697: United under two skies – Chapter Six

Title: United under two skies
Author: Gearman
Media:  Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect/Fallout
Genre: None Listed
URL:   Chapter Six
Critiqued by SuperFeatherYoshi

(Buckle up, people. This is going to be the longest snarking so far, unlike Gearman, I mean it..)

01

“When Death claws met knife”? Oh god, I have a bad feeling about this…

*Headdesk* Are you honestly telling me that using long ranged weapons against enemies that can only attack at close range is amateurish, and charging said enemies with a sword is not?

Did he just kill three Deathclaws, in one go, with a freaking sword?!

So the only way to know if the mother is a problem or not is for you to charge it WITH A FUCKING SWORD?!

You can’t just not describe the Prothean. This is before Mass Effect 3, so the Normandy crew has NEVER seen an actual Prothean before, you can’t cop out like this!

…There’s gotta be a better explanation that DOESN’T INVOLVE PLAGIARISM!

Pro tip, author: Saying fixing the Earth isn’t possible DOESN’T FUCKING WORK when you spent your ENTIRE GODDAMNED FIRST CHAPTER talking about how well you’re doing!

 


And now, the conclusion:

6. Love over the lights of New Vegas

So chapter 6 is here can’t believe the awesome reviews from everybody and thanks for knowing my story is appreciated give yourself a pat on the back

*Looks up review section*

Yep, all of them positive, not even a single negative comment, as expected.

*Weeps in a corner*

Rex awoke in his room three weeks after the quarry raid with a smile on his face. Today was the day that he was going to take Tali to dinner; he had his chef prepare a special dextro acid dinner, a traditional Qaurian dish he downloaded from the Normandy’s computer.

Traditional Quarian dish? I really doubt that the Quarians have a traditional dish since the only food they have on the Migrant Fleet is vegetable-based paste, and even that is strictly rationed. (Though it was mentioned that Quarians are capable of eating specially purified Turian cuisine.)

Over the last few weeks Rex and Tali grew closer and began spending more and more time together; to the surprise of both they started to develop feelings for each other.

01

Goddamn it, author! I’m actually running low on Show, Don’t Tell pictures here!

Rex had asked Tali the previous day and she had blushed (even though no one can see it) and accepted with a little hesitation.

No one can see it? Then how the fuck did you know she blushed?

SjQXZlg

Blah, blah, blah, Rex hasn’t been involved with many women before. Blah, blah, blah, Tali’s smart and strong and considerate. I’m skipping the rest of the paragraph.

Tali awoke in her room and got up before activating her suits hygiene functions. When she walked out into the hall she passed Jacks room from which she heard Jack screaming at her current victim and Tali decided to move on.

What the hell? Is Jack murdering someone in her room? Or is she screwing someone ? What in the name of John Freeman are you trying to express here, Gearman?

Over the past weeks Tali had gotten closer and closer to Rex and couldn’t deny that she felt something for him.

GAHHHHH! You know what, I’m not even gonna bother with Show, Don’t Tell pics anymore.

Blah, blah, blah, her attraction to Rex was nothing like her attraction to Shep. Blah, blah, blah, they share tastes and engineering skills. (Show me that shit, author!) Blah, blah, blah, if Rex doesn’t mind her physiology she might as well see where this takes her. Again, skipping the rest of the paragraph, since most of it’s just pointless-

Oh, shit.

Duck and cover! Wall O’ Text incoming!

The construction of the ships is normally overseen by the Normandy’s head engineers including Tali and Rex with his team of engineers including veronica but since Tali and Rex were occupied Veronica was overseeing the construction of the fleet. The fleet would be composed of one hundred combat and exploration ships and one hundred colonizers and transport ships. Even though half the fleet was made up of non-combat ships these were not to be trifled with; they were equipped with several defensive features including a massive shield that was a mixture of the Normandy’s kinetic barrier and New Vegas’s shield tech. each of the colonizers are equipped with a beam version of the G.E.C.K powerful beam capable of ripping through almost anything. The war ships ranged from frigates that looked aesthetically like the Normandy that were lightly weapon with reproductions from the Normandy’s weapons, the next class of ship were called Destroyers a massive ship that looked like a massive pillar with two thrusters on its size, and the third class was something the resembled a dreadnought and was equipped with a massive version of Rex’s weapon that destroyed the deathclaw mother. Each was equipped with laser and plasma weaponry which, much to the surprise of the Normandy crew, ripped through kinetic barriers and possibly even the reapers barriers. Each of the ships contained hundreds of fighters that looked like small verti-birds equipped with laser and plasma cannons. With the help of the construction zones and the element generators they projected that they could build ten ships every six months with thousands of fighters they could build a massive fleet to move their people in ten years. They finally accomplish the dreams of humanity long erased by the nuclear fire; the dream to reach the stars and unveil the unknown. Right now the people of the Mojave were being taught the maintenance and operating skills needed to keep the ships running, they were also being taught how to work the combat functions of the fleet. Under Rex’s orders the boomers reprogrammed their, flight simulators and were now beginning the process of training the people of the Mojave to pilot all forms of space craft. Even the children of the wastes were trained in maintenance and repair; the older children who already knew how to wield a weapon were training in maintenance and firing of the main guns. There was no time for childhood in the Mojave especially now.

Is anyone injured? No? Phew…

Let’s just get this over with. *Draws pickaxe*

*Clang! Clang! Clang!*

The construction of the ships is normally overseen by the Normandy’s head engineers including Tali and Rex… but since Tali and Rex were occupied Veronica was overseeing the construction of the fleet.

