Everybody do the last chapter dance! Woo-hoo!
:flails around wildly like Kermit the Frog:
I was considering dividing this chapter up since I thought it was too long for a single riff, so imagine my surprise when I checked the word count and discovered that the chapter is less than twenty-five hundred words long. It just feels like it goes on forever.
In the last chapter, after building up the temple robbery over multiple chapters and forcing the audience to endure a monotonous dinner with Munchkin where he did everything but hand the treasure over to AbR, the actual robbery takes maybe a minute and is only made possible by a convoluted series of coincidences that would be nearly impossible to plan for. After rushing through the flight back to what I assume is America in a few sentences, the chapter ends with AbR getting a phone call from Alice/Michelle and then falling alseep in bed.
There is a brief Author’s Note where the author begs for more reviews, but there’s nothing really interesting about it so I’m not going to include it here.
And now we continue on with Chapter 6 (or 9), which is titled The Gift.
Hello, my sweet Patrons! Are you ready to get to the exciting conclusion of Chapter 5 or 8? First, let’s recap what happened in the beginning of the chapter; AbR made a dinner date with Munchkin, found a gangster named Godbole whom she instantly trusts for no damned reason to help her in her scheme, and now we’re all caught up.
The pacing of this fic has been about as slow and plodding as a club-footed turtle, but things promise to pick up speed after the shark-jump dinner date. Speaking of the dinner date from Hell, let’s jump on in!
We are fast approaching the end of A burning Rose, dear Patrons; even though the author claims on her bio page that she’s written up to “chapter 13 or 14″, there are only six (or nine) chapters listed on ff.net because she prefers to write longhand. (Thank the gods for small blessings.) She hasn’t updated any of her fics since the end of April, so it might be a while before we are subjected to this fic’s full glory. Sadly this particular chapter is so frickin’ long I’ve had to divide it up into more manageable bites.
There is a brief Author’s Note at the beginning of this chapter that touches on the lag in transcription:
Hello there, peoplezz, Keisha’s back! I’m soorrrrrry I didn’t update this so long, but I seriously didn’t get around to it. I don’t like sitting in front of my computer and typing my story on word. It’s hard work to stay focused on typing it all exactly the way I wrote it first….. Anyways on with the story!
According to the author’s own bio, she already has these chapters written down – she needs only to transcribe them. It’s pure donkey-work and can be quite boring, but it’s all part of being a writer. It’s kinda like owning that pony every little girl asks Santa for; in order to enjoy the fun stuff, you have to deal with some unpleasant shit.
Welcome back, beloved Patrons! I’m here today with Chapter 7 or 4 of A burning Rose. (Clearly the author has a problem with numbering things.) What happened last time? Well, not much.
Our fearless thief AbR is flying to India to steal valuables from a temple in a misguided attempt to “give back” something to the poor of the area as well as “testing” the abilities of the agent in charge of her case. About an hour into the flight a man asks to sit beside AbR since a woman having a heart attack took his seat. This poor woman is never referenced again, so I assume she died and was fed to the First Class passengers as an amuse-bouche. This man, to absolutely no one’s surprise, turns out to be Edward Cullen (A.K.A. Munchkin) the detective (who is really a FBI agent) in charge of the investigations. AbR retreats to the bathroom only a few feet away, makes a phone call, and panics a bit before heading back to her seat.
Like previous chapters, this one picks up exactly where the previous chapter left off; the entire fic reads like one exceptionally long chapter that was broken into smaller pieces. The title, “Chapter4A interesting flight” is nothing but a great, big lie – there is nothing interesting about this flight.
Title: A burning Rose
Media: Book / Movie
Genre: AU / Crime / Adventure
URL: A burning Rose – Chapter… Six? Chapter Three, Part Two?
Critiqued by Ghostcat
Good [insert current time of day here], Patrons! Welcome back to the maze of confusion that is called A burning Rose. Not much happened in the last chapter; AbR delivered the gems she stole, she found out that a new “Inspector” is in charge of investigating her many crimes, her friend Michelle/Alice came over to play dress-up, and then AbR left for India. That’s about it. If there’s one good thing about riffing a pointlessly dull fic, it’s that the chapter summaries are easy to do.
This chapter begins with another Author’s Note, but it’s more of the same “don’t blame me for the bad spelling because English isn’t my first language” stuff that we saw back in the Preview/Prologue so I don’t think I’ll include it here. I will say that the author’s spelling is actually better than what I’ve found in some of the fics that were written by English-speaking authors. (Of course, that bar is set pretty low.) That doesn’t excuse the failure of a plot, though.