298: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Four, Part One

Title: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution
Author: DragonKnightRyu
Media: Anime / Manga / Book / Movie
Topic: Naruto / Harry Potter
Genre: Fantasy / Adventure / Cross-Over
URL: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Four
Critiqued by Lyle
Submitted by Mr. Rofapofagus

Salutations!  Last week we finished up the third chapter of the mind-boggling Naruto/Harry Potter cross-over known as SW:R.  Harry-Sue paid for everyone’s school things and punched Malfoy in the gut.  We discovered that Naruto and our author Ryu can also wield the powers of magic, even though there was never any indication that they are anything except for shinobi.  Also, there’s no mention of Number Eight Fruit Tree-sensei getting to learn magic, even though he’s supposed to be a jonin and you would think a jonin would be interested in furthering his ninja ability.  But, you know, this is a horrible cross-over fanfic written by a guy in love with a female version of Harry Potter, so… I guess you can’t put much stock into what’s written.

Chapter four is titled “Hogwarts Express and Sorting.”  Considering DKR’s ability to accurately title his chapters, I’m guessing we’re going to spend this section on the train before we watch the members of Team Stu get sorted into Gryffindor.  In any other fic, I’d make bets on the author spelling the house name incorrectly, but DKR does seem to be able to spell canon names.  It’s one of the few things he’s got going for him and, for that, I’m quite grateful.

That said, get your tickets ready!  The fail train is now boarding!

Disclaimer: Do Harry I Naruto Not Potter Own Or

*headdesk*  I’m not touching that.

We start the chapter with a brief description of Harry-Sue, Ryu, and Ron waking up.  They express their displeasure at being awoken so early but Ron says they have to catch the train so there’s no helping it.

It had been two months since the Diagon Alley trip and since then the Shinobi had been training in the Weasley’s back yard with the occasional spectator, they had awed the Weasley’s when they had a sparring match against their sensei, even though they had lost miserably they still gave it their all. Over the next two months they had learned tree and water walking and Hachi had assigned them each a task for them to do over the course of the school year, they were each to develop a jutsu, whether it was ninjutsu, genjutsu, fuinjutsu, or the basics for a new taijutsu style. it was completely up to them on what they did. So in their spare time during training they were each developing different theories on a technique or style they could create.

I think our author may be learning to write sentences!  There’s actually three periods in that block of text!

For those not versed in “Naruto Universe,” the references to tree and water walking is referring to ninja techniques where a shinobi fuses the soles of their feet to a surface to walk up it/on it (“tree” is actually a misnomer because you can use it to climb up anything from buildings to cliffs to trees to whatever).  Walking on water is a similar process but a little more advanced.  It’s pretty standard ninja stuff so there’s nothing out of the ordinary in them learning it at this stage in their training.

Jade groaned as she slipped into her civvies “Dammit, I’m so used to wearing my kunoichi outfit,” she complained “I just can’t get used to civvies.”

*blink*  Your kunoichi outfit, if I remember correctly, is a yukata, which is Japanese civilian (civvie) clothing.  You don’t get the standard issue flak-jacket outfit until you reach chunin.  Genin typically wear whatever they want since they’re just “baby ninja” anyway.

Ryu chuckled as he put on his own clothes “Now you understand my problem with Formal Kimonos and robes.” He shot back grinning at her weak glare.

Again… she was wearing a yukata.  This:

Really, this is not a good ninja outfit to begin with…

A pair of Levi’s and some Nike’s would be a vast improvement in mobility.

“Careful Hisanaga,” she warned “I hold the power of cuddling over you.”

*hurf*  Why must there be some reference to their relationship every chapter?  I guess they’re still in the “honeymoon” phase of their little lovie dovie crap.  *sigh*

Ron laughed at the pair, he had grown used to their little quirks and interactions that to others would seem completely insane “C’mon,” he said getting their attention “I’d rather not have my mom shouting at us.”

I don’t find it insane.  I find it disturbing and gross.  And if Mom is in her Sybil mode, I can’t say that I blame Ron for wanting to stay on her good side.

We get a brief description of everyone getting ready to leave and them piling into the car.  It’s fairly dry so I’ll spare you the details.  Arthur suggests they put the car into flying mode but Molly/Sybil shoots down the idea instantly.  This is pretty well straight out of the book.

Arthur cringed but relented anyways, by the time they made to the station they were running behind and Molly quickly explained how to get into the station Nine and Three Quarters. “There’s some kind of illusion over it,” Jade observed as they saw Ron and Percy enter only for a sudden crowd to block their line of sight “No clue as to the source, I’m also having difficulty dispelling it.”

