686: Raptor and I – Chapter Twenty-Five
Posted: April 16, 2014 Filed under: Jurassic Park, Raptor and I | Tags: Adventure, Jurassic Park, Movie, Romance, TacoMagic 45 CommentsTitle: Raptor and I
Author: Akashi.Cloud / ZincRae
Media: Movie
Topic: Jurassic Park
Genre: Adventure/Romance
URL: Raptor and I: Chapter 25
Critiqued By:
Crunchy, what-
“I asked Bifocals to make us a “critiqued by” field. She drove this up about three minutes later. She calls it ‘Raptaco Mk4’.”
Mk4?
“Apparently the first two blew-up in testing and somebody ‘borrowed’ the third when she accidentally left the keys in the ignition.”
What!? There was only three minutes, who would know to steal-
*Raptaco Mk3 walks through the lobby with “Eliztha” piloting it.*
Ah. Okay then.
Josh’s pov I cannot believe it!
We can’t believe it either!
Firstly, I have a raptor steal the first aid kit from me and now said raptor has ran off and left me alone to find my way back to the nesting site.
“Previously on Raptor and I.”
Strap in folks, here comes another list.
Hmm… I think it was a right here… Yup… Looking good… And a left her… Wah!
This is even more nonsensical than normal. What the hell is going on!?
THUD! (AN: hehe sound effects…)
Intercom: The orbital launch sequence has been initiated. Please stand by for gong deployment.
*Wump*
*GOOONG*
“Aw man… bloody undergrowth covering the bloody slope! Damn that hurts!” I cursed. Brushing the back of my pants, I stood up and was shocked at the place that I had fallen into. It was a camping site!
I’d be shocked too! What a blatant disregard for the no camping signs! They’re posted all over the park for crying out loud!
However, by the mess that it was in and the giant footprint right smack in the middle of the whole area gave me the sense that whoever was here, is long gone
“I have seen monkeys pick some bad camping places, but right in the middle of a dinosaur preserve strikes me as exceptionally poor judgment.”
I decided to make use of this chance to see what I can salvage.
MREs and sealed toilet paper for all!
I found a bag that had a few small holes but still in good condition. I folded up the tent and placed it into the bag.
Wow, Josh did something kinda smart! Scavenged one of the four primary survival needs when he had the opportunity! That’s almost worth a redemption cookie.
I dug around some rubble and found a hunting knife, some rope, a pistol
Not sure what the rubble is doing there, but those are all good survival finds. He keeps this up, and he might seem like he knows what he’s doing!
and about two Cartridges of bullets and the next thing I found gave me new hope.
*Facepalm*
I take it back. Josh just picked these up:
I’m sure those will be loads of help when you find the abandoned reloading station.
There from the rubble I pulled out a radio set. I could go home! Rae too!
*Faceclaw*
“You have an entire high-tech science facility and zoo control center at your disposal, and you’re excited about finding a radio? Why not just grab one of the dozens of hand-sets laying around the island? Or, better yet, use the radio son the helicopter?”
Preferably, you should use it on the flight home.
Speaking of Rae, I better head back to the nest before she bleeds to death or something.
Darn. I can’t have been the only one who was hoping he’d forgotten that she desperately needed medical attention?
“You were not.”
Sorin’s pov
*Twitch Twitch*
“I’m back!” I greeted everyone but it came out muffled as the sheet of cloth was clamped tight between my jaws and the white box that I had ‘helped’ Josh carry was swinging awkwardly from my arm.
“Not only did Sorin steal the med kit, but also Josh’s sheet. What a diabolical bastard!”
“Welcome back son. Where is Josh?” My mother asked, taking the cloth from my mouth.“Uh… he said he wanted to go take a drink and asked me to go ahead first. So yea…” I replied nervously.
I love it when authors don’t separate their dialogue. Makes it like a little mystery. Like, ‘Why is this character talking about themselves in the third person?’
She would kill me if she found out that I left him behind on purpose.
“See, the problem with failing to establish any of your characters means we cannot believe anything you tell us about them. Like that, for instance. Since Josh and Selina-”
Alina.
“Whatever, not like it actually matters since the author cannot remember herself. Anyway, Since Josh and Alina have never shared any scenes together, how can we trust that they are close enough that Alina would actually kill her youngest boy in retaliation for leaving Josh behind?”
We can’t?
“EXACTLY!”