Really? You’re letting someone with absolutely NO experience with battleships oversee the construction of a whole fleet of them? Just so you can go on a date with the one who’s supposed to be overseeing the construction?

Greatest leader in the waste, ladies and gentlemen!

The fleet would be composed of one hundred combat and exploration ships and one hundred colonizers and transport ships.

*SIGH* Goddamn it, Gearman! Two hundred ships? That’s about the number of ships the Systems Alliance had at the time of the First Contact War! Do you seriously think that a single post-apocalypse city can do the work of an entire planet?

These guys are going to go to the ME verse in 10 years, so that means all those ships must be finished in 10 years time (And of course they all will, this is a Gary Stu we’re dealing with after all.)

ME humanity discovered Mass Effect tech on Mars in 2148, First Contact War was in 2157. Meaning they built those 200 ships in 9 years. And that’s with the industrial strength of the ENTIRE EARTH! Not a single city! Granted, Earth wasn’t preparing to fight the Reapers at the time, and Fallout-verse has plenty of technology to help them with the construction, but still, a city V.S. a planet? I’d bet my money on the planet.

Also, how the hell did you get all the Element Zero necessary to build those ships? And no, matter manipulators won’t work due to Eezo’s unique properties. (Thanks for telling me that, Colonel deFraug and Bernard Karp!) So I’m guessing he’s just ordering them from the PCC.

*Hits buzzer*

(…Makes the impossible possible!: 9)

Wait.

Wait!

WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!

What did the Prothean VI say last chapter?

“Do not threat human, I can return you to the exact moment when you entered this universe” The V.I said.

At first, I thought I was wrong about them going back to the ME-verse in 10 years time since the Prothean VI said that they can go back at anytime and they will still be sent back to “Right after ME2 ended”.

(Brought to you by PCC Time Travel Agency, a subsidiary of Plot Convenience Corporation. Plot Convenience Corporation: Nothing is impossible… When you’re in a bad fanfiction.)

But I looked up the later chapters and it turns out that they returned to the ME-verse after EXACTLY TEN YEARS!

What… I…

WHAT THE FUCK?! Do you have any idea just HOW MUCH PREPARATION TIME YOU THREW AWAY? What… I…I just…

UGGGHH!

*Hits buzzer*

(WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!: 8)

Even though half the fleet was made up of non-combat ships these were not to be trifled with; they were equipped with several defensive features including a massive shield that was a mixture of the Normandy’s kinetic barrier and New Vegas’s shield tech.

What do you mean by “massive shield”? Kinetic barriers are Mass Effect fields, they are not even visible under normal circumstances.

And what the hell is New Vegas shield tech? That doesn’t even EXIST in the game!

each of the colonizers are equipped with a beam version of the G.E.C.K powerful beam capable of ripping through almost anything.

OK, time for some more background info:

The Garden of Eden Creation Kit, or GECK for short, is a terraforming device developed by Vault-Tec. It was provided to some Vaults in order to help them adapt to the post-apocalyptic United States after the Vaults are unsealed. Its description in the Fallout series is highly inconsistent: In the Fallout Bible, it was described as a combination of fertilizer system, seed samples, soil supplements and chemicals designed for revitalizing the nuclear wasteland, as well as a series of holodisks containing the content of the entire Library of Congress. Many of its components (Such as the cold-fusion reactor that acts as its power source.) can be disassembled in order to help build new cities. It even contains a pen flashlight!

However, in games such as Fallout 3, a GECK is portrayed as something much more advanced: a matter-energy replicator, capable of “collapsing all matter within its given radius and recombine it to form a living, breathing, fertile virgin landscape and allow life to begin anew.” So I assume that this is where the author get the idea that a GECK can be weaponized.

But! GECKs were never seen in beam form in both the games and the Fallout Bible, ever. So apparently, the author’s just pulling stuff out of his anus again.

The war ships ranged from frigates that looked aesthetically like the Normandy that were lightly weapon with reproductions from the Normandy’s weapons

Lightly weapon? Reproduction“from”the Normandy’s weapons? What the-

the next class of ship were called Destroyers a massive ship that looked like a massive pillar with two thrusters on its size

Wait… Massive pillar? Seriously? And thrusters are on its “size”? And why didn’t you describe its armament? Are you building UNARMED Destroyers? Gearman, did you even proofread your-

and the third class was something the resembled a dreadnought and was equipped with a massive version of Rex’s weapon that destroyed the deathclaw mother.

STOP!!!

Frigates that are “lightly weapon”? Destroyers that are unarmed and look like a “massive pillar” with thrusters on its “size”? Dreadnoughts armed with nothing but over sized Red Glares?

misc-are-you-fucking-kidding-me-l

Gearman, YOU FAIL STARSHIP DESIGN, FOREVER!

*Hits buzzer*

(WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!: 8)

And I just realized the author never mentioned the Red Glare’s name, what the hell?

I+find+your+lack+of+patriotism+disturbing+_81f91ce2d5e2e121be965db5f21c6c16

Author, I find your lack of patriotism disturbing. (His FF.net profile says he’s American.)

Each was equipped with laser and plasma weaponry which, much to the surprise of the Normandy crew, ripped through kinetic barriers and possibly even the reapers barriers.

First of all, what the hell is a Reaper barrier? Reapers use kinetic barriers, just like everyone else, only stronger.

Second of all, the ME-verse do have ship mounted DEW. (GARDIAN laser, particle beam, etc.) They also have Thanix cannons and missiles, yet still, you don’t see them curb-stomping Reapers.

