and they had to get him an extra pair of clothes they borrowed from the teacher.

Why are they carrying him?  Is he incapable of walking there himself?

Toby: Who’s the dirty scum now, eh James?

If you’re going to continue to mock him, why are you helping him?!

James: Oh, shut up!

I agree with James.  Just… just shut up, fic.

That’s it for this week!  See you next week when we might finally find out what Mystery Woman’s name is in “of wolf and woman.”  Ta!


34 Comments on “865: Thomas & Friends: Sodor High Tales – Chapter Five”

  1. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Thomas: It’s just a bike. It’s not dangerous.

    Oh, honey…

    Here, let me sit you down and we can talk all about gruesome playground injuries…

    • The Crowbar says:

      I remember this one time, when I got a speed’o’meter for my bike, I wanted to see how fast I could go, and then I rode down a gravel hill 60 km/h…

      • Herr Wozzeck says:

        Oh shit! I hope you didn’t get hurt too badly!

      • TacoMagic says:

        If I remember correctly, top speed for Tour de France bicyclists is just shy of 130 kmh in the downhill portion.

        If my bike was going that fast, I’d probably panic, lose control, and then die. Maybe not even in that order.

      • infinity421 says:

        Die, lose control, and then panic.
        In that order.

      • The Crowbar says:

        Nothing bad actually happened, Herr, believe it or not. A few scratches, a bit of blood, but that was it.

        But that one time when I RAN down that same goddamn hill… I tripped over a loose rock, and tore my leftie up.

  2. Herr Wozzeck says:

    So you’re a problem to the public! I think you and I should take a trip downtown!


    Is logic just completely absent in this shit fest? What is this?

    • Aren’t they already downtown? You wouldn’t have a cop directing traffic out in the boonies.

      • AdmiralSakai says:

        Police Officer: Disgraceful! I couldn’t get enough sleep last night because kids are up late causing trouble!

        Given how he reacts, the fact that he’s there at all, and this little gem, I’m beginning to think there really is some kind of state of emergency in the town.

      • Herr Wozzeck says:

        Not unless there was a downed traffic light or something. Maybe there was a really bad thunderstorm the previous night and our author oh so graciously forgot to mention that small fact?

  3. Herr Wozzeck says:

    They’re a group of boys we call delinquents

    Holy awkward wording, Batman, what is this?

  4. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Toby: Look here, everyone. Whoever is that dirty scum?

    I get the feeling that all these kids are gonna have to pay for thousands of dollars of therapy when this is all over…

  5. …that’s actually oddly accurate, actually.

    :sirens blare:


  6. The Crowbar says:

    Man, that police officer is an asshole. The one time I ever got in trouble like that was when I was driving a car (I was 14). A cop pulled me over, reprimanded me and told me that I can keep driving if I want to.

    That’s literally all that happened.

  7. TacoMagic says:

    Toby Holden is a young teenager who lives in the country close to the mountains with his parents and little sister Henrietta. He had brown hair, brown clothes, wears a brown cap on his head, and he had the number seven on his shirt.


    Pretty sure Toby is the second eldest engine on the show! That’s part of his character!

    What next? Is Hiro gonna be in middle-school!?

  8. TacoMagic says:

    What happens in Tidmouth Class stays in Tidmouth Class.

    The soap is made from axle grease!

  9. The E.N.D says:

    There goes another part of my childhood into the black hole of stupidity.

    :eye twitch

  10. The E.N.D says:

    Soap? In a classroom?

    Well, since Tidmouth Class is actually Tidmouth Shed…

  11. infinity421 says:

    Hi, everyone! Welcome back to TF:SHT

    In my mind, I read that as ‘tough shit’. Not sure how to feel about that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s