“What’s that Alpha Sorin?” Marron asked poking curiously at the white box in my arm.
“It is a box that holds the body of the last chick that asked me about the box.”
“I suppose it is some kind of human medical kit. The first aid thingy that Josh was talking about.” I answered him.
Quick! We need to make her swallow it so that she can get better!
“Oooo let me take a look!” Lucas and Lexis cooed. Snatching the box from him and running off into a corner with it. All the chicks all ran after the two brothers.
You know, guys, if you eat all the medical supplies your Sue Queen is going to die. Not that I’m complaining, mind you.
“Oi! Give that back!” I yelled
“Aw… We want to take a look too!” the two elder brothers whined.
Uh, you have control of the box. Might as well exert that control and rifle through it rather than whining about… whatever you’re whining about.
“I had it first!” I growled.“Well now it’s ours!” The two cheered, opening the box with surprising ease and speed.
“See, no whining necessary. Use the control you have, guys. Specifically, one of you needs to eat Sorin’s face and take command.”
“Oooo! What’s all these?” they said pulling out stuff from the box, examining them and then tossing them over their shoulders where the discarded item was subjected to even more detailed scrutiny by the chicks.
Meanwhile, Rae bleeds to death and the Raptors live blandly ever-after. The end.
*BZZT*
“You were so close with that one, Taco.”
“Hey! Give them back! They are not toys!” I cried, trying in vain to snatch back what I could. The chicks seemed to have ripped open a few of the white packages and were unraveling them while running around wildly.
Meanwhile, Rae bleeds to d-
*BZZT*
“That was less close.”
The white thing trailed after them making a mess of the whole place! (AN: Its bandages.)
The orbital gong launcher is really nice, but sometimes it feels good to get in there with Horatio and get my hands dirty.
*GONG*
Author, just stop trying to do the whole ‘Raptors don’t know what stuff is’ bullshit. You aren’t good at it, you aren’t consistent with it, and you insist on treating us like morons by including an author’s note anyway. Just stop.
“Come on little bro it’s fun!” The two brothers cried
Hell yes it is fun! Because meanwhile Rae blee-
*BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!*
“You may want to stop trying that.”
“Argh! Get back here with the box u two idiots!”
NO!
*GONG*
Bad author! We do not use text-speak abbreviation in dialogue or narrative!
*Rubs Zinc’s face in her fic*
I yelled, chasing after the two, trying to grab back the box but they were tossing it between themselves making sure that I cannot catch it!
“I can see that he is indeed the much respected leader of the pack. Truly he has firm command here.”
3rd person’s pov
Huh? So who’s the third person here?
“Tama. I think he is the only brother without a prospective mate. Total third wheel.”
Ouch. Zinc could have been a little nicer about changing to his point of view.
The whole nesting area was in chaos as the chicks ran around everywhere leaving trails of white everywhere. Sorin and his two brothers are still playing or we should say that it was his two, no sorry Tama joined in so, it’s his three elder brothers that were playing with him.
Hmm, not Tama. Text is lower case so it must be a human of some kind. Rae, maybe?
“Hmm, but she is referred to as the third person. Amnesia, perhaps?”
Suddenly, a voice rang above the chaos. “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!” (AN: guess who!)
“Do not sully George Hammond by even suggesting he would appear in this travesty.”
Somewhere on the island, Unknown raptor’s pov
*Twitch Twitch* Even better than the last point of view tag.
These island will soon belong to me and my pack. We were the strongest raptor pack on the island were we born. Soon though, we will be the strongest pack on this island as well. “Um.. Alpha..” One of my pack members called hesitantly, upon seeing that I was in deep in thoughts.
Oh crap, it isn’t-
“What?” I snarled, not happy with the interruption.
“E…Eliza… Eliza she has…has returned..” He stuttered.
It is. Well, crapbasket, here we go.
“Excellent!” I grinned, getting up from my nest and walked towards the main nesting area where everyone else slept. I liked my privacy and had my nest slightly away from the pack with the softest ground.
And with that, this unnamed Awesome McEvil who runs the other pack has had more characterization than 95% of the main raptors. He’s seclusive because of his desire for privacy.
“I already like him almost as much as I like Eliza.”
‘Welcome back Eliza.” I greeted, taking a good look at her, “You do not look so good but I hope you have brought me good news.”
Yeah, about that. I’m afraid all she can tell you is that the island has been infected with a Sue.
“Really unfortunate; all you can do is burn the island to the ground and find a new home.”