Each of the ships contained hundreds of fighters that looked like small verti-birds equipped with laser and plasma cannons.

….This doesn’t even deserve a headdesk.

*Hits buzzer*

(WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!: 9)

SERIOUSLY? FUCKING SERIOUSLY?! HUNDREDS OF TINY SPACE VERTIBIRDS? In EVERY ship?!?!

First of all, this is what a vertibird looks like:

VB02_Vertibird_Composite

And this is what a space fighter looks like in ME-verse:

Alliance_Fighter-1-

Noticed the similarity? Me neither. Mostly because the vertibirds are designed as gunships and troop transport crafts and NOT FUCKING AIR TO AIR FIGHTERS!

Second of all, hundreds of fighters each for two hundred ships, that’s about thirty to fifty thousand fighters in total? Can Rex even build all those fighters in ten years time while building an entire fleet at the same time? Ah, what am I saying, of course you can, Rexie, you clearly had help from the PCC’s Nano Construction Division.

Third, hundreds of them on every ship? Even the frigates? I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t fit, but apparently, the entire fleet is equipped with PCC’s Fourth Dimensional Storage Unit. Man, PCC is making a fortune out of this guy.

Last, but not least, if you’re building all those fighters, WHY THE HELL DIDN’T YOU HAVE ANY CARRIERS IN YOUR FLEET?!

*SIGH* At this point, I’m guessing Gearman is just some thirteen years old kid who wants to cram everything he thinks is awesome into his fic, regardless of how little sense it makes:

“MAN! These vertibirds are COOL! I’ll just give them plasma cannons and laser guns and build, like, FIFTY THOUSAND of them to be my awesome space fleet’s fighters!”

With the help of the construction zones and the element generators they projected that they could build ten ships every six months with thousands of fighters they could build a massive fleet to move their people in ten years.

Again, what element generator? What construction zone? EXPLAIN things, author!

Blah, blah, blah, Rex revived humanity’s dream to reach the stars. Blah, blah, blah, the Boomers programmed their flight simulators to teach Mojave citizens how to fly spaceships. (Apparently, the Boomers spontaneously gained the knowledge and skills necessary after Rex offered them some of PCC’s Datapads of Endless Knowledge) Blah, blah-

WAIT.

Even the children of the wastes were trained in maintenance and repair; the older children who already knew how to wield a weapon were training in maintenance and firing of the main guns. There was no time for childhood in the Mojave especially now.

………

…………..

………………

Gearman, you son of a bitch.

Untitled

Child soldiers? Is this some kind of sick joke?

And his response to this doesn’t help his case either:

You have a problem with kids using guns the fallout universe has dozens of examples of children using weapons in defense of their lives and homes

Author, I’ll have to quote Herr on this one:

Um, author, I hate to break it to you, but that doesn’t fucking solve anything, jackass! Whatever kids used weapons in defense of their lives and homes were doing it because they had no other choice. In that situation, fine. That’s okay. I can respect that. But when I can’t respect it is when you conscript children to live as child soldiers. There is a HUGE difference.

And to top it off, there’s this gem:

There was no time for childhood in the Mojave especially now.

Yet there’s apparently PLENTY of time for dating with hot alien chicks instead of overseeing the construction of the space fleet THAT WILL BE CARRYING THESE CHILD SOLDIERS!!!

FUCK THIS PIECE OF SHIT STORY! FUCK IT!!!

*Hits buzzer twice*

(WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT?!: 11)

That’s one for the child soldiers and another one for the “There’s no time for childhood now.” bullshit. Unfortunately, our Mojave warlord here, despite supposedly having good karma, committed even more morally questionable deeds as the story progresses. Which is why I’m introducing a new counter:

01

This new counter is for whenever our “good karma”courier does something that’s the opposite of good. Or whenever our “paragon” Shepard does something renegade.

Here’s to you, Rex Kony, and you, Commander John “Years of Battle Experience” Shepard.

*Hits buzzer twice*

(Our Heroes, Ladies and Gentlemen!: 2)

And I’m glad to inform you, dear readers, that we have finally, FINALLY overcame the dreaded wall of text! YEAH!

*SIGH* Now, back to the badfic:

That night Rex had just finished getting ready when he heard the buzz of his elevator sound. Rex ha found a pristine set of evening ware at the big empty and had it tailored to his frame. Standing just outside of the elevator was Tali looking rather aimlessly.

Evening ware? Is he wearing a dress made out of tablewares? *Snickers*

You know what the craziest thing about this is? THAT would make more sense than his leather power armor!

“Good evening miss vas Reya” Rex said (I’m using her ship name because in my game she was acquitted of all charges.)

ANOTHER mid-story author’s note?! Goddamn it!

Also, even if she was acquitted of all charges, she still keeps the “vas Normandy” title, making this author’s note here:

Rex led her down the stairs to the dining area where several dishes were waiting on its table. They sat down and Rex said “I looked up some popular recipes that are popular among Qaurians in your universe, and my food processor accepted the data flawlessly”

Oh, shit. DRD incoming! Activate the defense turrets!

There we go! Back to the snarking.

How the hell can you make Quarian food with your food processors when the ingredients probably don’t even exist on Earth?

*Hits buzzer*

(…Makes the impossible possible!: 10)

And why the hell are the food in dishes when all Quarian food are in PASTE form like old astronaut food? Can Tali even eat that?

“Oh well thank you” Tali said tasting the food “Keelah this tastes amazing!”

