228: Control – Chapter Fourteen, Part Two

Title: Control
Author: Jckash03 (Now permanently referred to as Jackass)
Media: Television / Movie
Topic: Dragon Ball Z
Genre: Suspense / Romance
URL: Control – Chapter Fourteen
Critiqued by Lyle
Submitted by Blessed8be

Hello again!  Welcome back to chapter fourteen of the DBZ fic called “Control” where nothing seems to make a whole lot of fucking sense.  At.  All.  Especially with regards to canon.  Double-especially with regards to real-life happenings like crime investigation.  Let’s sum-up what we saw during the first half of this chapter then we’ll move along.

Gohan has a hissy-fit about having to raise his brother and take care of his mom, thus preventing – in his mind – him from being able to achieve his full potential.  Nevermind that he has a Ph.D.  They totally held him back.  Trunks meets with Mr. Officer, who probably hails from the same CSI training as Mr. Khaki Suit for how well he knows how to do his job.  Trunks denies knowing anything about the death of Marron but later admits to Bulma that he did kill her.  This has no effect on Bulma but to berate her son and daughter – who is absent from this conversation – for ruining Bulma and Vegeta’s marriage.  The fic officially turns into a poorly scripted episode of “Days of Our Lives.”  All we need now is for someone to fall into a coma for a few chapters and miraculously pull through, falling madly in love with their doctor, who just happens to be their sister’s husband’s more attractive twin brother.  And he’ll talk with an Australian accent for not reason but because it’s “hawt.”

Chapter Fourteen, Part Two: A Family Torn, A Couple Reunited

Well, we covered the “Family Torn” part during the last installment.  I’m guessing we’re going to hit “Couple Reunited” today.  That’s logic!

We start things off back at the Son household where Gohan has a bone to pick with Goku about Bra visiting months ago before Videl died.  Goku is, for some reason, on the roof of the house.  I guess he’s probably star-gazing because there’s a description of the sky behind him, but it doesn’t actually say what he’s doing up there.

“Why didn’t you tell me Bra had come here?” Gohan demanded, a stern tone in his voice that Goku didn’t recognize.

Because it wasn’t important at the time?  Since when have you needed to know the every move of a 13-year-old girl?  I have the feeling Harry is going to get a lot of use today.  *hefts book*

“Uh.. I guess it wasn’t that important?” He replied with a bell-tone confusion that almost rang its usual innocence to Gohan. But he couldn’t take chances now.

What the hell is a “bell-tone confusion?”  You’re not Shakespeare, Jackass.  Stop trying to make things up.

That aside, I have to agree with Goku on this one.  It wasn’t that important for Gohan to know who visits his parents when the visit is innocuous like Bra’s was.

“Bullshit. It was important enough for Mom to tell me. I didn’t think my own father would keep something like that from me.”

*SMACK!*  She told you five fucking minutes ago, you Asshat.  Do you realize how idiotic you sound right now, Gohan?  Take a chill pill.  It wasn’t important enough to mention at the time because you weren’t having pedophillic thoughts about her at the time.

Goku chuckled, “Son, I don’t understand what’s gotten into you! Is this one of those prank shows?”

Bwa?  Goku is fairly child-like and oblivious at times but I’m not sure that he’d react this way if his son was having some sort of conniption fit.

“I don’t quite get it, Gohan,” He started softly, earning a glare from Gohan’s obsidian eyes, one very reminiscent of ChiChi’s every time she got frustrated at Goku’s forgetful antics.

“Neither do I. Why you wouldn’t tell me something that should have no significance, right?”

I am so confused right now.  This is supposed to be gripping dialogue?  Did Gohan just agree with Goku while trying to disagree with Goku?  My head hurts.

Goku fell silent, the reasons for his omission flashing through his mind like a bad dream.

“So she got to you too, did she?”

What?  We never saw Goku when Bra came to visit.  It was just Chi-Chi there.  Is  Gohan now implying that Goku has been having dirty thoughts about Bra?  Excuse me for sec…

*HURF!*

Ugh…

Seriously?  Goku is only about five years younger than Bra’s father, Vegeta…

*HURF!*

I’m going to need more sickness bags.

Goku denies it and Gohan waves it off, saying he “knows how she is.”  They then share an awkward silence.

Gohan then decided to break it,”But how could you do this to Mom?”

Do what to mom?  Have inappropriate thoughts about a teenager?  Unlike you, Mr. Pedophile McAsshat, Goku hasn’t acted on any of his icky, squicky feelings.  Fantasizing about someone else does not a cheater make.  Jackass is very out-of-touch with the real world and is going to be in for a real shock when she realizes things don’t work the way she thinks they do.

Anyway, Goku denies any accusations again but Gohan is apparently trying to get an award for overacting and keeps on the same vein.

“I always thought, just like everyone else did, that you were perfect. That no one could tempt you or trick you to go to the other side, the side that HURTS people you love. Then again, you did abandon us not more than a few decades ago. This seems to be no different. Except.. This time you can’t disguise it as sacrifice.”

*SMACK!* Goku was dead, you asshole!

And there’s no sacrifice being made because Goku hasn’t done anything wrong at this point!  What the hell is going on in that pea-sized brain of yours, Gohan?  Goku hasn’t cheated on Chi-Chi.

Goku starts to interject but Gohan has completely lost it.

“Oh wait! You can say it is sacrifice. You sacrificed my respect, and the future respect of my mother, for just a mere moment of heat with Vegeta’s daughter.”

What the fuck are you talking about, Gohan?

*SMACK SMACK SMACK*

The men in the white coats with the “hug-me” jacket will be showing up shortly to take you away.  It’s obvious you’ve cracked, Gohan, and need some special help.

Anyway, Goku finally manages a full sentence.

