421: From Another World – Chapters 3 & 4

Title: From Another World
Author: EclipsePheniox
Media: Video Game
Topic:  Mass Effect / Parallel Realities
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: From Another World Chapter 3 and Chapter 4
Critiqued by Erttheking

Chapter 3: A Hero Rises

Welcome back to my shredding of From Another World.  Last chapter, Shepard decided to stay with an alien race that he never met and actually wanted to join their military because…if he didn’t we wouldn’t have a Mass Effect plot.  Also, Ashley did nothing to contribute to the plot, Shepard talked to his Fairy Godmother, and then the Union finally figure out that he was the prince after ten years.  Maybe that last one was a Game of Thrones esque plot where a potential usurper for the throne kept things covered up…oh who am I kidding, that’d be too awesome.

Let’s move on to where the ministers of the Union are-

Hi there.

…Who are you?  Who let you in here?

Oh, you don’t recognize me?  That hurts.  Didn’t you say that I was your favorite villain to write?

Oh…fuck me.  Hey everyone, this is Dr. Goeth, Dr. Goeth everyone.  He’s a villain from my Fallout/ Mass Effect crossover…I promise he won’t hurt you.

Pleased to meet you.  And don’t worry, I have turned enough subjects into mutants and cyborgs, I’m satisfied at the moment.  I’m here to help you review this story.  Here’s my resume.

I don’t need to read your resume I wrote your story, I know that you turned ten thousand people into husks on steroids, now sit down, shut up and help me review this damn story!

Fine.

Ok, like I said, lets move on to where the ministers of the Union are meeting

The ministers stood reading a report of an exocron operative about John Shepard who has been confirmed to be Jol’an Shardan the prince of Tibera.

“Are you sure it’s him?” The Tiberian minister asked.

“With out a doubt he survived 2 shots to the heart. No one else could survive that.” The exocron replied.

Well I wouldn’t say that no one else could survive that, Wrex could probably survive it (due to having a backup heart)

And my Krogan mutants.

Yes, and your fucking Krogan mutants, but I guess that it took a Human getting shot twice in the chest for them to take a hint, because all the other ones didn’t make it click.

“Did he exhibit any ability to control Gamma Energy?”

“Who cares!  He survived getting shot in the heart!’

“Um…did he exhibit abnormal strength and speed?”

“Who cares!  He survived getting shot in the heart!”

“Did he….oh forget it.”

After that, another character is introduced.

“We finality found him?” A female voice asked.

Everyone in the room turned to face a woman who just walked in. The woman had a tiberian soldier uniform on and long brown hair.

“Who are you?” the aqultron minister asked.

“My name is Ki’sla Darvan I have been selected by the King to be the prince’s Lo’targ.” She said.

“If my data banks serve me right that means you are to be his wife if he has no lover. Am I right?” The exocron minister asked.

“Yes you are but as you all know we are at war with Cerberus so I can’t be his wife until this war ends.”

“We are currently still rebuilding because of the infection. It will take time until we can rage a proper war.”

“What can I do to help?” She then asked eagerly.

“We would like you to monitor John Shepard and find the right opportunity to bring him up to speed on us.”

Standing straight and saluting she said “yes sir” and walked out.

HA!  I’d be ready to get cock blocked if I were you lady.  Also is this the same lady with the cybernetic arm in the last chapter?  I THINK that these are supposed to be main characters that we’re being introduced to, but they’re so underdeveloped I can’t even tell who is who.

Also, you’re “at war” with Cerberus despite the fact that you don’t have the proper resources to actually wage a war?  HA!  That’s hilarious.  It reminds me of two kingdoms back in an old MMO I used to play called Runescape, where a King and a Queen were threatening to declare war on each other, despite the fact that their armies were NONEXISTENT!  And it was supposed to be funny, unlike here, where it ironically ends up being the bigger joke.

