697: United under two skies – Chapter SixPosted: April 27, 2014
Title: United under two skies
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect/Fallout
Genre: None Listed
URL: Chapter Six
Critiqued by SuperFeatherYoshi
(Buckle up, people. This is going to be the longest snarking so far, unlike Gearman, I mean it..)
“When Death claws met knife”? Oh god, I have a bad feeling about this…
*Headdesk* Are you honestly telling me that using long ranged weapons against enemies that can only attack at close range is amateurish, and charging said enemies with a sword is not?
Did he just kill three Deathclaws, in one go, with a freaking sword?!
So the only way to know if the mother is a problem or not is for you to charge it WITH A FUCKING SWORD?!
You can’t just not describe the Prothean. This is before Mass Effect 3, so the Normandy crew has NEVER seen an actual Prothean before, you can’t cop out like this!
…There’s gotta be a better explanation that DOESN’T INVOLVE PLAGIARISM!
Pro tip, author: Saying fixing the Earth isn’t possible DOESN’T FUCKING WORK when you spent your ENTIRE GODDAMNED FIRST CHAPTER talking about how well you’re doing!
And now, the conclusion:
6. Love over the lights of New Vegas
So chapter 6 is here can’t believe the awesome reviews from everybody and thanks for knowing my story is appreciated give yourself a pat on the back
*Looks up review section*
Yep, all of them positive, not even a single negative comment, as expected.
*Weeps in a corner*
Rex awoke in his room three weeks after the quarry raid with a smile on his face. Today was the day that he was going to take Tali to dinner; he had his chef prepare a special dextro acid dinner, a traditional Qaurian dish he downloaded from the Normandy’s computer.
Traditional Quarian dish? I really doubt that the Quarians have a traditional dish since the only food they have on the Migrant Fleet is vegetable-based paste, and even that is strictly rationed. (Though it was mentioned that Quarians are capable of eating specially purified Turian cuisine.)
Over the last few weeks Rex and Tali grew closer and began spending more and more time together; to the surprise of both they started to develop feelings for each other.
Goddamn it, author! I’m actually running low on Show, Don’t Tell pictures here!
Rex had asked Tali the previous day and she had blushed (even though no one can see it) and accepted with a little hesitation.
No one can see it? Then how the fuck did you know she blushed?
Blah, blah, blah, Rex hasn’t been involved with many women before. Blah, blah, blah, Tali’s smart and strong and considerate. I’m skipping the rest of the paragraph.
Tali awoke in her room and got up before activating her suits hygiene functions. When she walked out into the hall she passed Jacks room from which she heard Jack screaming at her current victim and Tali decided to move on.
What the hell? Is Jack murdering someone in her room? Or is she screwing someone ? What in the name of John Freeman are you trying to express here, Gearman?
Over the past weeks Tali had gotten closer and closer to Rex and couldn’t deny that she felt something for him.
GAHHHHH! You know what, I’m not even gonna bother with Show, Don’t Tell pics anymore.
Blah, blah, blah, her attraction to Rex was nothing like her attraction to Shep. Blah, blah, blah, they share tastes and engineering skills. (Show me that shit, author!) Blah, blah, blah, if Rex doesn’t mind her physiology she might as well see where this takes her. Again, skipping the rest of the paragraph, since most of it’s just pointless-
Duck and cover! Wall O’ Text incoming!
The construction of the ships is normally overseen by the Normandy’s head engineers including Tali and Rex with his team of engineers including veronica but since Tali and Rex were occupied Veronica was overseeing the construction of the fleet. The fleet would be composed of one hundred combat and exploration ships and one hundred colonizers and transport ships. Even though half the fleet was made up of non-combat ships these were not to be trifled with; they were equipped with several defensive features including a massive shield that was a mixture of the Normandy’s kinetic barrier and New Vegas’s shield tech. each of the colonizers are equipped with a beam version of the G.E.C.K powerful beam capable of ripping through almost anything. The war ships ranged from frigates that looked aesthetically like the Normandy that were lightly weapon with reproductions from the Normandy’s weapons, the next class of ship were called Destroyers a massive ship that looked like a massive pillar with two thrusters on its size, and the third class was something the resembled a dreadnought and was equipped with a massive version of Rex’s weapon that destroyed the deathclaw mother. Each was equipped with laser and plasma weaponry which, much to the surprise of the Normandy crew, ripped through kinetic barriers and possibly even the reapers barriers. Each of the ships contained hundreds of fighters that looked like small verti-birds equipped with laser and plasma cannons. With the help of the construction zones and the element generators they projected that they could build ten ships every six months with thousands of fighters they could build a massive fleet to move their people in ten years. They finally accomplish the dreams of humanity long erased by the nuclear fire; the dream to reach the stars and unveil the unknown. Right now the people of the Mojave were being taught the maintenance and operating skills needed to keep the ships running, they were also being taught how to work the combat functions of the fleet. Under Rex’s orders the boomers reprogrammed their, flight simulators and were now beginning the process of training the people of the Mojave to pilot all forms of space craft. Even the children of the wastes were trained in maintenance and repair; the older children who already knew how to wield a weapon were training in maintenance and firing of the main guns. There was no time for childhood in the Mojave especially now.