What… But… HOW?!

You know what? Screw this. The author apparently didn’t care about logic, so why should I?

Nothing interesting happens next, so I’ll just summarize what happens next:

Blah, blah, blah, Rex is eating a brahmin steak with mut-fruit sauce. (Here’s an idea, DESCRIBE what Tali is eating!)

Blah, blah, blah, Rex read the Codex (Unlike the author that CREATED him.) and is fascinated by the Quarian people.

Blah, blah, blah, the Quarians survived being forced out of their homeworld and tried to make their lives better just like the wastelanders. (The wastelanders were forced to abandon Earth? When?)

Blah, blah, the galaxy hates the Quarians because they created the Geth, blah, blah, blah only the Heretics are bad.

Blah, blah Tali lost her father to the Geths. Blah, blah Rex lost his parents when he was sixteen. (I am so tragic! Feel bad for me! WAHHHH!!!)

Then… Rex decided to show Tali New Vegas in all of its glory.

Rex led Tali to his balcony where the sun was just setting, as the sun fell behind the horizon all of New Vegas burst into light. Over the past two years a tradition had developed where all the denizens of New Vegas decorated their homes with thousands of lights and at night they switched them all on in a dazzling show of luminescence.

Tradition? Seriously? The Vegas Strip is full of CASINOS, of course they are all going to turn on all their lights at night!  This has NOTHING to do with you, you fucking Gary Stu!

Tali took Rex’s hand in hers and leaned into him. Rex smiled and returned the contact; and so they stood there enjoying each other’s touch for almost an hour as they watched the bustling city of New Vegas begin its nightly routine.

Soooooo… They just stood there for an hour watching the Securitrons going around blabbering about weapon laws, strippers dancing on the streets, drunks vomiting on the side of the roads and gamblers messing around in the fountains? Maybe I’m just not a romantic person, but to me, that sounds about as romantic as watching paint dry.

Next chapter a character from Fallout 3 will make an appearance for that.

Stop spoiling your own damn story, author! And let me guess, it’s the Lone Wanderer?

I do not own ME/fallout or its characters only the characters i create courier for purpose of the story his skills,special,and perks are at maximum Shepperd made every paragon decision he’s from just after ME2 characters will be added along the way possible Tali romance also good Karma all the way on my courier possible meet up with LW and might go into ME3 please review

That was just a random guess, though.


108 Comments on “697: United under two skies – Chapter Six”

  1. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    The hell? Why is the whole thing in a huge quote?

  2. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    CHAPTER TWO: THEY REVOCER TEH BEDFIC BUT THEY DON’T
    Gordon and EP arrived at teh riffing scene where a riffer from the site said “I have take the badfic and it will cause snarking!”
    “NO, NOT ALL OF FF.NET!” Which swas target of where they were and it was nice place and my friend writes there.
    “IF YOU DO NOT IMPROOVE YOUWRITIN”
    “TOO LATE” and Gorden hit submit buton and teh room was slowly become braindamage
    “Ew must escapes out of here fastly” but EP’s head was already blowed to smitheroons.

  3. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Traditional Quarian dish? I really doubt that the Quarians have a traditional dish since the only food they have on the Migrant Fleet is vegetable-based paste, and even that is strictly rationed.

    And wait, hold on a second. Before then, the quarians did have a cuisine, right? I mean, they were out of their suits at one point in history, so it’s not as canon-breaking as one might think… well, until you remember that any sense of cuisine they might’ve had was lost to the Morning War since, you know, you can’t exactly eat much if you can’t open your mouth and accept food, yeah? So what the hell is a traditional quarian dish doing on one of the Normandy’s computers?

    *headdesk*

    Jeez, it doesn’t even make any sense if you do postulate that the quarians had a quisine once.

    • SuperFeatherYoshi says:

      “quisine”
      Oh, I get it! Quisine! Because they’re Quarians! HAHAHAHA!

    • Colonel deFraug says:

      Actually, given the nature of the extranet, information about quarian cuisine would likely be quite available, if likely filtered through an asari lens, cause they’re culturally appropriating bints like that. (Same with information about art, music, and all the other bits and pieces of quarian culture.) You might need to do some reverse-engineering, but that’s not impossible.

      As for why it’d be on the Normandy’s computer? *Grins* Do you really think that The Illusive Man wouldn’t provide information on each member of Shepard’s notably unstable squad that could be used to control them? Seriously, think about it. Tali’s been on the Migrant Fleet pretty much her whole life, where they can’t maintain their old culture, because they’re to focused on survival. Now she’s on a Cerberus ship, which she hates, and she’s pretty much only there because of Shepard.

      Jacob tries to welcome her onto the ship. She blows him off.

      Then she sees the ship is being flown by Joker, an old friend. Things are a bit better.

      Then the Doctor appears to be Chakwas. From the old Normandy!

      Next, she’s appointed Chief Engineer, a position of high esteem, and has two friendly subordinates.

      Shepard comes down to check on her. It’s almost like old times!

      Garrus is here! Sure, he’s a dick, but he’s part of the old squad!

      And now Mess Sergeant Gardner is making her a quarian dish? From before the Morning War? Well that’s nice, but she couldn’t eat it…he says this is the levo version, and he has the dextro version’s flavor blended into a special food tube? No, she doesn’t mind losing the texture, she’s never had it before, and she’s sure he did the best he could. And Yeoman Chambers wants to talk with her about quarian music and dance?