Of course Harry-Sue can tell there’s an enchantment on it.  She’s a sue.

You know what we’re missing from this whole thing?  The reactions of the shinobi to cars.  I think the author has overlooked something incredibly important here.  In the world of Naruto, they have electricity and things like television.  Do you know what they don’t have?  Cars.  There are trains (in the first movie, at least) so perhaps that has something to do with their lack of surprise at the train station, but you would think we’d get something about their lack of knowledge of cars.

That said, I’m bothered by Jade’s use of the term “dispel.”  Ninja do not “dispel” things.  They “release” them.  Although living with wizards, she could have picked up the term “dispel” I suppose so I’ll let that slide for now.

Ryu and Naruto nodded in understanding and Naruto followed Arthur and entered platform nine and three quarters followed closely by Jade and Ryu. Having closed his eyes out of reflex Ryu opened them to see a steam engine like train along with a massive throng of people crowded around the compartments loading up their things “Hurry you guys it’ll be leaving soon!” Percy shouted to the surprised Shinobi.

“A steam engine like train?”  Seriously?  It’s not a “like” thing.  It is a steam engine.

Also, as there are no trains in Konoha, and these three have never left the village  before now, how they would know what a steam engine looked like at all.  I mentioned that there are such things as trains in the Naruto Universe but they’re not wide spread or commonly used.

Anyway, they ask Number Eight if he’s coming, too, but he says he’ll show up later to give them time to settle into their new school.  Meh, whatever.  Then…

The three students waved in acknowledgement as the train began to speed up before they closed the door and followed Ron and Ginny in a search for an empty room “Guys over here!” Hermione shouted from the next compartment catching their attention “There some space over here!”

…When did they get on the train?  Last time we were given any description, they were still standing on the platform with Arthur, Molly, and Number Eight.

Anyway, they find a compartment with Neville and all sit down; Jade is on Ryu’s lap, naturally, because that’s the only thing she ever sits on.  It’s impossible for her ass to touch a chair.  This is bound to make the term interesting.  I would imagine learning magic is difficult when someone is sitting on you all the flippin’ time.

Hermione asks how their summer went.

“Good enough I suppose,” Jade answered with a small shrug while Ryu wrapped his arms around her waist “Hachi-sensei drove us hard for the last month, actually giving us assignments for while we’re at Hogwarts.”

How dare your mentor give you homework.  Boo hoo.

“He wants us to create a new jutsu or taijutsu style!” Naruto exclaimed with a groan “The only thing I can think of is creating a style based around the Kage Bunshin.”

Then do it, you dolt.  There’s nothing wrong with using another jutsu as a basis for your own, unique technique.  That’s how Kakashi got the Chidori and, alter, the Raikiri.  He tried to add lightning to a form of the Rasengan and, BAM, one unique ninjutsu followed by an evolved form of that ninjutsu.

Jade giggled at the blond “I’m making a genjutsu,” she added “And I suppose I’ll get plenty of chances to test it out with all the unsuspecting civilians at the school.”

Yes, let’s use “Fuck with your head” jutsu on wizarding children.  Good call, Jade McAsshat.

Ryu grinned and rolled his eyes “I’ll be combining Fuinjutsu and Raiton Ninjutsu to increase the speed of my electrical impulses along my nervous system,” he explained “problem is that it hurts like a bitch to do that, chakra cost is enormous, and I could potentially fry my nervous system, which is where seals come in.”

*blink blink*  DO IT!  Maybe you’ll sizzle up like a strip of bacon and this fic will finally get a little interesting.  I fail to see what that technique will do, besides cause you to twitch uncontrollably like an epileptic goat.

Are we almost done with this conversation yet?  I’m getting very bored.

Anyway, so Neville is very confused and Hermione asks if it’s okay if they tell him who they are.

Naruto waved it off “It’s alright,” he reassured “Dumbledore-sensei said he’d announce it anyways, and better tell him about Jade and get it over with.”

Well, at least no one is there incognito, I suppose.  *rolls eyes*  I’m guessing that the student body being told about the ninja in their midst is merely a device the author is using to write more “We are totally showing off our awesome ninja skills because we’re awesome!” scenes.

Jade nodded in agreement “Well, first off the three of us are Shinobis,” she explained “From what we understand is that we are from a pocket dimension connected to yours, and we, unlike wizards, combine the physical energies and spiritual energies we give off naturally to create what’s called Chakra, wizards use only the spiritual side through the use of your wands,” she took a breath before continuing “I am originally from here in Britain actually, my hime was attack by a dark wizard when I was one year old and my mom used what is apparently a forbidden spell sacrificing herself to send me to another dimension, which just so happened to be the pocket dimension, I`m sure you can figure out who exactly I am.”