Is anyone injured? No? Phew…
Let’s just get this over with. *Draws pickaxe*
*Clang! Clang! Clang!*
The construction of the ships is normally overseen by the Normandy’s head engineers including Tali and Rex… but since Tali and Rex were occupied Veronica was overseeing the construction of the fleet.
Really? You’re letting someone with absolutely NO experience with battleships oversee the construction of a whole fleet of them? Just so you can go on a date with the one who’s supposed to be overseeing the construction?
Greatest leader in the waste, ladies and gentlemen!
The fleet would be composed of one hundred combat and exploration ships and one hundred colonizers and transport ships.
*SIGH* Goddamn it, Gearman! Two hundred ships? That’s about the number of ships the Systems Alliance had at the time of the First Contact War! Do you seriously think that a single post-apocalypse city can do the work of an entire planet?
These guys are going to go to the ME verse in 10 years, so that means all those ships must be finished in 10 years time (And of course they all will, this is a Gary Stu we’re dealing with after all.)
ME humanity discovered Mass Effect tech on Mars in 2148, First Contact War was in 2157. Meaning they built those 200 ships in 9 years. And that’s with the industrial strength of the ENTIRE EARTH! Not a single city! Granted, Earth wasn’t preparing to fight the Reapers at the time, and Fallout-verse has plenty of technology to help them with the construction, but still, a city V.S. a planet? I’d bet my money on the planet.
Also, how the hell did you get all the Element Zero necessary to build those ships? And no, matter manipulators won’t work due to Eezo’s unique properties. (Thanks for telling me that, Colonel deFraug and Bernard Karp!) So I’m guessing he’s just ordering them from the PCC.
(…Makes the impossible possible!: 9)
WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!
What did the Prothean VI say last chapter?
“Do not threat human, I can return you to the exact moment when you entered this universe” The V.I said.
At first, I thought I was wrong about them going back to the ME-verse in 10 years time since the Prothean VI said that they can go back at anytime and they will still be sent back to “Right after ME2 ended”.
(Brought to you by PCC Time Travel Agency, a subsidiary of Plot Convenience Corporation. Plot Convenience Corporation: Nothing is impossible… When you’re in a bad fanfiction.)
But I looked up the later chapters and it turns out that they returned to the ME-verse after EXACTLY TEN YEARS!
WHAT THE FUCK?! Do you have any idea just HOW MUCH PREPARATION TIME YOU THREW AWAY? What… I…I just…
(WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!: 8)
Even though half the fleet was made up of non-combat ships these were not to be trifled with; they were equipped with several defensive features including a massive shield that was a mixture of the Normandy’s kinetic barrier and New Vegas’s shield tech.
What do you mean by “massive shield”? Kinetic barriers are Mass Effect fields, they are not even visible under normal circumstances.
And what the hell is New Vegas shield tech? That doesn’t even EXIST in the game!
each of the colonizers are equipped with a beam version of the G.E.C.K powerful beam capable of ripping through almost anything.
OK, time for some more background info:
The Garden of Eden Creation Kit, or GECK for short, is a terraforming device developed by Vault-Tec. It was provided to some Vaults in order to help them adapt to the post-apocalyptic United States after the Vaults are unsealed. Its description in the Fallout series is highly inconsistent: In the Fallout Bible, it was described as a combination of fertilizer system, seed samples, soil supplements and chemicals designed for revitalizing the nuclear wasteland, as well as a series of holodisks containing the content of the entire Library of Congress. Many of its components (Such as the cold-fusion reactor that acts as its power source.) can be disassembled in order to help build new cities. It even contains a pen flashlight!
However, in games such as Fallout 3, a GECK is portrayed as something much more advanced: a matter-energy replicator, capable of “collapsing all matter within its given radius and recombine it to form a living, breathing, fertile virgin landscape and allow life to begin anew.” So I assume that this is where the author get the idea that a GECK can be weaponized.