      Maybe this isn’t so bad…

      I’m compressing the timeframe a bit, but I hope that my point is clear. We know in canon that the Illusive Man is not above pulling honeypot traps (Kelly admits to being one in ME3). The Normandy is a very carefully crafted environment that doesn’t act like the rest of Cerberus, and I imagine a part of that is to make sure that the largely alien specialist are more at ease. Better morale, better chance of mission success, and that means a safe humanity.

      And perhaps it means those X-ray motherfuckers won’t see it coming when it comes time to plant the dagger firmly in their back. Terra imperator, and all that.

      Sometimes what looks like a nice act is motivated by evil, especially when dealing with shadowy black-ops groups.

      • TacoMagic says:

        Moving back to the content of the fic: this falls apart a bit when you reckon that the food processors Rex uses would likely need a specific molecular makeup of the food in order to produce it. While records of traditional Quarian food in the databanks might be probable, an atomic-level molecular breakdown of the food required for recombination would be a bit on the unlikely side.

      • The Crowbar says:

        Wouldn’t re-arranging molecules into something specific take a shitton of energy…

        And technology wayy beyond anything in the ME or Fallout universe?

      • Colonel deFraug says:

        It’s possible that EDI might have that information in her memory, but yeah, that’s a potential stumbling block. I imagine the best you could do is some vatted genemod organism that is ‘close enough’, you know? You might be able to turn that into something appetizing that appears to be like quarian food, but it sure as hell wouldn’t be the real deal.

        As for your question Crowbar, apparently that’s what the Sierra Madre Vending Machines actually do, so apparently Fallout can pull that trick in a limited sense. (Yes, I know there was a plan to use them to produce everything, but you can only get them to produce a limited number of items in the game, so it’s questionable how feasible that is. And even if it’s feasible, it’s sure to be hard to adapt them.)

        I would imagine that it would take a great deal of energy to pull that trick, but in my mind, the truly astounding part is the precision they’re getting out of vacuum tube computing. I mean, think, really think, about how small of a scale they’re working on, over and over, and quickly too! Rapid molecular assembly is incredibly advanced tech. Like Star Trek BS tech. And if we take it that the SMVMs can make new molecules or in fact new atoms out of their feedstock, they actually are MORE advanced than the ST replicators.

  4. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Frigates that are “lightly weapon”? Destroyers that are unarmed and look like a “massive pillar” with thrusters on its “size”? Dreadnoughts armed with nothing but over sized Red Glares?

    Jesus, and here I thought that starship design couldn’t be any worse than it was in Parallel Realities. I mean, the ship design in PR was stupid and over the top, but it at least took the time to tell us what the fuck each ship was armed with. But this?

    *headdesk*

    Something tells me Gearman needs to get his ass off the chair and out into the world…

  5. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Author, I find your lack of patriotism disturbing. (His FF.net profile says he’s American.)

    Sh! SFY, keep quiet! Don’t you know that patriotism can lead to another Batarian Hegemony vs. USA/The Patriots?

  6. Bernard Karp says:

    Hey Crowbar, there was no sex on Aladdin’s magic carpet over the lights of New Vegas, because of that I’m suing for false advertising….. Want to join in on the lawsuit?

  7. Herr Wozzeck says:

    and possibly even the reapers barriers.

    And that’s another thing: I can maybe see why you might know that it can rip through most kinetic barriers, but then how the fuck do you know that it can penetrate the kinetic barriers of a Reaper? Unless a Reaper randomly attacked to allow you to test that, you should have no way of knowing that it can penetrate the kinetic barrier of a Reaper in the first place!

    *headdesk*

    What the fuck is wrong with this fic?

    • Bernard Karp says:

      Clearly the author is referring to the Destroyer class Reaper, because they’ll take the brunt of all of the attacks for the big Sovereign class Reapers.

    • erttheking says:

      Actually I’ll give him credit there, kinetic barriers are said to only stop solid objects, and lasers and plasma are energy weapons. I know that the Mass Effect universe does have GARDIAN lasers, but I never got the impression that they were particularly strong and that they were more for anti-missle and fighter defenses. And the Thanix cannon, while very powerful, is actually a railgun that fires liquid metal that turns into a projectile. It’s codex entry even describes it as so.

      http://masseffect.wikia.com/wiki/Thanix

      So yeah, I could very much see a giant plasma cannon being effective on a Reaper. Granted knowing the Reapers their alloys would be so tough they they wouldn’t go down easily, but it’d be one less layer of defense to go around.

      Now then, the Fallout universe having the resources to build energy weapons that could act as anti-ship weapons? That’s where this concept kind of falls apart.

      • Herr Wozzeck says:

        Mm… Fair enough. I actually did think about that a little bit once I posted that. Don’t you love how you think of a trump card point after you actually finish debating a point?

      • Colonel deFraug says:

        I will give him zero credit for plasma. Why? Simple. Plasma is matter, and therefore has mass. Ergo, it can be blocked by a k-barrier with the proper activation settings. And the Reapers aren’t incapable of observing plasma fire and tweaking their activation settings. At most you’re going to get one engagement out of it. Likely just a few firings.
        The next argument which I often hear is that the plasma would be superheated, and deposit thermal energy into the target after being stopped by the k-barrier. I can buy that…in an atmosphere, where you’ve got conduction and convection to help you out. In a vacuum? You’ve only got radiation to transmit thermal energy, and that’s by far the least effective method for transmitting thermal energy. More, you’re losing, at a minimum, half of the thermal energy to radiating away from your target. Even better, the thermal energy will be spread out over the target, since it’s not coherent, and you have to deal with the square-cube law. (Oh, and even in atmosphere the Reapers could pull the vac-shield trick with full-exclusionary k-barriers from orbit, or just pumping out the atmo under their shield.)

