435: Parallel Realities – Chapter Forty-Eight, Part Three (The Grand Finale!)
Posted: April 18, 2013 | Author: Herr Wozzeck | Filed under: Mass Effect, Parallel Realities | Tags: AU, Crazy Ass-Author, Herr Wozzeck, Mass Effect, Romance, Supernatural, Video Game | 18 Comments »Title: Parallel Realities
Author: InHarmsWay
Media: Video Game
Topic: Mass Effect
Genre: Supernatural/Romance/AU
URL: Parallel Realities: Chapter 48
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to this installment of Parallel Realities. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I think you’ll be relieved to hear that we will finally be done with this ass fest today.
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen: today is the last installment of Parallel Realities!
Yep, it’s been a long time coming, but we are finally here today to say “yay, we survived”! So let’s get going, shall we? We’ve got a terrible fanfic to finish!
422: A CAVE Story Unabriged – One Shot
Posted: March 27, 2013 | Author: TacoMagic | Filed under: A CAVE Story Unabriged, Cave Story | Tags: Cave Story, Crazy Ass-Author, Humor, Parody, TacoMagic, Video Game | 18 Comments »Title: A CAVE Story Unabriged
Author: BlueRetroPenguin
Media: Video Game
Topic: Cave Story
Genre: Humor/Parody
URL: A CAVE Story Unabriged
Critiqued by TacoMagic
WARNING: This thing is bad. Very bad. There are references to attempted rape and implied pedophilia, though I do skip most of it. You have been warned. Honestly, I’m only posting this thing because I was stupid enough to read it and I need to rage out a bit.
Welcome back to another one-shot! This week I bring you an example at how to utterly fail at a humor/parody fic. The thing to keep in mind here is that, for a fic to be a member of that genre, your writing needs to be funny. This isn’t only not funny, but is a near incomprehensible wreck of sexism, violence, and swearing. I honestly hope this thing is a troll fic, but I’ve listened to teenagers enough these days to suspect that they honestly think this… thing is hilarious.
How bad of a wreck? Well, for starters, the title of the fic has one word randomly in all caps and another word misspelled. This is gonna be goooooood. Also, I invite you to look at BlueRetroPenguine’s profile. I’ll wait.
*Wait’s patiently*
Yes, you’re allowed to want to hit him in the face with a shovel now. I don’t have a shovel, but I do have a-
*GONG*
BRP, get over yourself.
Anyway, before we dive into this fic, let’s check the summary, which caught my attention immediately:
For all of you who were baffled by how bland the Cave story dialouge was not the plot we have spiced this cave story up. This is a collaboration with authors BlueRetroPenguin and Lunara the Ara using Cave Story. Enjoy, or perish. Very, Eh-hem, Wordy
First, the dialogue was fine, so I have no idea why these three are taking issue with it. Second, don’t threaten me or I’ll riff your work- oh, well look at that, I am. And third, saying that a fic which is only 500 words per chapter and 3 chapters long is “wordy” is just… yeah. It also amazes me that something so short required three authors to write.
329: Gabriel Hawke – Chapter Three
Posted: September 13, 2012 | Author: Herr Wozzeck | Filed under: Dragon Age, Gabriel Hawke | Tags: Crazy Ass-Author, Dragon Age, General, Herr Wozzeck, Horror, Not Safe For Work, Video Game | 3 Comments »Title: Gabriel Hawke
Author: Raifa
Media: Video Game
Topic: Dragon Age
Genre: Horror/General
URL: Gabriel Hawke
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello once again, children, and welcome to the final chapter of this snarking of Gabriel Hawke. We’ve already seen Gabriel become the most unlikable douchenozzle in the history of unlikable douchenozzles, and it only got worse last chapter.
But as if that wasn’t enough, this author decided he would try to be Sigmund Freud. Where will that get us, pray tell?
Oh, it’ll make you hate this fic even more, I almost guarantee it. So let’s get started.
325: Gabriel Hawke – Chapter Two
Posted: September 6, 2012 | Author: Herr Wozzeck | Filed under: Dragon Age, Gabriel Hawke | Tags: Crazy Ass-Author, Dragon Age, General, Herr Wozzeck, Horror, Not Safe For Work, Video Game | 2 Comments »Title: Gabriel Hawke
Author: Raifa
Media: Video Game
Topic: Dragon Age
Genre: Horror/General
URL: Gabriel Hawke
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
Hello, guys, and welcome back to our Gabriel Hawke snarking.
Well… really, what more should I say about this snarking? We hit our first chapter, and not only does this story expect us to support a hero who’s a crazy murderer/rapist, but it glorifies his actions as if they’re something to be admired.
Oh yeah, and there are plenty of run-ons, with lots of thesaurus abuse peppered in for good measure. That too.
So yeah. We had all that, and we barely even left the first chapter. Thankfully, the fic actually gets tamer as we go along, so throughout the rest of this riff you won’t really have to deal with overly graphic depictions of anything. Of course, it somehow finds ways to become even more offensive and even more disgusting even despite the lowered gore factor, so unfortunately, you’re still going to hate this fic.
Prepare your helmets, guys: Chapter 2 is gonna be a doozy.
322: Gabriel Hawke – Chapter One
Posted: August 30, 2012 | Author: Herr Wozzeck | Filed under: Dragon Age, Gabriel Hawke | Tags: Crazy Ass-Author, Dragon Age, General, Herr Wozzeck, Horror, Not Safe For Work, Video Game | 6 Comments »Title: Gabriel Hawke
Author: Raifa
Media: Video Game
Topic: Dragon Age
Genre: Horror/General
URL: Gabriel Hawke
Critiqued by Herr Wozzeck
WARNING: This fic contains extremely graphic references to rape, murder, and other forms of violence against a woman. Seriously: some of the description is so graphic that several passages had to be censored. Because of this and the nature of how the acts mentioned above are depicted in this fic, readers who are sensitive to such topics may wish to (and probably should) skip this riff entirely. This riff is also extremely NSFW.
Hello once again patrons. Well, I thought I’d turn to an old thing here. It’s an old thing that got deleted, but through some complicated internet tomfoolery I managed to get it backed up before it got deleted. Why?
Because it is so awful and so morally bankrupt that its awfulness actually deserves to serve society as a reminder of how not to write a fic with a “ruthless” main character.
Yes, I say “morally bankrupt”. This fanfic is way more morally bankrupt than any other fic I have ever read in my life. Perhaps the best way to show how morally bankrupt it would be to tell you this little anecdote: when I showed this fic to a criminal psychologist that so happened to have a fanfiction.net account, he compared this fanfic to the journal entries of one Seung-Hui Cho. Yeah. This fic was compared to the guy behind the Virginia Tech shooting.
This is gonna be so much fun, especially at the part when I start raging at the thing that shows that this fic never had a chance in hell at working.
Let’s not waste any time.
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