“I’m sorry alpha. I really really tired but the alpha Sorin of the main island pack has been bewitched by a human.” Eliza pleaded.
*Facepalm* Eliza, just a handful of chapters ago you did not even know what a human was and now you’re using the term as if it would be evident to your pack!
‘A Human?” I asked.
“Yes! A two-legged creature that is harmless and stupid from what I had observed.” She quickly explained.
Oh, well, a redemption cookie for you, Zinc, you remembered your continuity!
*Crunchy nabs the redemption cookie* “I am re-taking the cookie because all the raptors should know what a human is, since they were all raised by them.”
“I see. By the looks of your injuries, I believe your true identity has been discovered.” I growled.
I’d find that pretty embarrassing myself. Foiled by Rae and Josh. Ouch.
“No! NO! NO I have not been discovered. Sorin and the rest of his pack does not suspect anything of our presence here on this island. I swear!” she cried.
“Then what is with all the injuries?” I demanded.
“Self-inflicted. Trying to distract herself from the fic.”
“I got them from my fight with for the beta female position with the human female. She is Sorin’s mate.” She replied, bending her head in shame.
What he should say: ‘Well, that doesn’t make any sense. Why would an alpha stoop to mating with the beta female?”
” You just said that she was harmless!” I growled.
*The space is sucked into the box, which continues to hum quietly in the corner*
Can we move that to one of the other rooms, please? It’s freaking me out.
“That was before all this.” She spluttered.
“To be fair to Eliza, Rae got stupid-lucky by mistaking Eliza’s tail for a root.”
“You are useless as a spy after having lost the fight! Leave and have your wounds tended too!” I snarled.
Why the hell would they need a spy anyway? These are raptors, not a friggin’ shadow government. If you need to take out the other group, just rush in and kill them all! And if you’re worried about your own casualties, strike while the hunters are away! This is not rocket science, McEvil!
I watched as she limped away, leaving me once again to my own thoughts. A human… hmmm… this is the first time I am hearing of such a creature.
“Aside from being hand-reared by them, of course. And the daily feedings. And all the gardeners who were planting the island. And the helicopters and jeeps filled with people. Aside from all those, he had never heard of humans.”
It or rather she must be something to look at and to deal with to be the beta female. It seems that I have spying to do myself…
TWIRL THAT STATCHE!
“And with that, chapter twenty-five comes to a close.”
Until next week patrons!
Library of the Damned 
*BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM* *BAM*
Goddammit, why is it that authors are always using onomatopoeia? It’s even worse that she’s like “look, mommy, I made a sound”!
PFFFFFFFFFFF
*Talks with a high-pitched voice*
Look, crazy hammer dude! I made a farting sound with my mouth!
*Claps frantically and then runs off to impress Ghostie*
No, see, you didn’t do it in the context of a story, so that doesn’t count for being hit by Alma.
That wasn’t the plan. The plan was to imitate the author’s silliness.
Which, again, doesn’t work when it’s not within a story. Though, I imagine you could probably make fun of a mid-chapter author’s note yourself?
:pats Crowbar on the head:
It was a very good effort. Here, have a cupcake. I put aluminum sprinkles on it especially for you!
*Runs off with the cupcake without even saying thank you. The cupcake was last seen in drooly pieces in Crowbar’s bunker.*
*Launches a Kerbal at Taco’s bunker with the Hobo Relay*
Oh, I’m sorry. Was there something interesting happening?
Well, we went a whole chapter without having to deal with Rae-Sue, who has likely bled to death by now.
Yay! A Sue is dead!
*Brings out the confetti, locks the bunker door and starts partying with Aethon*
Don’t celebrate just yet; one of the standard Sue powers is the ability to heal themselves when no one is watching.
Today’s XKCD is pertinent to your interests.
http://www.xkcd.com/1356/
Also, if you want to get crazy good at KSP, check out the Tsiolikovsky Rocket Equation. That is, if you don’t use it already.
Ooh, thanks!
This is gonna be useful… I always build super-sized boosters and end up dumping half the fuel, unused, in space.
Just remember that Ve in this case can be derived by multiplying the specific impulse of the engine by gravity.
You can also calculate it from thrust, but specific impulse is a lot quicker to use.
That game sounds way too technical for me. I’ll just stick with trying to learn Dwarf Fortress. (And maybe that’s a source for badfics, too! Hmmm…)
Dwarf Fortress is both a source of badfics, and a source of awesome fics.