        Moral of this story? Plasma weapons suck. And that doesn’t even get into the ways that they don’t work, since we are taking it as gospel that you can get them to work.

        Lasers? Yes, those could work. The issue with the lasers in Mass Effect is not one of power, it’s of lensing and heat efficiency. The simple fact is that for a laser to be effective, it needs to be focused to a small enough spot size so that it deposits enough energy to do damage. At longer ranges, a larger lens is needed. And given the fact that a laser is pretty much a blast furnace that happens to give off coherent light, the races of Mass Effect, who have heat capacity as a primary limiting factor in their military designs chose mass accelerators as their primary weapon, as they have a longer effective range and produce less heat for a given unit of energy on target. However, for point defense, the laser reigns supreme as it bypasses K-barriers and doesn’t miss. And at close range, the spot size is small enough to do damage. (I do have workarounds for some of these issues, but that’s something I’m saving for story writing.)

      • TacoMagic says:

        *Sniff*

        Somebody else understands plasma! I promised I wouldn’t cry.

      • The Crowbar says:

        Too late, Ert… I’m a frequent reader of your story. The moment a new chapter rolls out, I go to FF.net and read it.

        There is no escape from us!

        *Cackles maniacally until he chokes on his own juices and dies*

      • TacoMagic says:

        When people talk about “the three states of matter” I’m always the guy who screams. “THERE ARE FOUR* STATES, ASSHOLES!”

        Seriously, is four really that much harder to learn than three? Why no love for plasma!?

        *There are actually more than four, but everything else takes special situations, like a neutron star.

        • erttheking says:

          I’m kind of in-between. I know that plasma is a form of superheated matter, but when I think of kinetic barriers blocking something, I think of solid forms of matter. It doesn’t help that it always talked about kinetic barriers are blocking projectiles in the codex, mainly referred to Mass Accelerators.

        • TacoMagic says:

          It would really depend on what determination the shield is using to block matter. From an energy standpoint in a vacuum, there really is no difference between a single slug of matter and a contained cloud of plasma. Both will undergo the same basic kinetic transferance of energy when they hit something (though a plamsa ball would arguably be more likely to tear through a soft target rather than frange and deliver energy, but that’s all about containment and density, which aren’t considerations to a KE shield that completely blocks while it’s up). The only way plasma is making it through the barrier is if said barrier were designed to specifically ignore things with a low density. Not an unrealistic assumption given that things inside a barrier still need to breathe, but it’s something that the barrier could easily be altered to take into account.

          In atmosphere, it’s a bit more complicated since the transference of heat energy is much easier. However, that’s only useful IF the barrier is a physical entity that can absorb heat or the shielding does not create thermal separation between air molecules, allowing heat to transfer across the shield. If it’s just an energy field, and/or creates a vacuum or other thermal barrier between air molecules, then plasma is going to be no more effective than a metal slug of the same overall mass.

          Again, if a KE shield is designed specifically to only block things above a certain density, then the first time somebody shoots plasma at you, you’ll be in for a surprise. But that’s really a setting thing. You’d be much better served setting your KE barriers to form small, randomly appearing invisible ports through which to cycle air. That way you maintain a fully functional shield against all inbound… stuff.

        • erttheking says:

          Did I mention I nearly failed physics in high school?

      • The Crowbar says:

        I think that people think that plasma is simply super-heated shit. They either consciously avoid new knowledge or they haven’t heard form anywhere what plasma really is.

        Asswipes.

      • TacoMagic says:

        As I’ve said to Lyle, when a good story comes up against physics, it’s better to under-explain your technology. If the story is good enough, readers will fill in the gaps themselves to make it feasible. Just hide behind techno-babble and vague plausibility.

        See Lucas and Rodenberry for a good examples of how that works. They were excellent at loading up their shows with tons of Jargon that was essentially meaningless. Everything else aside, they were masters of unsubstantial techno jargon, which actually helped their shows be more believable; It’s easier to suspend belief when the terminology doesn’t mean anything to you. Just don’t go overboard or it’ll sound like a 1950’s B-grade space serial.

        This is one of the areas where ME kinda failed. They stretched for plausibility beyond their understanding of science, which is why it’s so easy to deconstruct. Since the theoretical operation of the technology doesn’t actually affect the game much, it can be ignored for the whole package, but they really shouldn’t have made that reach.

  8. Herr Wozzeck says:

    You have a problem with kids using guns the fallout universe has dozens of examples of children using weapons in defense of their lives and homes

    Seriously, Gearman, I still stand by what I say. There’s a difference between home defense and the friggin’ LRA, you know?

  9. Herr Wozzeck says:

    (Here’s an idea, DESCRIBE what Tali is eating!)

    Oh, but SFY, don’t you know? That would require him to think about what he’s describing! And don’t you know that the whole scenario with cooking up a dish from a cuisine that’s likely been lost for three hundred years would fall apart if he started applying logic to it?

    • The Crowbar says:

      They’d probably end up cooking Tali’s enviro-suit with Thresher Maws someone pulled out of the Stu’s asshole.

    • erttheking says:

      And it’d require him to have him talking to her and building a fucking relationship with her! You know, Talimancers kind of disturb me. Your idea of a good LI for Tali is a goofy musician who’s main flaw is that he’s too nice, mine a mild mannered German solider who likes to see the best in everyone to the point where some people find it irritating, Tali included, just about everyone else likes to go with super badass “LOOK AT HOW AWESOME I AM!” douchenozzels who we are TOLD are good guys, but we see something completely different.