And…how come they’re not bringing him back?  Oh right, we need to let the plot run it’s course, common sense isn’t allowed, my bad.  (Derp Counter: 4)  Then we cut to Elysium……….this is going to do the Parallel Realities thing where Shepard goes through all three of the backgrounds and acts like a total paragon even when it directly contradicts what happens in canon and completely destroys everyone isn’t it?

This will prove to be amusing.

Fires raged across the colony’s capitol gunfire and screams echoed through the ruined city. The buildings ready to fall from artillery fire and enemy soldiers closing in.

“CORPORAL GIVE ME AN UPDATE” Shepard yelled through the gunfire.

“RECON SHOWS A MASSIVE BATARIAN FORCE INCOMING WE CAN’T HOLD OUT MUCH LONGER SARGE”. The corporal yelled back.

“WHAT ABOUT THE CIVILIANS?”

“THEY ARE SAFE NO CASUALTY’S.”

“GOOD NOW GET THE SQUAD OUT OF HERE I’LL HOLD THEM OFF.”

Realising what he said the rest of the squad turned to face Shepard.

“YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS SARGE THEY OUTNUMBER US 4-1” another squad mate yelled.

“I GAVE YOU GUY’S AN ORDER NOW GO PROTECT THE CIVILIANS” Shepard said turning to face them. Reluctantly the squad retreated leaving Shepard behind.

“HELLO CORPORAL HOW ARE YOU?”

“I AM FINE YOU SIR.”

“I AM GOOD.  I AM SPEAKING IN ALL CAPITALS TO EMPHASIZE THAT I AM SHOUTING EVEN THOUGH THAT COULD HAVE BEEN DONE WITH A SIMPLE EXCLAMATION POINT.”

“AND YOU DON’T EVEN USE ONE ANYWAY.”

“I AM A GENIUS.”

“SIR MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE NORMAL SENTENCES TO MAKE THE SHOUTING STAND OUT.”

“DON’T BE STUPID CORPORAL.”

Once his squad was out of sight he left his cover and put his assault rifle away. He then started walking slowly towards the oncoming force. Taking his knife out he said “May the spirits of war protect me.”

Looking at his knife the blade started to glowed a bright white. Once the light faded the knife changed. The blade stretched itself to 2 feet and had become sharper.

While Shepard walked a batarian sniper aimed at his head. Smiling he said “die human”. Before he could pull the trigger a searing pain came from his chest looking down he could see a sword had stabbed him.

“W www what” he managed to spit out.

“You will not kill my future husband slaver” a female voice whispered in his ear. The woman then removed the sniper’s head and dispersed.

Shepard then saw the batarian force. As the force advanced he then said “father protect me”. He then charged at the oncoming force.

Oh….oh GOD DAMN IT!  His knife really IS a super special awesome energy sword?  Well maybe not but it’s still magical to some degree.  And Ki’sla has some really messed up priorities.

“This entire city is being sacked by Batarians and hundreds if not thousands of people are being enslaved…I need to save my future husband despite how overpowered he is and then do nothing else.”  (Derp: 5)

Now now, give her credit, maybe there’s a reason behind all of this.

Oh yeah?  How do you figure?

Maybe she wants Humans to be enslaved and killed, after all, Cerberus did do something to  their galaxy.  Maybe she hates Humans, maybe she doesn’t care if they live or die.

….That’s actually a good idea.  Considering the story that EclipsePheonix rips off I wouldn’t be surprise if there ends up being a lot of undertones about the Union secretly being evil.  I don’t buy it so far here though, they seem more stupid than evil.

That or seeing her future lover kill people…excites her.

You shut the fuck up.

“Come on” Kadian said helping a young girl up onto the ship.

“How’s the evacuation coming?” An officer asked.

“Slowly but we are managing sir” a soldier said.

“Sir recon says that the batarian force is gone” said a man working a radio.

“WHAT?” the officer roared in surprise.

“Apparently a lone alliance soldier wiped out the force.”

“Alone are you expecting me to believe that?”

A foot step from behind them made them turn around. A figure walked to them as they grabbed their weapons. Kadian then squinted his eyes the figure had a blade attached to his left arm.