If you haven’t read it, check out the saga of Boatsmurdered.
I even did my own called Scoutbridge, but then RL happened* and I didn’t finish.
*Computer crashed and I lost the game files for it.
Boatmurdered is the reason I know about Dwarf Fortress! I’ve read a few others, though, so I can’t remember if that’s the one where the entire hall was filled with carvings of cheese… that turned out to be homages to an original picture of cheese.
Did you ever hear about Cacame Aweminade (sp?), the elf king of the Dwarfs?
I did indeed, I even imported his history into a few of my worlds so that I could make Cacame murals.
Did you ever catch BraveMule? That’s one of my favorite storyline games.
*Loads a power cell into the Battle Armor while listening to the Pacific Rim Theme Song*
You know, that mech looks like it came from Battletech.
It’s from Rifts, actually. Which is essentially the same from a mech artwork standpoint.
Oh. Okay.
Well speaking of Battletech, I think you guys would find this beautifully crafted gem to be enjoyable.
https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7145881/1/Exodus-of-Stars
Easily one of the best Crossovers I’ve ever read.
:click!:
Not bad. The prose is verging on purple in spots and could do with a bit of tweaking, but better than many fics I’ve read.
Huh. What Rifts book is that from? Because that looks like a pretty hardcore ripoff of the LCT-1V Locust. Chin turret medium laser, check. MG in each arm mount, check. Gun-looking thing above the head that isn’t represented in the loadout, check. It’s even in the classic Locust pose.
It was from the Rifts GM forums, so not actually a canon mech in that regard. It was called a BA-12 Raptor or some such.
But, looking at the LCT-1V, I think you’re right. The image was probably “borrowed” by one of my fellow GMs who dips into Battletech for “inspiration.” The stats are even rather similar. Been so long since I’ve played any of the Battletech games that I suppose I can no longer recognize anything from it.
I suppose I should have been clued that it wasn’t genuine when it didn’t have any arms. Almost every mech/robot in Rifts has arms. A lot of their design choices come from their years publishing Robotech.
You know, I couldn’t help but think I’d seen that picture before, so I went searching. It’s apparently alternate Japanese art for Battletech.
http://www.gearsonline.net/series/battletech/
Which of course makes me laugh, because plenty of the original Mechs are direct (and, at the time, legal) rips from Macross, Dougram, and Crusher Joe. (See the “Unseen” fiasco for details) This might be the reason for it because the LCT-1V is apparently one of them.
*headdesk*
Wow, in addition to being a bad planner, he’s also apparently a terrible liar! Seriously, you’d have to be an idiot to buy that excuse!
Well, to be fair, that just means Sorin knows his audience.
Hm… That’s true, actually.
Am I the only one who replaced all of the Raptors in this fic with the evil step-sisters from Disney’s Cinderella as I was reading this scene?
Okay, now I am.
It makes the scene so much better.
I know, right?
Am I the only fool who hasn’t seen or read the Cinderella?
If you were in the US, probably. Disney has a very high saturation level over here, it would be practically impossible to get through a childhood without watching the classics like Cinderella, Snow White, and Bambi.
I was once the Cinderella in a play at summer camp. It would have been great, except that everyone else seemed to want to play their parts (except the prince! Dangit!).
I mean, act like their parts. Specifically, the evil stepsisters. I am le tired.
Sorry, had to get that out of my system. Proceed.
Wow, you dinos love to eat the redemption cookies before we can even hand them out, don’t you?
“The white thing trailed after them making a mess of the whole place!”
So, raptors are like birds, right? And birds poop white? What I’m trying to say is, did anyone else get a “they pooped all over everything!” vibe out of that line?
This is totally off topic but I just watched all of marble hornets and I don’t forsee sleep in my near future, so wassup, people of the interwebs?
Also, it is 2am where I am
If you liked Marble Hornets, you’ll love this fic: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8712015/1/Blood-s-Tragedies-A-Slenderman-Story
Just kidding. It’s a badfic I’m planning to riff. It may cure you of the idea that Slenderman is scary, though.
Nope, not cured. Just irritated that someone insulted the name of slenderman with terrible writing.
All this time I’m not on the Library is making me miss some pretty hilarious references to my OCs, man. I could totally have continued the Bifocals gag had I actually been online to see it.
Sorry, dude. IRL issues suck, don’t they?