“And you’re any better?”

“No, but at least I waited until I lost everything by myself.”

Again… Goku hasn’t. done. anything. wrong.  Where in the world Jackass gets the idea that thinking naughty thoughts about someone is the equivalent of snogging them is beyond me.  Despite the fact that I’m miffed about both Videl and Mr. Satan dying, I’m kind of hoping someone offs Bra soon so I don’t have to read any more shit about how much everyone wants to bone her and she’s so pretty etc etc ad nauseam hurf-hurf-hurf.

*starts a picket line*  Occupy Fic!  We’re not movin’ until the girl gets it!

Moving right along…

Chi-Chi calls through the window to ask what’s going on out there since they’ve been taking forever to come back inside.  Gohan stomps away like a six-year-old after a tantrum, telling Goku that he’s going to be leaving now and to not expect to ever see him again.  Catastrophization, anyone?  Geesh.

The overly dramatic exit Gohan takes is completely ruined by the fact that Jackass forgot her <hr> tag, giving us this unbroken series of paragraphs.

Despite Goku’s expression of shameful desperation penetrating into Gohan’s memory forever, he took off into the midnight sky, wishing there was at least one place, one person for him to go to.

“Who the hell was that, woman?”

As it turns out, it’s not someone asking a random woman who is flying away.  Vegeta is talking to Bulma.  She tells him it was Chi-Chi.  They were communicating in some way, but it’s never explained what method they were using to do so.  I’m going to imagine they were using semaphore flags.

Anyway, Chi-Chi has told Bulma that Gohan has run away due to the tornado accident from months ago (although the tornado isn’t actually mentioned here, they just refer to it in that vague “an accident” type way because Bra’s parents never asked the “how” behind the resulting “injury.”)  Vegeta’s response to this information?

“Hmpf. The half-breed idiot should know that Bra has a father do to the worrying.”

Transposed words aside… really, Vegeta?  Until recently, you didn’t take an ounce of interest in your daughter’s well-being.

Bulma worries about her marriage since Vegeta is becoming increasingly grouchy about his life, then:

Of all people, no one would have said that they would have happened, but she thought that maybe because it was so spontaneous, it would last.

Because we all know that spontaneity is a real indicator of things that will withstand the trials of time.  *shakes head*  This is what happens with people watch too many chick-flicks.

“I’m sorry things are horrible, Vegeta, but do you really have to be such a jerk?”

Newsflash, Bulma.  You’re talking to Vegeta.  That name practically translates into “jerk” in the DBZ universe.

Closing her eyes, she turned her back to her irritable husband, guilt washing over her as she realized it was mainly her fault that he didn’t end up the way that he had wanted to all along.

*SMACK!*

No!  Bad Bulma!  You do not blame yourself for someone elses’ shortcomings.  Vegeta is a grown man; he has made all his own decisions and it is those decisions – and those decisions alone – that have lead his life to this point in time.  Not only should Bra be receiving therapy, I think Bulma needs to go, too.

Anyway, Bulma snaps at him that if he hates it there so much, he should just leave since that used to be his response before he decided to actually take responsibility for his family.  She expects him to go and is surprised when he hugs her instead.  The short of it is he tells her he’s in for the long haul and she breaks down into hysterical sobs.  Snuggle, snuggle, snuggle, reassurance, lame joke about the children being his fault, snuggle, inference of sexy-times, scene change.

Bra is sitting in her living room with Bulma and Vegeta.  Bulma has said the first intellegent thing she’s said in a while:

“Bra, we know you’ve had a tough time going from public school, to girls’ school, so we won’t be sending you to school again.”

They’re pulling her out of a formal school setting and they’re going to home school her.  Bulma won’t be doing it herself, though, and has hired an outside party to do the teaching.

“So I have recruited a little… assistance,” Added her father, the brick hitting her hope back down her throat as her proceeding instructor walked toward her and held out his hand with an emotionless expression.

“Hello Bra. I’m usually called by 17 around here, but you will address me as Shokken.”

Welcome to the wonderful world of using the internet to find words in another language.

“Shokken” is a few things.  The appropriate word choice is not one of them.  Roughly, the word shokken can be used to indicate authority.  It is also the name of a large, Japan-based corporation that deals in exotic spices.  Additionally, shokken can translate to “meal ticket.”  I’m guessing the author thought it would be a good choice due to the ‘authority’ association.  However, for a teacher, it is not appropriate at all.

Just a heads up, Jackass, the word you want is “Sensei” which means – surprise, surprise – “teacher.”

Now that I’ve addressed that part, I’ll add just a note for those confused by the name of the character.  Do you remember Marron’s mom, 18?  17 is her brother and another android.  He’s died and been brought back quite a few times, too.  At one point, he was eaten by giant green alien.  Fun times.

We’re treated to another author’s note at the end of this chapter that starts with this lovely bit of maniacal laughter:

Bwahaha. .

cliffy!

haven’t had alot of them, hm ?

i’ll be nice next chapter.

i’m nice because there WILL be a next chapter.

how about that ?

[unless people don’t review.]

ahhh, empty threat. it joys me enough to be writing this, even to an empty audience.

Eight sentences, and each one has at least one thing incorrect with it.  *headdesk*

So, even if no one reviews her story, she’ll keep updating it?  Way to fill the internet with suck, Jackass.

i mighttttt update by thanksgiving, my treat instead of turkey .

ciao!

Waiter, please take this back.  I ordered the turkey and got crap instead.

That’s all for this installment!  Come back next time when we’ll take care of chapter 15.  Ta!


2 Comments on “228: Control – Chapter Fourteen, Part Two”

  1. Herr Wozzeck says:

    Chapter 15’s gonna be short, right? ‘Cause I think you could totally use the coming break.


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