“Sargent Shepard is that you?” he said in surprise.

“What other Shepard’s do you know?” Shepard said coming into view with a smile.

Actually I know two other Shepards.  One of them shot me in the lung with a laser.  Boy, it’s been awhile since I operated on myself, I forgot how tricky it can be.

How do you…never mind.  Also he took out the entire Batarian force (God Mode Counter: 2)  And no, he didn’t do this in canon.  He held out against the Batarian force until reinforcements arrive, there’s a difference between holding out against a massive force and wiping said force out, it’s why people get so impressed and excited when you kill the Maw during Grunt’s loyalty mission.

Yeah…also, did Shepard turn into a Space Pirate from Metroid?  Because they also like to attach their blades to their arms, heck, some of them cut off their arms and replace them with blades.  Pretty painful process.

Yes but did they use chainsaws?  I didn’t think so.

We then cut to

Akuze 1 year later

Fuck, we’re doing this aren’t we.

Shepard ran through broken trees and muck carrying an injured squad mate. As he ran he could see ships taking off. A roar then came from behind him. Turning his head quickly he cursed and ran faster. A Thresher Maw closed in fast but he was faster.

“Sir just leave me I’m dead weight.” The injured soldier said.

Nonsense, you still have your organs don’t you?  I could use them considering that you won’t be needing them.

“Never you’ve got a family to look after I’m not leaving you.” He scolded.

Finally the evac ship for his squad came into sight his men waving to him. He then made it.

“There’s only one more seat sir” the pilot said.

The Thresher maws came closer. A roar made Shepard turn round. Then without thinking he shoved the injured squad mate on the ship.

“Make sure he gets medical attention” he said backing way from the ship.

“What about you sir you can’t stay hear the maws will kill you.” One of his squad mates said.

“Then so be it” he said as the ship took off.

“We’ll come back for you.” Another soldier yelled.

“If you don’t when you get to hell I’m kicking all your asses.”

“Yes sir” they said in unison.

The Thresher maws came closer and Shepard pulled out his blade and started to glow white.

Anyone else rather see this happen?

(WARNING: Intensely graphic video)

Ah, I think Dead Space is my new favorite game.  Heck, I’d die on purpose.

You would.  Now then…this scene…dear lord.

First of all, outrunning a Thresher Maw on foot (God Mode Counter: 3) second of all, being unnecessarily antagonistic to his men and saying that he will “Kick all your asses” despite being a Paragon(Our Hero Counter: 3)  Third. YOU ARE NOT AN ULTRAMARINE!  Sit on someone’s lap if you have to, or is your race highly homophobic, Shepard?  Oh, and killing a Maw with a sword (God Mode Counter: 4).  Still, credit where credit is due.  It beats Parallel Realities where Shepard fought a DOZEN Maws…probably shouldn’t mention that scene, it still causes me to go into blood frenzies.

Manslaughter is such an ugly word…wait a minute no it isn’t.  But I do like to describe it as “donating bodies to science”

I didn’t kill anyone, relax.

Aw

2 weeks later

Kadian got out of the ship and scanned round the area. Looking up he could see smoke nearby. Smiling he ordered 2 other people to follow him. Making their way through the mess of branches and blood. A smell of freshly cooked meat met their noses. Passing through a large hole in the trees then saw a small fire with Shepard cooking maw meat.

How come Kaiden keeps popping up out of nowhere?  And this scene…it is hilarious, but I sincerely hope that it was meant to be.  Also, how come it took two weeks for them to go back for Shepard?  Oh and thanks a lot EclipsePhenoix, thanks for Sole Survivor, minus the, you know, SOLE SURVIVOR!

Who’s Kaiden, again?

Another time.

Eden prime

The line moved forward as people got their food. Ashley got her tray and moved down as well. After getting some food she then moved to a seat net to a window and looked out of it while eating. After taking a swig of water the news came on.

“Today Alliance forces on Akuze returned to find that the Maw nest has been destroyed by Sargent Shepard. Who stayed behind 2 weeks ago to give an injured squad mate a ride on a shuttle back to the ship for medical attention.” The news reporter said.

