94: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapter Nine

Title: Heading Towards the Horizon
Author: AngieRosie
Media: Movie
Topic: Pirates of the Caribbean
Genre: None Listed
URL: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapter Nine
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello there!  Much to my chagrin, I’ve received not one, but three emails notifying me that the author of the terrible PotC fic has uploaded more chapters to her Epic Work of Suck, bringing the total up to 3 additional chapters.  Before we jump in here (and jump a few sharks while we’re at it), let’s recap what we’ve already learned regarding this high-seas (read: North-East Arizona) fanfiction.

In some nondescript part of the PotC past, Jack Sparrow and Angelica Blackbeard had a daughter together, whom they named Jaicee/Jace.  When Jace is 8 years old, she goes with her parents (who are apparently together… this is important to note) to see Tia Dalma (who is supposed to have returned to the sea by this point, if our reckoning of when this is supposed to take place is true) in order to prevent Barbossa from killing her out of some misguided wrath.  Their plan?  Send Angelica and Jaicee forward in time exactly 260 years to prevent Barbossa from finding them.  This plan, however, leaves Jack back in time because if there’s anything that fic writers like, it’s using Douhcebandonment to further the plot.

Most recently, Jace has turned 16, gotten kicked out of just about every school she’s attended because her temper leads to attempted murder, and has just one friend that I imagine we won’t be seeing again because he will no longer be convenient to the plot.  Barbossa shows up out of nowhere and kidnaps Jace, threatens to kill her, and then doesn’t follow through because he wants her dad to witness it.  Someone needs to call Dr. Evil and tell him Barbossa is stealing his bit.  We ended the chapter with Jaicee falling asleep in the middle of a mist.

Oh, and she thinks she’s a pirate.  *snerk*

Read the rest of this entry »

84: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapters Seven and Eight

[Good morning, Library Patrons!  Due to the double-post for Halloween, I'll be taking Lara's spot this Thursday as well.  We'll be back to normal next week, though!  ~Lyle]

Title: Heading Towards the Horizon
Author: AngieRosie
Media: Movie
Topic: Pirates of the Caribbean
Genre: None Listed
URL: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapter Seven
URL: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapter Eight
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello!  Due to the author’s inability to write more than 3/4 page length chapters, we’re going to get through another two this entry.

Before we proceed, did everyone remember their cutlass, eye patch, and parrot?  There are actual pirates in these chapters and we would do best to fit in and not bring attention to ourselves.

Last time we met, Jaicee ignited her stove with a non-volatile liquid (water) for no plot-related reason what-so-ever and then flipped out when she heard the news that she would have to attend a fancy private school with her best friend.  A very stale car ride to school revealed that Jace somehow got a pirate brand before the age of eight.  After some “harsh” words about stupid prep schools, she and her best friend are no longer on speaking terms.

Let’s plow ahead!

Read the rest of this entry »

78: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapters Five and Six

[Hi!  Due to a super special Halloween... special... (I've been reading too much horrible fanfiction) I'll be posting today instead of Lara.  But have no worries!  You'll see her very soon!  -Lyle]

Title: Heading Towards the Horizon
Author: AngieRosie
Media: Movie
Topic: Pirates of the Caribbean
Genre: None Listed
URL: Heading Towards the Horizon Chapter Five
URL: Heading Towards the Horizon Chapter Six
Critiqued by Lyle

Hello, Library Patrons.  My anger-management councilor tells me I need to lay off the author abuse before I pop a vein.  *fingers the edge of the hard-cover book still in her hands*  So in an attempt to play nicely, I’m going to put this on the table here… *sets book on coffee table* and not touch it for the remainder of this entry.

*takes a deep breath*  Let’s recap!

Previously, on “Heading Towards the Horizon,” we met Jaicee, an over-reacting teenager who thinks she’s a pirate because she spent the first 8 years of her life in the 1700’s before being sent 260 years into the future to save her from Captain Barbossa’s misplaced wrath.  Accompanying Princess Pirate is her mother, Angelica, who has recently started using Spanish words instead of italics to speak with her daughter, with no translation for those of us who are not currently taking Spanish in high school.

Most recently, we’ve watched as Jace tried to kill a 5-year-old without any legal repercussions, talked to her BFF about getting expelled (again) and ate a poptart for dinner.  Let’s see what these next couple chapters have in store for us!

Read the rest of this entry »

76: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapters Three and Four

Title: Heading Towards the Horizon
Author: AngieRosie
Media: Movie
Topic: Pirates of the Caribbean
Genre: None Listed
URL: Heading Towards the Horizon - Chapter Three
URL: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapter Four
Critiqued by Lyle

Welcome back!  Hold on to your knickers because we’re going full sail ahead in this Pirates of the Caribbean travesty!  Due to the shortness of Chapter Three, we’re having a double-header today, but first…

Let’s recap, shall we?

Jaicee, the daughter of Jack Sparrow and that Spanish chick from the 4th movie, has been sent 260 years into the future to avoid being killed by Barbossa, who probably doesn’t even know who she is.  So far, we’ve learned that the author has a flair for the dramatic the same way a pyromaniac has a fondness for fire.  If anything is worth doing in this fic, it’s worth over-doing.  Last we saw Jaicee, she was being led to the office after having tried to throw a kid out the back of a moving bus.  Oh, she also thinks she’s a pirate.  Cute.

Read the rest of this entry »

71: Heading Towards the Horizon – Chapter Two

Title: Heading Towards the Horizon
Author: AngieRosie
Media: Movie
Topic: Pirates of the Caribbean
Genre: None Listed
URL: Heading Towards the Horizon Chapter Two
Critiqued by Lyle

Avast!  Are ye ready to embark upon another chapter o’ crap?  Sure ye be!

Pirate talk aside, let’s briefly sum up what’s happened to this point.

At some unspecified time in the Pirates of the Caribbean universe, Jack and Angelica have a daughter named Jaicee.  When the girl is 8 years old, they fear Barbossa is going to murder her to get revenge on Jack for absolutely no reason other than Barbossa is a dick.  So in order to protect her, they take the girl to Tia Dalma, who has decided she no longer wants to be a sea goddess and is going to live in her shack in the Bayou again.  The plan:  catapult “Jace” and Angelica forward 260 years but leave Jack behind to deal with living in the era of scurvy and bad hygiene.  It’s a plan so foolproof, only a fanfiction writer could think of it.

Read the rest of this entry »