But! GECKs were never seen in beam form in both the games and the Fallout Bible, ever. So apparently, the author’s just pulling stuff out of his anus again.
The war ships ranged from frigates that looked aesthetically like the Normandy that were lightly weapon with reproductions from the Normandy’s weapons
Lightly weapon? Reproduction“from”the Normandy’s weapons? What the-
the next class of ship were called Destroyers a massive ship that looked like a massive pillar with two thrusters on its size
Wait… Massive pillar? Seriously? And thrusters are on its “size”? And why didn’t you describe its armament? Are you building UNARMED Destroyers? Gearman, did you even proofread your-
and the third class was something the resembled a dreadnought and was equipped with a massive version of Rex’s weapon that destroyed the deathclaw mother.
Frigates that are “lightly weapon”? Destroyers that are unarmed and look like a “massive pillar” with thrusters on its “size”? Dreadnoughts armed with nothing but over sized Red Glares?
Gearman, YOU FAIL STARSHIP DESIGN, FOREVER!
(WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!: 8)
And I just realized the author never mentioned the Red Glare’s name, what the hell?
Author, I find your lack of patriotism disturbing. (His FF.net profile says he’s American.)
Each was equipped with laser and plasma weaponry which, much to the surprise of the Normandy crew, ripped through kinetic barriers and possibly even the reapers barriers.
First of all, what the hell is a Reaper barrier? Reapers use kinetic barriers, just like everyone else, only stronger.
Second of all, the ME-verse do have ship mounted DEW. (GARDIAN laser, particle beam, etc.) They also have Thanix cannons and missiles, yet still, you don’t see them curb-stomping Reapers.
Each of the ships contained hundreds of fighters that looked like small verti-birds equipped with laser and plasma cannons.
….This doesn’t even deserve a headdesk.
(WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!: 9)
SERIOUSLY? FUCKING SERIOUSLY?! HUNDREDS OF TINY SPACE VERTIBIRDS? In EVERY ship?!?!
First of all, this is what a vertibird looks like:
And this is what a space fighter looks like in ME-verse:
Noticed the similarity? Me neither. Mostly because the vertibirds are designed as gunships and troop transport crafts and NOT FUCKING AIR TO AIR FIGHTERS!
Second of all, hundreds of fighters each for two hundred ships, that’s about thirty to fifty thousand fighters in total? Can Rex even build all those fighters in ten years time while building an entire fleet at the same time? Ah, what am I saying, of course you can, Rexie, you clearly had help from the PCC’s Nano Construction Division.
Third, hundreds of them on every ship? Even the frigates? I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t fit, but apparently, the entire fleet is equipped with PCC’s Fourth Dimensional Storage Unit. Man, PCC is making a fortune out of this guy.
Last, but not least, if you’re building all those fighters, WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU HAVE ANY CARRIERS IN YOUR FLEET?!
*SIGH* At this point, I’m guessing Gearman is just some thirteen years old kid who wants to cram everything he thinks is awesome into his fic, regardless of how little sense it makes:
“MAN! These vertibirds are COOL! I’ll just give them plasma cannons and laser guns and build, like, FIFTY THOUSAND of them to be my awesome space fleet’s fighters!”
With the help of the construction zones and the element generators they projected that they could build ten ships every six months with thousands of fighters they could build a massive fleet to move their people in ten years.
Again, what element generator? What construction zone? EXPLAIN things, author!
Blah, blah, blah, Rex revived humanity’s dream to reach the stars. Blah, blah, blah, the Boomers programmed their flight simulators to teach Mojave citizens how to fly spaceships. (Apparently, the Boomers spontaneously gained the knowledge and skills necessary after Rex offered them some of PCC’s Datapads of Endless Knowledge) Blah, blah-
Even the children of the wastes were trained in maintenance and repair; the older children who already knew how to wield a weapon were training in maintenance and firing of the main guns. There was no time for childhood in the Mojave especially now.
Gearman, you son of a bitch.
Child soldiers? Is this some kind of sick joke?
And his response to this doesn’t help his case either:
You have a problem with kids using guns the fallout universe has dozens of examples of children using weapons in defense of their lives and homes
Author, I’ll have to quote Herr on this one:
Um, author, I hate to break it to you, but that doesn’t fucking solve anything, jackass! Whatever kids used weapons in defense of their lives and homes were doing it because they had no other choice. In that situation, fine. That’s okay. I can respect that. But when I can’t respect it is when you conscript children to live as child soldiers. There is a HUGE difference.
And to top it off, there’s this gem:
There was no time for childhood in the Mojave especially now.