SHearing this Ashley smiled then felt her heart skip a beat. She missed Shepard more than she cared to admit. She had a crush on him ever since he was on the Hastings. She then thought about him and her spending time together. She then remembered the time on Mindoir when he nearly died. Lying there next to the slaver leader his heart slowing down. Remembering it she just could not take it and a tear came from her eye.

Shaking her head she continued to eat her lunch. Then a thought came to her. ‘What if he is seeing someone’ she then shook her head again telling herself that he would tell her. She then decided to ask him if he is and continued eating.

Bit schizophrenic there Ash.

“Oh, I remember that time he almost died.  I-WAIT!…What if he’s FUCKING SOMEONE!?  THAT’S MY JOB!”

This is why the concept of sex bores me.

And I know you’re probably getting tired of me getting on my soap box, but how come the only time we cut to Ash, all she’s doing is focused around Shepard?  Love Interests can have a purpose in the story BEYOND their connection to main characters you know.

Then we cut to Torfan

The battle was hard but thankfully no casualty’s on both sides. Shepard did an extremely risky tactic by leasing his team round the back of the batarians and knocking them out. Now they have a whole group of batarian POW’s.

…I’m sorry, what?  The battle of Torfan ended with ah grand total of ZERO deaths?

No one died?  Aw…that’s boring!

I…oh COME ON!  (God Mode Counter: 5).  How did you just sneak behind them and knock them out?  Were the Batarians so brain dead that they didn’t have any rear guards?  And how do you just knock someone out?  Especially considering that odds are the soldiers with Shepard are regular Alliance Marines, who I doubt have training in stealth operations, who aren’t trained to take enemy soldiers alive.

Did they shoot them with concussive rounds?  Somehow I doubt that, from the way that the story is worded, it sounds like they clubbed the Batarians with their rifles, and that’s just STUPID!  DOC!

Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s time for SCIENCE!  This is your brain

Cunningham_Brain-Skull

You see, the brain is protected by the skull, much like the ribcage protects the heart, but the skull is much different.  It protects the brain from nearly every angle, is one of the hardest bones in the body, and has several layers in addition to a clear fluid that acts as a cushion so that when you bang your head, the brain doesn’t smash into the skull and get bruised.  The organ is very well protected, so that you don’t get knocked out by being lightly tapped. Basically, with all this, what I’m trying to say is: you can’t really knock someone out by smacking them in the head.  If you did… then you have probably cracked their skull and likely damaged the brain.

Our hero everybody.  I can’t add this to the counter because it’s speculation for the most part but…yeah.

Shepard sat on a crate talking to Kadian.

“So that was my first love” said Kadian “what about you? I bet girls throw them selves at you.”

“Yes they do but I got my eyes on someone.” Shepard said “but I’m not telling you.”

“AAAA come on.”

“nope”

“please?”

“Yeah, that was my first love.  I broke the Turian’s neck and she never wanted to see me again after that.”

Methinks that the author isn’t that familiar with Kaiden’s backstory.  Also, why are Shepard and Kaiden standing around gossiping like teenage girls?  I mean it’s a nice change from Parallel Realities where more than a few of the girls did it, but it’s still annoying.   And I get it Shepard, you have a thing for Ash, I PICKED THAT UP!

And after the defilement of Sole Survivor, it’s time for the defilement of Ruthless.  What’s that?  You say that it’s already been defiled considering that no one died?  True, very true, but sadly it gets worse.

A gunshot made the 2 stop talking.

“What was…” Kadian started to say.

“The commander.” Shepard said jumping down and running towards the POW’s.

The commander aimed his pistol at another batarian before he could pull the trigger Shepard stood in the way between him and his target.

“Move lieutenant.” The commander said in a angered tone.

“I can’t do that sir.” Shepard said in a calm voice.

“They DESERVE IT they killed thousands and sold more.”

“I know that sir but I can’t let you kill them.”