Time to play “How many times can the author write out the same thing to explain the situation to another character?”  Seriously… a brief, “Jade outlined the situation” would have done the exact same thing without the dreary repetition of reading – again – the plot of this stupid story.

“Apparently,” it explains my scar slightly “But don’t treat me any differently than if I wasn’t, because frankly I just don’t give a damn.”

Uhm… what’s with the sudden thing between the dialogue?  Is she thinking that?  Did she mean to say it?  Is the author breaking the 4th wall to tell us that he has a scar and that this story is the only plausible explanation for said scar?

“To scout out the possibilities of a remote branch of a Ninja Academy within Hogwarts, exchanging knowledge pretty much,” Ryu explained “That and Jade wanted to learn more about her parents.”

Sending three inexperienced ninja to open a new school for shinobi seems like a good idea, don’t you think?  *skeptical brow raise*

Also, I’m pretty sure that everyone in the school will be able to double as ninja since the author seems to go by the law that shinobi and wizards are interchangeable.  Otherwise, why would the male portion of Team Stu have been able to pick out wands?

So, Neville is about to reply when he’s interrupted by the arrival of Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle.  There’s a few insults exchanged between Draco and Jade, then:

Ryu, Naruto and Ron roared in laughter while Malfoy growled “Listen wrench-” He began only to freeze when Ryu appeared in front of him suddenly.

No, you listen, Circular Saw!

There’s some threatening between Draco and Ryu that only serves to try to make Ryu look more badass.  It ends with Jade, Naruto, and Ryu holding kunai to various parts of Draco’s anatomy.  *yawn*

Malfoy audibly gulped before beating a hasty retreat while Jade slammed the door shut before resuming her previous position on Ryu’s lap. Ryu chuckled when he heard her yawn “Get some sleep tenshi(1),” he whispered in her ear “I’ll wake you when we get near.”


*wipes away a couple of tears*  Oh dear, that’s wonderful.

Okay, so “Tenchi” is a Japanese name that means “Heaven and Earth.”  It is also a strictly male name.  DKR is not very good with Japanese, or with Google, apparently.

They eventually arrive at Hogsmeade station and take the carriage rides to the castle.  It’s all very boring so I’ll keep things brief.  When they arrive, they’re greeted by McGonagall.

“Excuse me are you three the transfers?” a stern looking women asked approaching “Please follow me, you are to wait outside of the Great Hall until we call for you.”

“We need time to set up the smoke machines and strobe lights that will inevitably accompany your dynamic entrance.”

McGonagall takes the first years into the Great Hall while Harry-Sue, DKR Ryu and Naruto wait in the shadows.  There’s a scene change next that takes us into the sorting ceremony but I’m going to save that for next week.

The good news is that we are halfway through this chapter!  Only… five and a half chapters and an “Author’s Note” left!  *fist pump*  Yosh!

8 Comments on “298: Shinobi & Wizards: Resolution – Chapter Four, Part One”

  1. Herr Wozzeck says:

    *hurf* Why must there be some reference to their relationship every chapter? I guess they’re still in the “honeymoon” phase of their little lovie dovie crap.

    I notice this as a trademark of authors who can’t write for shit and have a romance in their story, actually: they tend to think we don’t get it, so they like to rub it in our face at every opportunity.

    Trust me, I’d know: Parallel Realities falls into that trap eventually.

  2. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Anyway, they ask Number Eight if he’s coming, too, but he says he’ll show up later to give them time to settle into their new school.

    Oh good, we don’t have to deal with Mr. Useless for a certain period of time. That’s something of a relief.

  3. Mr. Rofapofagus says:

    “Why must there be some reference to their relationship every chapter?”

    Becayse DKR is so deep in the closet that he’s actually in Narnia. In fact, I’m sure he has to remind even himself that yes, he is in fact straight. This is why pretty much every story has him porking the now gender-flipped main protagonist, no matter how awkward, weird, vile, and disturbing it is.

    In fact, if you want to projectile vomit, check out the author’s Gundam stories.

  4. Mr. Rofapofagus says:

    Also, you might want to reread this segment:

    “Ryu chuckled when he heard her yawn ‘Get some sleep tenshi(1),’ he whispered in her ear ‘I’ll wake you when we get near.'”

    He said Tenshi, not Tenchi.Coincidentally, last I checked I’m pretty sure Tachibana is a legit Japanese surname.

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