Yet there’s apparently PLENTY of time for dating with hot alien chicks instead of overseeing the construction of the space fleet THAT WILL BE CARRYING THESE CHILD SOLDIERS!!!
FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT STORY! FUCK IT!!!
*Hits buzzer twice*
(WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!: 11)
That’s one for the child soldiers and another one for the “There’s no time for childhood now.” bullshit. Unfortunately, our Mojave warlord here, despite supposedly having good karma, committed even more morally questionable deeds as the story progresses. Which is why I’m introducing a new counter:
This new counter is for whenever our “good karma”courier does something that’s the opposite of good. Or whenever our “paragon” Shepard does something renegade.
Here’s to you, Rex Kony, and you, Commander John “Years of Battle Experience” Shepard.
*Hits buzzer twice*
(Our Heroes, Ladies and Gentlemen!: 2)
And I’m glad to inform you, dear readers, that we have finally, FINALLY overcame the dreaded wall of text! YEAH!
*SIGH* Now, back to the badfic:
That night Rex had just finished getting ready when he heard the buzz of his elevator sound. Rex ha found a pristine set of evening ware at the big empty and had it tailored to his frame. Standing just outside of the elevator was Tali looking rather aimlessly.
Evening ware? Is he wearing a dress made out of tablewares? *Snickers*
You know what the craziest thing about this is? THAT would make more sense than his leather power armor!
“Good evening miss vas Reya” Rex said (I’m using her ship name because in my game she was acquitted of all charges.)
ANOTHER mid-story author’s note?! Goddamn it!
Also, even if she was acquitted of all charges, she still keeps the “vas Normandy” title, making this author’s note here:
Rex led her down the stairs to the dining area where several dishes were waiting on its table. They sat down and Rex said “I looked up some popular recipes that are popular among Qaurians in your universe, and my food processor accepted the data flawlessly”
Oh, shit. DRD incoming! Activate the defense turrets!
There we go! Back to the snarking.
How the hell can you make Quarian food with your food processors when the ingredients probably don’t even exist on Earth?
(…Makes the impossible possible!: 10)
And why the hell are the food in dishes when all Quarian food are in PASTE form like old astronaut food? Can Tali even eat that?
“Oh well thank you” Tali said tasting the food “Keelah this tastes amazing!”
What… But… HOW?!
You know what? Screw this. The author apparently didn’t care about logic, so why should I?
Nothing interesting happens next, so I’ll just summarize what happens next:
Blah, blah, blah, Rex is eating a brahmin steak with mut-fruit sauce. (Here’s an idea, DESCRIBE what Tali is eating!)
Blah, blah, blah, Rex read the Codex (Unlike the author that CREATED him.) and is fascinated by the Quarian people.
Blah, blah, blah, the Quarians survived being forced out of their homeworld and tried to make their lives better just like the wastelanders. (The wastelanders were forced to abandon Earth? When?)
Blah, blah, the galaxy hates the Quarians because they created the Geth, blah, blah, blah only the Heretics are bad.
Blah, blah Tali lost her father to the Geths. Blah, blah Rex lost his parents when he was sixteen. (I am so tragic! Feel bad for me! WAHHHH!!!)
Then… Rex decided to show Tali New Vegas in all of its glory.
Rex led Tali to his balcony where the sun was just setting, as the sun fell behind the horizon all of New Vegas burst into light. Over the past two years a tradition had developed where all the denizens of New Vegas decorated their homes with thousands of lights and at night they switched them all on in a dazzling show of luminescence.
Tradition? Seriously? The Vegas Strip is full of CASINOS, of course they are all going to turn on all their lights at night! This has NOTHING to do with you, you fucking Gary Stu!
Tali took Rex’s hand in hers and leaned into him. Rex smiled and returned the contact; and so they stood there enjoying each other’s touch for almost an hour as they watched the bustling city of New Vegas begin its nightly routine.
Soooooo… They just stood there for an hour watching the Securitrons going around blabbering about weapon laws, strippers dancing on the streets, drunks vomiting on the side of the roads and gamblers messing around in the fountains? Maybe I’m just not a romantic person, but to me, that sounds about as romantic as watching paint dry.
Next chapter a character from Fallout 3 will make an appearance for that.
Stop spoiling your own damn story, author! And let me guess, it’s the Lone Wanderer?
I do not own ME/fallout or its characters only the characters i create courier for purpose of the story his skills,special,and perks are at maximum Shepperd made every paragon decision he’s from just after ME2 characters will be added along the way possible Tali romance also good Karma all the way on my courier possible meet up with LW and might go into ME3 please review
That was just a random guess, though.