“WHY THE FUCK not you killed few dozen on Mindoir and a whole battle group during the blitz.”

“LIVES DEPENDED ON ME. They depended on me for holding the positions. If I didn’t the one who I love would be dead or worse a slave. But they were armed. H is not if you think that you are doing the dead a favour you are not. All your doing is committing a war crime a capitol offence.”

The commander lowered his pistol seeing what he has done. “What do we do to them then?”

“Interrogation they have to have some juicy Intel that we can use.”

Guh.  Not only is Shepard on Torfan without the whole ruthless bit, but now he’s actively talking someone down from doing the same thing, just to paint him as a pure paragon and a badass.

Aw, I actually got excited when he was executing the POWs.

Oi.  Also, Parallel Realities had a teeth grinding moment where Shepard gave a speech here about how killing POWs was wrong, and moved on to completely ignore his own speech in later chapters, killing Batarians that were either working on repairs, or trying to negotiate.  If that happens in this story, I will lose it.  Not to mention that the commander backs down way too easily.

Also the capitalization is a little weird, like if Frank Miller did it.  Try saying this out loud.  “WHY THE FUCK not.”  Shout the first three words, then drop down to normal volume for the last one.  Well, the breaking down of the three backstories and turning character development into wish fulfillment is over.  And this story hasn’t even reached the first game yet.  God help us.  Well at least Shepard didn’t commit a “capitol offence”.

“Well what about Shepard?” Asked Udina. “He was found in space but no one knows were he was born.”

“Myself and Williams gout him out of a shuttle craft however there was no DNA match. However those who are born in space tent not to have DNA profiles. So the likely hood of him being born on a shuttle are high. He also has a troubled past he won’t talk to anyone about it.”

“Can we trust someone like that?”

“Everyone has secrets Shepard is no different.”

“He fort against an entire batarian battle group during the blitz.” Hackett said “He nearly sacrificed himself to keep that colony standing. A year after that on Akuze he saved most of his platoon from a Thresher maw nest. He even gave up a seat on a shuttle for a wounded man. Then 2 weeks later he was found eating maw meat witch made him popular with the krogan. Another year later on Torfan he and his team ambushed slavers and had no casualty on ether side. He even convinced his commander to keep the prisoners alive we managed to get a lot of slave trading Intel from them.”

“Interesting” Udina replied. “What about his combat speciality?”

“It’s mixed he’s mostly a soldier however he dose have biotic powers that are extremely powerful and does not need an implant. His engineering skills are beyond me. He practically built the Normandy single handed.”

“Is that the kind of person we want protecting the galaxy?” Udina asked for conformation.

“We need the beast Shepard isn’t some grunt in all insentience and purposes he is a super soldier.” Anderson said with authority.

“I’ll make the call.”

Thank you Hackett, for giving exposition on the events that I JUST READ!  I am not a goldfish EclipsePheniox, I can remember things I read.  Also, God damn it, you’re going down the same road as InHarmsWay and making it so that Shepard made the Normandy?  Sure, why not, don’t make it a result of the combined efforts of the Turians and the Alliance in an attempt to promote peace and cooperation, no, no, no, make Shepard design it because it makes him even more overblown than he already was.  Makes me wonder how the fuck a five year old abandoned in another galaxy learned how to do this shit, GOD!

Well, I think I’ve got time for one more chapter.

I have time.

Chapter 4 The Machine Threat

It starts with Shepard on the Normandy heading for Eden Prime.

Shepard slowly got up out of bed and grabbed his armour. ‘Eden prime’ he thought to himself as the words moved about in his head. He knew Ashley was there but something was wrong. After a few hours of leaving from lunar he felt uneasy like a storm was coming. No matter what he did he just couldn’t shake the feeling.

