Hello once more, wonderous Patrons!
In the last pile of ponderous nothing I laid before you, not much happened. There was more conversation between Edward, Carlisle, and Rose – now with the added “excitement” of Anna-Bella, who probably still has no idea what’s going on. There was then a mid-chapter jump over to James (Transitions? What are those?) who impulsively decided to rummage through the attic and pulled out a few fragments of Edward’s back story that I’m still having trouble believing. There was then yet another unexplained hop over to Jack, where the Magic Alice Ball predicted an attack by Alaskan “wolfs”, prompting the clan of supernaturally strong sparklepires (who have plenty of time to set up a defense and nearly unlimited resources to throw into the project) to run away like scared children.
If the fic follows formula, this chapter will either pick up exactly where the last one ended, or there will be a sudden and unexplained scene shift to another location and/or character.
Welcome once more, dear Patrons, to another chapter of Twilight/Titanic … stuff.
In the last chapter the audience was treated to a brief glimpse into the head of James, Edward’s doppelgänger who just happens to be his grandson and the stepbrother of Rose’s ex-fiance. It was the typical “I’m not one of you!” sort of stuff, and not very memorable. The narration abruptly switched from first-person to third-person (because reasons, I guess) and then skipped over to where Rose was having awkward conversation with Edward and Carlisle in her apartment. Edward pumps her for information about James, but she tells them about James’ father instead. She then somehow deduces that they are “Vampires” even though they haven’t done anything that would cause her to suspect that they are somehow otherworldly and then tricks Carlisle into confirming this by spinning a little story about how her father was killed in the woods and she was saved by a wolf. They then reveal that Jack is a sparklepire now, causing Rose to faint just as a dark-haired woman opens the door.
Now, on to the chapter!
I’m back with another chapter of disaster, dear Patrons. Before we move on to the next chapter, let’s go over the highlights from our last dip into failure’s fondue pot.
There was that irritating Author’s Note that finally informed the audience that this AU fic is – surprise, surprise – an AU fic. Edward and Carlisle arrived in New York, Edward ran off after some guy who looked like him that he saw at the train station and Carlisle headed to the office of a doctor he knows who tended to some of the survivors. There was a rather pointless scene where Edward, who is still following the guy from the station, runs into the cafe where Anna-Bella (who is now officially Bella) works, sits for a minute, and then leaves. Carlisle finds out that Rose is pregnant and then runs into her as he is leaving the doctor’s office. She freaks out and takes off, but he easily catches her and they have a heart-to-heart in a park. Edward arrives at the park somehow and Rose mistakes him for someone named James, who is likely the lookalike he was following earlier.
The chapter begins with yet another Author’s Note, this one informing the audience that there are no Volturi in the fic. I don’t know why the audience is being informed of this now; so far there haven’t been any penguins in the fic either and that fact hasn’t rated a pointless Author’s Note.
Clearly the author is an anti-penguinite.
Well, I’m back with another chapter of utter wrongness, cherished Patrons. In case you missed the last chapter, let me give you the highlights.
It’s been two months since the sinking and Rose is now a waitress in New York City living with a faceless girl named Anna, whom I believe to be a Bella clone. After complaints of nausea, not to uncommon given the sanitation standards of the day, Rose and Anna-Bella go to a doctor to confirm (somehow) that Rose is pregnant. The fic then skips across the country to Jack, who is moping about in a sparkle-funk because he’s worried about Rose. Carlisle agrees to go check on Rose to get Jack to stop starving himself, telling him that he may be able to see her in seven months. Carlisle then decides to take Edward with him to New York, even though he whines during the entire two-week trip.
Topic: Chronicles of Narnia/Twilight
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome back to the Library.
*wipes his forehead *
Believe me, I’m also really relieved that I am done with Parallel Realities. Seriously, that fic was so shitty that it was incredible how bad it was. That it gathered the following it did is even crazier, if you ask me. But whatever, it’s done now, and now I can move to other things.
And the first thing we’re going to move on to? Why, it’s one of the creepiest fanfics I’ve ever read! And it’ll also be the first time I’ve ever snarked at a Twilight fanfic, too! And oh yeah, let’s not forget about Narnia, that too. Yep, it’s a fic about the Pevensies, with a specific focus on Lucy Pevensie. Huh… I don’t know if I should be charmed of frightened by the prospect of Lucy Pevensie getting along really well with Edward Cullen. That’s… uh… yeah.
So let’s get to it, shall we?