  10. Bernard Karp says:

    Hey SuperFeatherYoshi, that wall of text was a lot to take in, any advice on possible treatment for the damage it caused?

  11. Wait … So those vertibird things are supposed to be flying in space? As in, the vacuum of space where there would be no air? They would be rendered useless – they’d just hang there, the propellers spinning and providing no thrust at all.

    • erttheking says:

      Now you’re just asking for logic.

      • Colonel deFraug says:

        I always ask for logic!

        However, this time I have a solution.

        Build A-61 Mantises. They’re human designed, which likely means Cord-Hislop Aerospace made them. Cord-Hislop is a front for Cerberus, which means that EDI could quite possibly have the full specs for them in her.

        They can fly in both air and space, function as light bombers, troop transports, air superiority, close air support, etc, depending on how they are configured. And they are modular enough to be easily converted to each of these roles. They don’t have FTL capacity, limiting their use as black-space fighters, but you could design a strap-on eezo core to give them that capacity. (Remember, modular.)

        By designing your weapons packages to dovetail into this spaceframe, you could quickly upgrade a great deal of the galactic society, possibly basing your initial economy off of this. We know for certain, minimum, that the Alliance, Cerberus, the Asari Republics, the Blue Suns, and Eclipse all operate the Mantis, and given that Hock has one, that’s probably not everyone who does.

        You still run into the issues of getting enough eezo, but hey.

        (I might really like the A-61 Mantis as piece of Mass Effect canon, and think that they should make a Wing Commander type game using the space combat in Mass Effect. This maaaaaaaaaaay be a remote possibility.)

      • The Crowbar says:

        Yeah’, the Mantis is great for anything, except for, you know… Troop transport.

        Remember Zorya?

      • SuperFeatherYoshi says:

        But I thought Mantis gunships were Turian-made…

      • Colonel deFraug says:

        Worked just fine, despite losing one of the transported soldiers to ground fire. Though I do question where in the hell that troop compartment sits. Mass effect troop transports seem to have something in common with the TARDIS.

        But seriously, for an unshielded model of something that’s functionally equivalent to a M/AH-6 Little Bird in easy rifle range, not making any evasion? That’s damn good performance, only losing one of the transported soldiers. It’s a little light on carrying capacity compared to the UT-47, but so’s the Little Bird compared to the Black Hawk.

        I don’t see where you’re coming from, calling it a bad troop transport.

      • Colonel deFraug says:

        I admit, the being made by humans might be a misremember on my part. Here’s the codex:

        The workhorse of mercenary bands throughout the galaxy, the Mantis is a two-man, vectored-thrust aircraft that excels in close air support roles. Highly modular in construction, the Mantis can be reconfigured as a low-altitude gunship, a fighter, a high-altitude bomber, or even a single-stage-to-orbit spaceplane that can engage enemy craft around a planet or a space station. The only role that the mantis cannot perform is that of a true deep-space fighter, as it has no FTL drive.

        First rolled off the assembly lines in 2170, the Mantis remains in service in dozens of armies across the galaxy. It is most commonly used as air support in pitched ground battles, in a configuration that sports two pods for Inferno PKRs (Precision Kill Rockets) and a chin-mounted M350 mass accelerator cannon. Its kinetic barriers, thermal decay system, and electronic countermeasures suite make the Mantis far less vulnerable to surface-to-air attacks than previous generations of aircraft. Like most modern planes, the Mantis uses an element zero core to ease the load of the engines with a mass effect field, allowing it to take off vertically or hover in place using minimum fuel. This also gives it far greater range and speed than the helicopters and jump-jet aircraft that once filled its niche – a Mantis can take off from Baton Rouge, reach Moscow in a few hours, fly a ground attack mission, and return home before having to refuel.

        Now, we can glean from that a few things. First, they’ve been made since 2170, so the Alliance has been on the galactic scene and Cerberus has been extant for more than a decade. So humans could have made it. They also talk about it replacing helicopters and jump-jets, something humanity is much closer to than turians.

        Okay. Now we have to get a little more speculative. Of the groups we see to operate the Mantis on screen, two of them are fully human (the Alliance and Cerberus), one is asari, human, and salarian (Eclipse), one is a private individual (Hock, human, and employing the Eclipse), and one is human, batarian, and turian (Blue Suns).

        But with the Blue Suns, in one case we know that Tarak (a batarian) is piloting, and we only see humans in the Zorya Mantis. This suggests that the Mantis was designed for a human pilot (letting batarians and asari pilot easily as well.).

        The asari could have made it, but it doesn’t match their design style. The batarians? Possibly, but they’re flying export or knock-off UT-47s, (which apparently had its hostile environment tests on Venus, suggesting a human make) and that doesn’t say anything good for the state of their light aerospace industry.

        Even better, Cerberus flies the spaceframe. And they can manufacture their own capital ships and (in ME3) a new fighter design distinct from the F-61 Trident. Which means that the racist, isolationist, human supremacists would have no need to fly a turian spaceframe that could have all sorts of backdoors in it’s avionics. (Hell, Cerberus probably puts them into the export models. Remember the Cord-Hislop connection.)

        And the real kicker? Your turian air support on Tuchanka? Artimec Wing? They don’t fly the Mantis. What they do fly is based on the scale model of the Kara from Kasumi’s loyalty.