GEE, I SURE DO HOPE THAT THE GETH DON’T DECIDE TO SACK THE COLONY, THAT WOULD NOT BE VERY PLEASANT!  Yeah, that’s how subtle this passage is.  Shepard goes on for a bit how he designed the Normandy after Tiberian tech.  Hey question, if Shepard is  designing advanced ships with alien tech, why is he hiding that he’s an alien?  Oh right, he doesn’t FEEL like revealing himself.  And the Union doesn’t want to get him because they don’t FEEL like getting him, because if anyone was to think rationally, we wouldn’t be able to follow the original plot.  Hey why not, stick mindlessly to tradition no matter how little sense it makes, like when the medieval Catholic Church said you’re not supposed to think rationally.

Worked real well for the Enclave too, wanting to continue World War III two hundred years after the atomic bombs fell.

Anderson then comes in and Shepard asks for a day of leave once they get to Eden Prime because he wants to see Ashley.

“Shepard what can I do for you” he asked and indicated to him to sit.

“Captain I was wondering when we get to Eden Prime may I take a day’s shore leave?” he said while taking a seat.

“Why?”

“I have a friend on Eden Prime I would like to see how she’s doing”.

The captain just smiled. “You can’t hide anything from me John”.

“I’m not hiding anything David. I just what to have day’s shore leave in paradise to see a friend”.

“I’ve known you since we recovered you from that shuttle. I also know Ashley Williams is there. I’m not blind Shepard I know you’ve had you eyes on her for a long time.”

Smiling Shepard then said “I can’t hide anything from you can I”.

Chuckling “no you can’t I may give you a couple of hours but not the day will that be okay?”

“A few hours is good. Thanks Anderson. I’ll go check on joker.” He said as he got up and walked out.

I’ll give credit where credit is due, when InHarmsWay wrote this scene (and just about every other scene), he made Shepard a self absorbed little brat who threw a tantrum every time he didn’t get his way despite supposedly being a Paragon.  This Shepard seems to be much calmer, understanding that he has responsibilities that come before his personal life.  So at least this Shepard is actually acting like a Paragon.  He’s still a little bland and he’s massively overpowered, but at least he’s consistent…for now.

I have the popcorn for when he stops.

And…blah blah blah blah, copy pasted dialogue from the intro to the first game, look it up on YouTube if you’re curious.  He then talks to Chakwas and Jenkins, gives a speech on being a good soldier and-

You know, Commander, you would make a good Spectre! You held off an entire battarian battle group on Elysium single-handedly. Killed a dozen maws on Akuze and took an entire slaver group hostage on Torfan.”

Killed a dozen maws on Akuze

Killed a dozen maws

a dozen maws

dozen maws

……………………………………………………

Are you KIDDING ME!?  I went out of my way to say “well at least he didn’t kill a dozen maws on Akuze like Parallel Realities did” and then you turn around and DO JUST THAT!?  (God Mode Counter: 6) Really each Maw should get it’s own shot, but I want you to still be alive by the halfway point.  I mean this is just pointless wanking material, not to mention it defies established ME lore with there being no more than three Maws on a planet at once, but now I’m beating a dead horse.

Heh, your anger amuses me.

He then goes to talk to Anderson and Nihlus

“Ah, Commander. I was hoping you would get here first. Gives us time to talk.”

“What about?”

“I want to know more about this colony.”

“I went there once with my foster patients on a business trip,” Shepard answered. “It’s the perfect paradise.”

“Yes… serene tranquil safe Eden Prime is a symbol to your people. A perfect little world at the edge of your territory.” Nihlus turned around to face the screen. “Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies, but also protect them. But how safe is it really?” Nihlus faced Shepard again.

“Stop playing games, because I don’t like them. Nihlus, and tell me what’s going on?”

“You’re quick to catch on.”

“I think it’s time we tell the Commander what’s really going on,” Anderson said as he walked up to them, after hearing part of their conversation.

“This mission is far more than a shakedown run.”

“You being here proved that.”

Pretty standard stuff in other words, just establishing-

“The Normandy is making a covert pick-up. That’s why we needed the stealth systems.”

“The Prothean relic.”

Anderon’s and Nihlus’ eyes widen.

“How did you know that?” Anderson demanded. “This was classified.”

WHAT!?  Yeah how DID you know that Shepard, that is highly classified stuff.

“The extranet,” he replied

……… “head desk”  He’s asked how he figured out highly classified intelligence…and his response is he used the Mass Effect equivalent of the fucking internet.  Hm…hold on a second “goes to google” oh awesome, I have access to the launch codes to the nuclear football now…and hey, I also have information on Greek Air Force bases.  I only had to use Google maps.  I think I’ll use this information to help design an ARMA game.  Hope nothing bad happens.

Also, may be a bad time to mention this, but I did post the results to my research and how to replicate them on the internet.  So yeah, World War IV should start any day now.

Anyway, moving forward.  Anderson tells Shepard about Humanity wanting a bigger role in galactic politics and the first step to that is getting a Human in the Spectres, Nihlus tongues Shepard’s balls with how awesome he is, nothing too much, although this is worth pointing out.

“I can assume that my one day shore leave on Eden Prime is not going to happen”. John said with a bit of annoyance.

“I’m sorry Shepard I can only give you a few hours at best if that’s okay”.

“A few hours is fine”.

“A few hours leave? The turian is lost here”.

Funny, but unoriginal.  Also I thought it was established earlier that he was already only getting a few hours.  Thankfully he still hasn’t descended into ranting manchild territory, but I’m not letting my guard down just yet.

“I requested Anderson to give me a day’s leave on Eden Prime to see a friend. I promised her mother I’d look after her when she joined the alliance military and I try to keep my promises”.

I…what the…this line is practically ripped right from Parallel Realities!  Shepard in that story would not SHUT THE FUCK UP about how he always keeps his promises, even when he really didn’t!  Granted this Shepard is putting his money where his mouth is a little more, but seeing concepts, scenes and lines ripped out like this is just lazy!

If you’re going to blatantly steal things from people, you should make it things that are worth stealing.  Like their livers.

“Commander I heard that on Torfan that a batarian armed with a knife wounded one of you team mates but you didn’t kill him because he was unarmed. Why is that?”.

” I don’t kill unarmed opponents. It’s part of my fathers honour code that I read when I was young”.

“I thought that humans don’t have honour any more”.

“Some do but others don’t”.

“I like someone with honour I won’t put it on the report”.

“Thanks I appreciate it”.

Again, it’s nice that this guy is actually following through on his moral code, but this is face palm worthy for four reasons.  One, we were just at Torfan and we didn’t see this, and two, if he has a knife THEN HE’S NOT UNARMED!  Three, this shows why the concept of going for non-lethal take downs on missions like Torfan is a stupid idea!

Ah yes, “honor” another one of the countless things that people come up with to make themselves feel more important than they really are.  It’s just a word.

It puts the lives of your own men at stake.  Also four, this came right the fuck out of nowhere.  The only thing separating those two blocks of text is a narration informing us that Nihlus’ mandibles twitched.

Then we cut to the message about Eden Prime getting attacked, which is mostly canon with the exception of Shepard being worried about Ashley (understandable) and then we get…this

“Geth” Shepard said.

“How can that be the Geth. They haven’t been seen outside the veil in over 200 years”.

“I received a message saying that the Geth have emerged. But the message was not addressed it was sent by an unknown”.

“That’s disturbing commander. Why did you not report it?” Anderson said with concern.

“You know how famous I am. My e-mail address is common knowledge. So I get a lot of fan mail, hoaxes and ….” Shepard’s cheeks went a little red. “Marriage proposal’s. I tend to skim through them however when I got the message of the Geth returning I just assumed it was a joke but this conforms it. The message was not a hoax but the strangest thing was that it was not sent by the shadow broker”.

This made all 3 fall silent. Shepard could only guess who sent it. What he had not told them was that the message was in tiberian. His language, his people who he thought had died. But what concerned him the most was that if his people are dead then he is the last tiberian. But there was always the possibility of one of the other races of the Joint Federal Union sending the message he may never know.