        So yeah. With all that, I feel pretty confident attributing the Mantis to humanity, and specifically to Cord-Hislop for the Cerberus connection.

      • TacoMagic says:

        Fraug, you’re mantis refit post is making me want to play Galactic Civilizations II.

        *Sigh.* Still waiting for GalCiv3.

      • The Crowbar says:

        I tried GalCiv II

        I prefer Space Empires V…

  12. erttheking says:

    And just like how Herr is the best Mass Effect self insert writer in the world (Not saying much considering the competition) I am the best Mass Effect Fallout crossover writer in the world (Again, not saying much considering the competition) but still I have a bit of experience that let’s me comment on this piece o crap.

    First of all, I could see the Fallout world producing spaceships, Mr. House did say he had plans for that. Problem is that he said it would take him awhile, 50 years to put a man in space, 100 to get one on another planet. So while them eventually getting enough industry to do this is possible, it’d take them decades if not centuries to start producing spaceships, even LONGER at a fast rate.

    Second of all, I doubt ANYONE in the Mojave would have the technical know how on how to build spaceships. The closest you could get is Chris Haversam and maybe a few Brotherhood of Steel scribes, and even they’d be scratching their heads wondering what was even the fuck when it comes to working with Element Zero.

    Third. I like how there is no indication EVER of child soldiers being used in the entire Fallout universe, with the exception of the Legion. You know, the people who are more or less the bad guys of Fallout New Vegas? Who enslave and rape women just about everywhere they go?

    Fourth. Yeah, pretty much nothing in common with Fallout Humans and Quarians (Though there were a few insane A.I.s in Fallout). They’re more like the Krogan than anything else.

    Fifth. Yeah I REALLY don’t see how the Strip can be seen as romantic, especially with one of the casinos having ties to organized crime, one to cannibalism and the third an attempted revolutionary. Granted with the last two they were things of the past, but still!

  13. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    None of you noticed that the “United Under Two Skies” sticky note is the same as the “U sudnt come here” sticky note from Full Life Consequences?

  14. TacoMagic says:

    Yep, all of them positive, not even a single negative comment, as expected.

    *Comforts Yoshi*

    I know, I know.

  15. TacoMagic says:

    The fleet would be composed of one hundred combat and exploration ships and one hundred colonizers and transport ships.

    *Raises hand*

    So, Rex, given that capital scale ships are almost invariably built in orbit due to the size and fuel problems associated with take-off, how do you actually plan to get this fleet into space?

    Also, your matter replicators are snazzy and all, but, due to energy constraints, you still are going to need massive quantities of base atoms. Where are you getting all the iron for 100 capital scale ships? You can rearrange the molecules of sand into a lot of things, but metal isn’t one of them.

  16. TacoMagic says:

    Each of the ships contained hundreds of fighters that looked like small verti-birds equipped with laser and plasma cannons.

    *Facepalm* Good luck using those in space, numbnuts.

  17. TacoMagic says:

    How the hell can you make Quarian food with your food processors when the ingredients probably don’t even exist on Earth?

    I’ll be devil’s advocate here and say that, in a situation where you have full molecular recombination abilities, being able to make dextro-based food would probably not be that big of a deal. The only real difference between levo and dextro based molecules is that the optical rotations are opposite, but molecular composition would be very similar. It’s all about the bonding. If you can break down the bonds between individual atoms and reform them at will, controlling the optical rotation of the formed molecules would be a trivial consideration.

    This is also at the heart of why chemists call bullshit on the allergy claims of ME. From a molecular level, there really isn’t anything to suggest that chiral molecules with reversed optical rotation would cause any problems. Most likely, the body would just not be able to use the molecules and flush them out as waste. So, while you couldn’t live on Quarian/Turian food, it wouldn’t kill you.

    Now, finding a precise molecular makeup of the quarian food, yeah, that would be far less likely given that the ME universe doesn’t have replicators. Finding the precise molecular workup of quarian food is the real PCC delivery, here.

    • TacoMagic says:

      It also means, aside form the chafing issues, there wouldn’t be anything inherently dangerous in cross-species copulation.

      I’m sure that’s good news for all the Garrus mancers out there.

  18. DasCheesenBorgir says:

    Looks like in the Wasteland you could consider yourself lucky to have Nathan Explosion to be on your uber awesum starship design team.

    Also, correct me if I’m wrong here since I’ve tried to avoid speaking to those masses of pixels everyone here considers ‘crewmembers’ on every playthrough following the sickening ‘perfect ending run’, but:

    “…miss vas Reya” (Gearman 2014)

    Did Rex just screw the pronunciation of his beloved’s ship name? I mean, yeah, more than likely it’s just another typo on the author’s end, but still… I can’t imagine a few specific Quarian names can be THAT difficult to say, and even if they were, it might’ve actually led to some interesting interaction if she decided to just really casually point out he said it wrong, leading to:

    a) awkward silence
    b) some other actual interaction

    …ah, what the fuck. Why do I even bother? For all I care that three fingered, hooved freak can have her internet reputation torn to shreds by rabid fans for all eternity. So long as Bioware doesn’t make resolving that issue another goddamn loyalty mission.

  19. SuperFeatherYoshi says:

    Nothing interesting happens next, so I’ll just summarize what happens next:

    Great, my own DRD momment.

    *Cocks Plasma Shotgun*
    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some DRD agents to kill.

    • SuperFeatherYoshi says:

      good Karma all the way on my courier possible meet up with LW and might go into ME3 please review

      Also, “LW” is supposed to be highlighted. Formatting issues.


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