…. “head desk” Jesus H Christ.  First of all, I’m pretty sure E-mail address aren’t used in the late 22nd century, that’s kind of an internet thing, they use the extranet now.  Secondly why the flying fuck did you say it wasn’t from the Shadow Broker?  How do you plan on proving that, and how is that relevant?  Third, how come the Union is sending him messages, practically confirming that they still exist, BUT THEY WON’T GO GET HIM!?  (Derp Counter: 6)  Finally, and most importantly, WHAT IS THE POINT OF HIM GETTING THAT MESSAGE!?

Hell if I know, I mess around and don’t do the thing that would allow me to solve my problems quickly because I think it’s fun.

Though I suppose I can’t blame him for not reporting it, anonymous resources aren’t very reliable.

So I guess I can’t say that Shepard is stupid right now.  Just that the writing and the Union is.  After that they gear up and head down to the surface, ending chapter 4.  Ok, taking bets, will our OP protagonist save Jenkins and Nihlus?  Yea or nay?

He’ll probably let Jenkins live and Nihlus die, because then he’ll be properly ripping off InHarmsWay.

Now then, before I sign off I imagine some of you are sick to death about me ranting on over how sexist this is, some of you might even be saying that I’m overreacting.  This is understandable considering that sexism is a hot topic in the modern gaming industry, and some people are sick of it, me included most of the time.  I can appreciate that, but please stick with me till next time, because there you will see why I can’t let this go.  Most sexism arguments delve into the gray and grey, but in my opinion, this is a little too clear cut to just ignore.

(Also, did you like Goeth?  Tell me if I should keep him in or not.)


12 Comments on “421: From Another World – Chapters 3 & 4”

  1. erttheking says:

    FYI the next chapter has Goeth much more well integrated, and I’ll keep bringing him back if he ends up being liked enough. Also on a side note, I think I messed up with the text under the brain. Goeth says sack instead of smack. Derp

  2. HerrWozzeck's Phone says:

    Well, don’t forget with the whole “dozen thresher maws” bit that it actually took InHarmsWay a lot longer to mention that: we had to wait three chapters for that information. At least EclipsePheniox had the good sense to establish that immediately.

    And it also makes me happy that this Shepard actually frickin’ ACTS like a Paragon Shep would. Thank goodness I don’t have to deal with him bitching about everything he hates every two scenes…

    • erttheking says:

      Wouldn’t get too comfortable if I were you. I have a pretty bad feeling about this. Actually I think they both got mentioned around the same scene.

      • HerrWozzeck's Phone says:

        Well, I also say that after having read ahead a bit. I will say this: at least EclipsePheniox doesn’t use his character to pick fights with whomever he has a hate boner for.

  3. TacoMagic says:

    “SIR MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE NORMAL SENTENCES TO MAKE THE SHOUTING STAND OUT.”

    Best part of the whole riff, right there.

  4. If you’re going to blatantly steal things from people, you should make it things that are worth stealing. Like their livers.

    I am intrigued by your philosophy and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

  5. SC says:

    “He fort against an entire blahblahblah”

    Riddle me ree… How does one “fort” an entire battle force?

  6. *rubs forehead and sighs*

    The same idiotic mistake as the previous story. I’m not talking about Shep being an OP Stu. I’m talking about a lore fuckup.

    The Batarian military did NOT ATTACK ELYSIUM AND WAS NOT ON TORFAN. Those were pirates, slavers, and mercs from all over the galaxy.

    The Blitz wasn’t even aren’t by the Hegemony. It was done by Elanus Haliat, a turian pirate leader. Its pretty idiotic to believe that it was ALL Batarian soldiers who attacked Elysium and were on Torfan. As you see in the games, Batarians are only a fraction of the merc population (though most of the slavers). There were Asari, Turain, Salarian, Krogan, and probably even some human mercs who attacked Elysium.

    And Torfan was a PIRATE moon. Not a Hegemony military base.

    Wanna know why the blitz was a massacre? Because mercs aren’t half as well-trained or have the resources of actual military.

    It just pisses me off how they blame the blitz and Torfan on Batarian military.


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